Nothing frustrates me more than algorithms and ads when companies try to force feed their test “can’t live without product.”

  Well, caving in and getting whatever bull shit they are peddling frustrates me more, but I bme that on staying up too te and doom scrolling.

  I’ve been spammed ads for weeks now for the Eden Dating App and grind my teeth in frustration as I watch it download, wondering what I’m hoping to accomplish.

  I’ve been single for several months and am both past a rebound hook up being reasonable and not ready for anything more serious.

  But despite that, here I am.

  An ignored part of my mind is helplessly screaming to put down my phone and go to bed; arguing that I can make a more rational decision in a couple hours when I wake up.

  I’m not in the most sane and stable frame of mind.

  Eden completes downloading and I open it, tapping through various agreements and acknowledgements, accepting them with little thought... It’s not like anyone reads the terms of service, anyway.

  I question my decisions as I progress, the onboarding questions continuing to get more and more invasive.

  I shrug, and decide that since I’m already this far and not being completely honest, I may as well see it through.

  I’m not even sure what my goal is. Probably see who is avaible in the area? Maybe send off some messages I’ll regret in the morning?

  The app prompts me to give it permission to do a scan and I sit there for several seconds looking at the prompt without comprehension. I’ve already uploaded an image. What more could they want? A video feed to analyze micro expressions or something?

  Fuck it, I think as I accept the request for extended permissions.

  The camera starts with a circur loading icon overying it, slowly ticking up a percentage point at a time.

  Maybe some pseudoscience face analysis? I wonder as I wait for it to finish.

  It finally does, taking long enough that I’m close to just shutting down the app and going to bed, but of course I don’t.

  “99.9% Eden Affinity?” I mumble as I read the results. Probably some marketing bull with no real meaning beyond giving the mark some feel goods.

  I frown at the next part though.

  You qualify for the Eden Beta Program, the app cims, the text looking all suave and modern.

  Of course, there’s a beta program. There’s probably going to be micro-transactions as well. Gotta milk the user for every penny you can in the name of profit.

  I don’t know why I accept the Beta Program invite, but I do.

  Next it cims to be searching for a compatible match and I groan, the sunk cost falcy fully kicking in as I gnce at the clock. I wish I would just go to bed but know I won’t.

  I frown at the screen as images fsh by too fast to make out anything beyond they are females. It is far too te to be second guessing my poor te night decision making but I am. Is it going to set me up with some random chick and expect me to message her? I wonder as I mentally kiss any rest tonight goodbye. It’s not like I can trust whatever its definition of “compatible” is with the half truths I’ve provided it so far, but I’m as stupid as the next guy te at night.

  Match Found pops up on the screen but I barely have time to register it before my vision constricts, rolling vertigo washing over me as my phone drops limply from my grip. My head falls back against my pillow as I squeeze my eyes shut, seeking some sembnce of stability.

  My heart, or something in that region, is sucked from me as my bed disappears from beneath me and I’m falling.

  Or flying.

  Or maybe tumbling along in a tornado.