“Baldy, they’re in trap zone 2, approaching Clone Laboratory A. Take the door to your right to intercept them.”

  “I’m on it.”

  Laura gives me the instruction through the large screen, one of the screens Andreu used to manipulate and confuse our opponents in the previous matches. Although he isn’t present, his clones continue to act as he programmed them, and if the person defending our dungeon wishes to, they can activate or deactivate the screens at will, acting as if Andreu were here even when he isn’t. Otherwise, they’re pretty useful for communication.

  The screen turns off, and I start moving.

  After asking Andreu to come up with a crazy plan, one that could shake up Wizardess even though she had all that knowledge about us, he came up with a simple but tricky idea. One that defied all common sense: to bring our secret weapon to their dungeon, disregarding the fact that the dungeon itself, from the passages to the room size, is designed with it in mind.

  In his own words: ‘to put all eggs in one basket’.

  Although he put it like that, it’s not like that at all. Just him, Clara, and his monster aren’t everything we have at our disposal.

  But it can’t be denied that most of our offensive capabilities are concentrated on those three, which means that everything left here lacks the strength to kill other players effectively. This is why my job now, as the most resilient and tank, is to intercept the invaders and buy as much time as possible.

  I came prepared after analysing Wizardess’ tendencies. We expected two of their teammates to come, predicting we too would send two to invade their dungeon, turning this match into two 2vs2 fights.

  And I knew Barbarian would be one of the two to come here.

  I analysed their replays, memorised all the skills they showed, and came prepared to face her. In a melee fight, she can outlast even me, so I planned to avoid direct conflict, but…

  “I wonder what’s up with Barbarian.”

  Why didn’t she come? Although that guy looks like a barbarian, he isn’t the Barbarian I know. If he’s another player, how could they swap not only players, but also Champions, mid-tournament?

  Following the tournament rules, if a team member gets sick, another player can substitute them. They must provide a medical certificate, though. It’s also possible to change Champions as long as the stats and skills are identical.

  But Barbarian was fine when she sent me those messages, and she loves her Champion too much to change it for a male, uglier version.

  Unless she changed it to upset me on purpose…

  “Haaaa… ”

  “Haha! Got you!”

  With the shout, a sharp blade aims for my head, its wind pressure alone being enough to send a weaker opponent flying. I twist my head just in time to avoid the incoming axe.

  The axe hits the wall behind me with a loud clang.

  “Tsk. I missed.”

  My eyes trace the axe’s handle towards its wielder. Burly, hairy hand, muscular arm and fat torso. An ugly and almost naked man, wearing just enough to hide his masculine parts. His heated breath reaches me.

  “How you doing, Baldy?” The cheerful voice coming out of the man’s mouth doesn’t match his looks. “I almost got you with my first attack! You were like, ‘Aaaah! I’m gonna diee!’, hahaha!”

  “...”

  It’s a familiar voice, although an octave lower than usual. The one who’s talking is lowering their tone on purpose, showing their real voice from time to time.

  I close my eyes in disbelief. “Barbarian.”

  “Yeah, it’s me!” Barbarian laughs, waving her axe around and striking ‘macho man’ poses. “How do you like this Champion? I picked it specially for our fight!”

  The sight of her current Champion, opposite to her usual aspect, mixed with her usual voice, although she forces a lower tone just to sound less feminine, makes me cringe.

  Why? Just… WHY!?

  “Let’s fight, Baldy! A duel to the death! I’ll beat you like I always do.” She/he smugly wipes the tips of the axe. “Not like you can run away anyway… Hahaha!”

  I stop her before she starts swinging.

  “First… First, tell me why you changed to another Champion. It doesn’t match you at all…”

  “Eeeh?” Barbarian tilts his head. Her gesture, done with that disgusting appearance, makes me want to puke. The contrast is too huge. “But isn’t this perfect for our manly duel? The viewers won’t appreciate a fight between a tall, burly man and a cute princess, so I prepared this Champion for our duel. A duel between two men! Don’t you like it? Hahaha!”

  Cute princess? Since when does she call herself ‘princess’?

  She hates it when someone else tells her she’s one or treats her like one; that’s why she loves to roleplay as a barbarian. That’s what she told me.

  This is bad. She’s forcing me into her own pace…

  I look around. Hiding behind the corner, I notice Rogue, silently observing us. If he joins our fight, I’ll lose pretty fast. I can’t allow that to happen.

  I’m TheGreatBaldSage! I’m everyone’s hope and a great figure! I can’t lose today, not when my role is to buy as much time as possible, something I, as the tank, should be the best at!

  This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

  So, as TheGreatBaldSage, the smartest person in the whole universe… I’ve come up with the most sensible solution:

  I must run away.

  I put my plan into action without hesitation. I retrace my steps, ignoring Barbarian’s angry roar.

  “What are you doing, Baldy?”

  I’ve always hated that she repeatedly calls me Baldy. Most people don’t keep saying your name while talking to you, but I know she’s a lost cause, so I’ve grown accustomed to it.

  Even so, every time she says it with that Champion, it sends a chill running down my spine.

  Suddenly, my feet stop moving. Like a game bug, I can walk to the sides or back, but not forward.

  “This… This must be Duel. Right, you had that skill…”

  Barbarian, smiling smugly, beard and hair swinging messily following her axe swings, says, “Told ya you won’t be able to run away, haha!”

  Righ. I forgot she had the Duel skill, a skill that forces a single unit to stay within a certain range for as long as it lasts. This is why I didn’t want to get close to Barbarian, but her new Champion made me lower my guard, and I didn’t notice her approach before the surprise attack.

  But Duel doesn’t force me to stand still. Every time she swings her axe, I slip away.

  “Baldy, you can’t run away from meeeee! Come back and fight, hahaha! Be a true man, Baldy!”

  It’s the same person inside, but the outside is so different it’s jarring.

  When she talks, my hair stands on end. When she takes a step forward, with his flabby beer belly shaking, I unconsciously take one back. The mere thought of touching his greasy, hairy skin gives me the shudders.

  “What are you doing, Baldy?” Barbarian smiles. “Trying to run away so soon? Hahaha!” She rushes at me with her axe raised.

  Resigning myself to the worst, I unsheathe my sword and get ready for battle.

  I want to run away and forget everything I heard and saw, but Barbarian’s skill stops me from doing so. I cower near the wall, getting as much distance from her as her skill allows.

  “Lily!” I implore, my head raised towards the ceiling. “Save meeeeeee!”

  “Lily! Save meeeeeee!”

  Ricard asks me to bail him out of his predicament.

  “I knew he’d make a mistake sooner or later… Fufufu!” I chuckle. Although I knew, I didn’t expect it to happen as soon as he met our opponents.

  It’s possible to see certain parts of the dungeon, and hear what they say too, but I can’t talk to him unless he’s in front of one of the screens. The cp cost for that would have been too much. It would have been a useless expense.

  The first two are good to spy and track the invaders, as well as activate the traps. The latter isn’t.

  I watch Ricard struggle to avoid Barbarian’s strikes, smiling to myself. From time to time, I press one of the buttons on the table, activating one of the traps, but none can help Ricard get away, easily overcome or avoided by Barbarian.

  “Lilyyyyy…!”

  He keeps shouting my name. Barbarian’s axe hits his shoulder, and his HP falls.

  “What do you want me to do? I’m not omnipotent. If you could move one step to the right– Ah, exactly like that!”

  As if he had heard me, when he evades the next attack, he steps right on top of the trap I can use to save him, so I press the button.

  *Bip!*

  With a cute noise, the screen shows me Ricard falling into a hole that suddenly appeared below his feet. He shouts as his body falls, pulled by gravity, but instead of panicking, he looks relieved.

  “Hahaha!” After landing, he laughs, looking up at Barbarian, who’s observing him through the hole in the ground. “I might be unable to run away, but your skill doesn’t stop other effects from disabling the activation, hahaha!”

  “Baldy! Come back here! Fight me like a man!”

  Baldy sticks his tongue out, waving goodbye, “See you later!”

  Undeterred, Barbarian glares at the closing trapdoor. Raging, she grabs a nearby critter and crushes it to death.

  Having killed the poor creature, she then points the tip of her axe at the trapdoor, now no different from the rest of the cavern floor, and turns towards her companion, Rogue.

  “Rogue! Open that hole immediately! We can’t let him run away like this!”

  “Sure, sure. I’m on it.”

  What comes next, I didn’t expect. Rogue pokes around the trapdoor’s seam, and about ten seconds later, the trap activates on its own, revealing the hidden hole for the second time.

  “Hooo…? They do live up to their nicknames.”

  Activating or disarming traps at will. Truly a rogue-like skill.

  Ricard, relieved at having slipped away, is startled when the hole opens again. He locks eyes with Barbarian before shivering in fear and turning to run away.

  “Oh, shit.”

  “Baldy! Stop running! I swear, I’ll get you even if it’s the last thing I do!”

  With a roar, Barbarian jumps down the hole and chases after Ricard. He turns around just in time to see her landing, and his eyes open wide in a mix of fear and disgust. After her, follows Rogue, and the trapdoor closes for the second time.

  The two start chasing after Ricard. As soon as they get close to him, he starts to panic again.

  “Lily, save meeee!”

  “Sigh… I guess I must save him if I can…”

  Our objective is to survive for as long as possible. As funny as it is to watch his reactions, the longer I can keep Ricard alive, the better for our team.

  I won’t let Andreu down after he left his dungeon to me.

  There’s no time for me to give Ricard instructions through the screens, as the two opponents are chasing him from too close. Using everything at my disposal, I keep interrupting Barbarian and Rogue’s progress.

  Well-timed traps and simple trapdoors can do wonders in expert hands.

  “Fufu, this is fun.”

  Now I understand why Mad Rat is so proud of this dungeon. It’s fun to sit here and manipulate everyone while activating traps and watching their reactions in real time.

  From time to time, our monsters join the battle, but they’re no match for Barbarian and Rogue. Rogue releases tiny spiky balls to kill The Black Horde, which count as a field effect, so he doesn’t get cursed, and Barbarian smashes all monsters with skill and precision.

  They know everything too well and have come prepared.

  “Damn Baldy… How much did you tell them?”

  The frenetic chase continues for a while, until Barbarian makes a mistake by killing one of Mad Rat’s clones and trapping them inside a laboratory. Their mistake allows Ricard to escape, but I hear them calmly talk about tracking Ricard’s whereabouts with Rogue’s skill, which means he isn’t safe yet.

  “Wow. Rogue even has a tracking skill…”

  The pause in their fight makes me think. I recall everything I’ve heard. If I understood it well, Barbarian changed Champions just to mess with Ricard, didn’t she?

  “Hang in there. You have an eternity to get her heart, fufufu.”

  You must do it like me, persistent, lethal. Grasp her heart in such a way she’ll never be able to run away…

  “Fufufu!”