Sigh… I looked at the cssroom in front of me - history css.

  I was exhausted; not because of school, sleep, or schoolwork, but because of all the school errands I had to run to today... having to speak to my Student Advisor about my physical therapy took a while. I eventually had to get Doctor Halcation on the phone to speak and expin the severity of my condition before my Student Advisor accepted the severity of my situation. On the bright side, my future appointments lined up with my Physical Education csses, and expining my situation to my Physical Education instructors went smoothly. My Physical Education instructor and Instructor Katlia were pretty understanding, especially with the doctor's statement Halcation wrote for me.

  I took another breath before walking into css with my te pass my Student Advisor gave me. Because—,

  "Oh, look who we—," The instructor said in disdain as he looked at me... Instructor Lokus. He paused mid-sentence seeing me with the pass, "Let me see this pass. I'll determine if I'll let you by or not."

  His stern and strict, and at times difficult to deal with arrogance was his hallmark. Being te to his css was a death sentence quickly known to all students of his css... Though I think he wasn't all negative; when discussing history, Instructor Lokus was incredibly well versed, and discussions with him were always interesting and enjoyable... at least to me. Though I do admit, his lectures were quite boring.

  "... Student Advisor; I see..." Instructor Lokus uttered, "You are good. Take your seat and ask those nearby for what we are on Teseia."

  "Yes Instructor." I said before sitting down.

  The Student Advisor, no one messed with them... though they were a hassle to deal with even with valid reasons.

  As Instructor Lokus dismissed us from css, the bell signaling the end of csses rang. I packed the few small notebooks I took out for notes back into my school bag before leaving.

  I looked around to see if Felis was here, but I didn't see her... Ah, it was the day for the Student Representative Meetings. I guess I won't be seeing her until after lunch. I had no idea where to hide for lunch - without Felis I don't think I could handle the social looks I was receiving from the other students...

  I left quickly, but then realized, "Where do I go…" I wandered around, directionless— "Why am I here...?" In front of me was the Legal and Law Clubroom? I subconsciously found my way here...

  "Sigh..." I open the door and walk in. I looked around - the room looked the same as before, though the paper pile on the round table that Felis and I left was gone now. With the top of the round table clear of papers, I set my bag down on the table and take out my lunch before eating.

  I ate slowly - suddenly the door to the club room opened. I look at the door, "Welcome to the Legal and Law Club!"

  Ah—, "Good afternoon Teseia." Old habits... Realizing I was a girl, realizing I wasn't even a member of this club - I could only look down in embarrassment... "How are you doing - is your leg better now?"

  I look up and nod, "I've been fine..." Suddenly I began remembering everything that happened five days ago when he walked me back... "Though—thank you, again, for helping me that time."

  "Don't worry too much about it - like I said, you helped me out plenty, so don't feel indebted to me." Kaeu said as he sat down on his chair, "And, I—well..." He scratched his head, "Despite our few meetings, it is honestly comforting seeing you..." Ah...

  I nod - I understood his feeling. Despite our differences now, I still felt it natural to be able to trust and depend on him.

  "And... er—I should have asked the first time you came in, but are you by chance interested in joining my club? I said before that our club isn't too active anymore, but if you'd like to be a member, I can get you our club admission forum." Ah—this... I - well... I should have been expecting something like this to come.

  Inside my mind, I wanted to join... Joining would make sense - I could be back to where I used to be, comfortably. Yet—I remember myself now, I was Alicia - not Yesen. "Sorry—but I can't join this club..."

  I hung my head, hiding my face from him - afraid that Kaeu might take it badly. Yet, "I see... I—regardless of if you are a member of our club or not Teseia, you are always welcome to my club."

  I look up, letting out a sigh, "... idiot..." This was the man who broke the hearts of many girls, yet, "But—thank you, Ignation." Seeing Kaeu like this was refreshing. I was sure there was still a lot on his mind, but seeing him talk lively now was all I could ask for.

  I wasn't going to leave him, but I was gd that he was more lively now. Seeing him smile like this - I just needed to keep being there for him.

  There wasn't much between us though. I ate as Kaeu read his book on the side. I finished my lunch and id out my study materials - my music books - and looked at them. I slowly understood the basics of music and reading from the music sheet, but I needed to work hard to catch up. I spent the time looking at the music book, and matching music notes to what the music sheet had...

  "Teseia - shouldn't you be heading to your afternoon csses?" ... "Teseia - hello?"

  "Eh?" I look around to see Kaeu looking at me? "Yes?"

  "Nothing - just wondering if you should be heading to your css." I looked at my phone - ah, he was right.

  I closed my music study book, putting it back into my bag. "Thank you Ignation." I lightly bow, leaving the room, before going to my next css.

  ... ugh—thinking about it now, I must have been so concentrated - I hope I didn't make any weird faces...

  At my afternoon css, it was a mathematics css... I looked around to see if Felis would appear, but I didn't see her again - it must be a busy meeting for it to take this long.

  "Everyone, solve the problem on this page." The instructor for our math css said, pointing to a page number and a problem number on the digital screen in front of the css.

  As everyone went to the page in their textbooks, I opened the page and wrote the problem down on my notebook, before going to the textbook that second-year students were using... After my first day, I realized there wasn't much for me to do - at least for the first semester of school -, so I spent my time studying in advance, in preparation.

  "Teseia, please come forward to solve the problem!" The instructor said pointing to the whiteboard beside the digital screen.

  I nod, standing from my seat. I head to the front of the cssroom with my notebook and write the problem down - then solve it. I didn't need to solve it - I just need to see it to solve it quickly now. With it done, I look at the instructor, "Is this good, Instructor?" I forced a smile - aware that I was picked solely because it appeared I was not keeping track with the css.

  "That's—. You're good, thank you Teseia." I nod and courteously bow to my instructor before heading back to my seat.

  I waited... Then soon enough Felis came into the cssroom. I saw her talking with the instructor before she sat next to me. "Good afternoon Teseia."

  "Good afternoon Felis." I greeted her back - it was our first time seeing each other today... though she looked exhausted and drained. "Was the Representative Meeting with the Student Council really that bad?"

  She nods, "Hah—yes..." She utters, "It is a lot of work, since we have to pick up the work of the Second-Year Representative - honestly, he is kind of troublesome to deal with..."

  If memory serves me right, I faintly remember him - but also not. His name never stuck to me, but I knew his personality. I knew that the person behind me in exam scores as a second-year was some big-shot from the civilian sector of businesses - someone I had little need to interact with before, and definitely someone I had little need to respect with his personality... He was a self-entitled brat - which I mean, makes sense. There were quite a few of the civilian sector 'big-shots that weren't necessarily the most... 'Traditional' in the Empress's teaching of power—,

  "You know him too...?" I shook my head - I didn't know him well personally, and I didn't intend to. "... You were making a displeased face like you knew him. Honestly—,"

  "He's a pain - self-entitled, controlling, and demanding in how he wishes things are done..." I add, "... or at least that was what someone told me..."

  "You... well, I can't really disagree with your words..." Felis said, letting out a small chuckle, "Oh, but, could you let me copy down anything from our st csses - if you were there... After all, you weren't here this morning."

  I look into my notebook - to be fair, I was only here for our history css. I take out our history textbook and review it with Felis, before reviewing the little we have done on math.

  "Hey, Teseia - despite knowing all this, you have like no notes."

  "Ah—... ahaha - well..." I nervously look at my textbook, "Well... I... studied ahead - so I have my own notes back at home..." I expin—

  Thud... my textbook fell, I lean down to grab it—, "A second year textbook?"

  "Ah—um..." I took my soft-covered textbook from Felis, "I just... I need to return it to someone..." Yet I felt like my excuse went over her head.

  "By chance, what did you score on your initial exams?"

  "En—ano..." Now that Felis mentioned it, how did Alicia score exactly? I go silent - before realizing that such a score is now lost, except to school staff.

  "..." Felis didn't pursue her answer further either...

  "Well—I intend to score high." As I expressed my intent, Felis smiled beside me.

  "Hehe—but you'll never beat me though." I smiled back at her - afterall, she didn't know who she was against.

  After school, Felis followed me to the Legal and Law Club. I didn't really intend to do much - I had some more studying I wanted to do before I head home. As Felis and I sat down, the door opened.

  "Hello again Teseia." I look at the door to see Qualtia walk in.

  "Good afternoon Qualtia." I greet her before taking out my music book.

  "Good afternoon - I am Felis Kristiea, apologizes for intruding." Felis said.

  "Don't worry - you are alright. Besides, Kaeu already told me about a certain 'junior' and her friend." Qualtia said, before sitting down at her seat. Once she sat down, she took out a whole sketch book out of nowhere... "Would it be alright if I do a personal sketch of you two?"

  "Ah—..." Felis beside me was stunned - honestly... It is really out of the blue, normally.

  I lean next to Felis, "Are you okay with it...?" I whisper.

  "I... I - well, I don't have any problems..." Felis whispered back.

  "Don't worry, she's a good artist." I said, "... though... it does feel awkward, having someone gaze at you so intensely..."

  "I—okay." Felis took a deep breath, "I don't mind if you would like to sketch me, but could I ask you not to let others see it?"

  "Got it - don't worry, all my art is for practice." Qualtia said as she took out a pencil from seemingly nowhere, "You two can simply just be natural. I'll let you know when I'm done."

  With her words, Felis took out a textbook from her school bag and we both took our time studying while Qualtia quietly sketched - the sound of me and Felis flipping pages alongside Qualtia's pencil filled the Legal and Law Clubroom. It was a funny thought - the use of this clubroom for studying and drawing. Though, me and Kaeu never really did much 'club activities', citing ck of opportunities.

  "I'm coming in." I hear the door open - I knew it was Kaeu even without looking. I also knew once he saw Leicia—Qualtia...

  Why was I so hesitant to think of him by his surname? I mean... Every time I talk to him, I have to intentionally check myself to make sure I am saying his surname - yet with Qualtia, I naturally think of her by her surname? Well—...

  "Don't pester our juniors right away Leicia." He said.

  "But it's fine Kaeu—look, they're fine with it." I look up from looking at my music book to see the two bickering. By then Felis was also looking at the two alongside me.

  "I know they probably didn't reject you, but you shouldn't directly just request to draw others suddenly - especially those you first meet." Kaeu retorted.

  Hearing their banter honestly was refreshing... Those two—honestly, many wondered if they were a couple... Myself included at first. Though after knowing those two, I knew they likely would never get together. Rather than friends - or childhood friends -, they were probably better thought of as a sibling combo that complemented each other. Even though Kaeu was the older one, they honestly didn't have the 'older-younger sibling' energy, more just synergic siblings.

  Where I pced... Well, I was simply Kaeu's friend. Although I was close with... Leicia, I was never as close to her as I was with Kaeu - I could never really see her without acknowledging that she was a girl. I didn't have feelings for her - but I had to maintain my image. At the very least, I couldn't go ruin the reputation of my family or the Imperial Counsel Advisors - after all—...

  Well—... Certainly, while by then my family were pretty modern, we still held pretty traditional beliefs... Honestly, I felt bad for the Imperial Counsel Advisors. Few of those in any of the families who could be an Imperial Counsel Advisor had much freedom in retionships. Though I still did find that the Empress's traditional values and teachings had quite some romanticism in their ideals. Purity through devotion to one's partner, loyalty in one's romantic endeavor. I mean - I accepted that I wouldn't have a romantic retionship, but... Wouldn't a dream romance be nice?

  ... sigh... Romantic endeavors - I was basically ruined, in that sense... From both ends - I ruined my chance with any other girl simply by being... Well, literally having seen another girl - myself. And... well... knowing my previous self... I would never, ever, get with a guy. I couldn't imagine it...

  "Alright alright." Qualtia said, "I'll think it through." Yet her hand and focus were still entirely focused on drawing.

  Kaeu simply let out a sigh before heading to his seat. With their banter done, Felis and I continued to study.

  "Oh!" Felis next to me suddenly uttered, "Teseia, I completely forgot, but are you okay?" Huh? What did she mean—ah.

  "I'm fine, my leg is doing fine." After four days of rest, my leg was much better. "Though - I likely won't be participating in any of the physical education sessions."

  "Ah, okay." Felis looked at me - her eyes held more concern rather than the scary gre she had before. "You say you're fine, but at the same time you're missing out on our physical education csses. I won't pursue you, but..." Felis trailed off, going quiet...

  "Don't worry, I won't... put myself in such a sorry state again." As I said this, Felis heaved a sigh.

  "Well, I'll be with you as well to make sure you're okay." I was thankful for Felis once again.

  Felis was a kind of friend I wished I had before - though I suppose it was only possible due to who I am now. At the very least, I hoped I could be as close to her as I was with Kaeu.

  I returned home and prepared dinner.

  Cecelia returned home, greeting me timidly before retreating to her room.

  "..." Recalling what 'Alicia' did to her, I couldn't think of what to do... More than anything else, it could be seen that what I was doing could be a mental py on her - being nice, before suddenly being 'mean' to her. I didn't pn to harm her, but Cecelia had no idea if what I said were lies or truth.

  This... was something I would need to tread carefully. I had no idea how to maneuver around this still, but for now I should voice my intent slowly through my actions.

  "Actions speak louder than words." By then I finished dinner. I ate before reheating dinner for Cecelia, before heading back to my room.

  I grabbed a book from my bookshelf hiding my diary and took it to my desk. I found it a habit in the short time I had to write into it.

  Lunar Year 933, First Half, Day 141-2,

  I came to the realization that any idea of romance I have was gone.

  Of course - I was still a teen. I had my idealistic dreams of love - a chance at romance. But considering who I am, I am ruined.

  Maybe it is my traditional ideology - but I also doubt I could ever come to terms being with someone.

  ... I thought to myself... "... someone..."

  I closed the diary and hid it back on the shelf. I changed out of my uniform and id on the bed, deep in thought.