1.15: A Pretty Theory“Yeah. We’re definitely dealing with a tough customer here,” the oni nodded, arms crossed. “Because of that, my own investigation was deyed. At least I’ve finally pinned down its pattern. Its activity clusters along the train lines. Makes sense… sure, it could invade people’s homes without any difficulty, but why would it? Fewer prey. Less mobility. The train network gives it endless fresh faces to choose from.”

  Rui tapped her chin thoughtfully.

  “What do you mean?” I stared at her as though she’d sprouted actual horns.

  “Hmm… let me get the case files.” She gestured sharply… an unmistakable “follow me.”

  I hesitated, but obeyed. She led me to a low table. She pointed at an old zabuton for me to sit on, but I stopped short. A few articles of clothing were draped across it. I lifted them carefully aside.

  At the bottom of the pile… y a pair of panties.

  I recoiled violently and sat on the floor instead. My body flushed red all the way to my nonexistent cheeks.

  “Oh my… a noh-face with a tomato for a head,” Rui murmured, tapping her lips. “What’s wrong? Normally, you guys are totally bloodless. Yet somehow you’re still capable of blushing? Fascinating.”

  “I—uh—” I squeaked.

  “This means there must be a grace period,” she continued, musing aloud as she rifled through folders. “The more time passes after victimization, the more the transformation accelerates. Hmmm…”

  She spped a stack of files onto the table… and hard enough that half of them spilled.

  “Move closer, noh-nuts. Look.”

  I crawled around the zabuton and peered down. I expected charts, graphs, some data.

  Instead I saw some headshots. Dozens of them.

  “W–Wait! I thought we were past this point?” I sputtered. I tried to gre at her, but it was pointless. My expressionless noh-face gre did nothing.

  “Your testing is far from done.” She grinned wickedly. “Now. What do these faces have in common?”

  I squinted at them. “Well… they’re… uh… maybe their noses are big? Does that mean my nose used to be huge?”

  “What?” She stood so fast the air shifted.

  “Big noses!? Did you look at them at ALL? What kind of zy thinking is that, noh-brains?!”

  I flinched, scooting away from her and her metal bat leaning against the wall. Thank every kami she wasn’t looking at it.

  “Try again,” she hissed.

  I shivered and focused. “Well… they’re men and women… and they’re all young!”

  “Good point,” Rui admitted with a nod. “But there’s something else… something obvious. Do I really need to spell it out?”

  I gulped. My fingers hovered over the photos as I studied them, my mind racing.

  …

  …

  …

  She watched me silently. A slow smile crept across her face as something finally clicked in my brain.

  “I’m not among them!” I shouted triumphantly.

  “WH—WHAT?”

  Rui colpsed onto the tatami. The metal bat sprang into the air like it had been startled too, and she caught it on reflex. Her expression shifted instantly from shock to wrath.

  “You were attacked THIS MORNING! Why would I already have a picture of you, NOH-BRAINS?!”

  Her killing intent bsted me harder than the noh-face ever had.

  I shrank into myself, sweating bullets, and turned desperately back to the photos. My shaking worsened under her ser-burn stare. After several agonizing seconds, I curled up and clutched my head.

  “Noh-nuts!” she shrieked.

  She bounded over the table and grabbed the colr of my sentai suit, eyes bzing. She shook me with fury potent enough to rattle my bones.

  This…

  This must have been how people felt whenever I accidentally gred at them.

  “YAKUZA!!!” I screamed in terror.

  She spped me across the face so hard the helmet rang like a gong.

  If I had any saliva right now, it would have flown across the room. Probably in a torrent.

  “BAKA! They’re all BEAUTIFUL people!” she roared. “Every single victim is attractive! Do you have NO eye for beauty?!”

  She shook me again. I flopped helplessly.

  Suddenly, something inside me stiffened… like a breaker flipping.

  I stood taller. Broader. My posture shifted into something solid, immovable.

  For a moment, I felt gigantic.

  Like a sentai hero towering over a miniature vilin.

  It wasn’t real size… just a surge of spirit that made the air around me swell.

  Rui stared up at me, startled.

  “Did you go insane?” she whispered. “Have you lost your memories? Your heart?”

  ……

  The room was silent for a moment.

  Then my eureka moment burst out.

  “Noh—” I corrected myself. “N-No! I found a fw in your silly logic! Let me go!”

  She didn’t. She hung onto my colr like a tenacious ferret.

  So I reached into my fanny pack, unzipping fast, and pulled out my wallet. I flipped it open dramatically.

  The photo inside stared back at her.

  Her pupils shrank.

  All color drained from her face.

  She let go instantly, dropping to the floor like her limbs lost all motor control.

  I loomed over her, noh-blinking.

  She scrambled away on all fours, screaming:

  “A MONSTER!!!”

  She darted behind her desk, wailing.

  Something cracked sharply in the air—like gss under too much pressure.

  Maybe her sanity.

  I facepalmed hard. My wallet flew out of my hand and smacked me in the face.

  I locked eyes with my own ID photo.

  “YAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!” I screamed.

  It was worse than I remembered.

  Rui’s screams echoed mine.

  “IT’S OVER!”“ALL MY EVIDENCE! IT’S RUINED!”“BURN IT! BUUUUURN IT!”“MY WONDERFUL THEORY!!!”

  Relwing