1.40: The Biggest Pinch“R… Reiko-chan…” Rui gasped, her eyes blown wide. “Noooooo!”

  I stared up at her, exhausted and dazed. My mind was slowly piecing itself back together, like a hard drive running a desperate emergency defragmentation.

  Her words confused me.

  Why was she gaping at me?

  “HALT!”

  Fshlights fred. Policemen closed in from all sides, some raising weapons, others shining blinding beams directly into our faces.

  “We’re screwed!” Rui hissed. “People saw us on the trains, and after what that woman said… they’re going to bme us for EVERYTHING Noh-face did!” She spped both hands onto her cheeks in pure despair.

  Akuchi staggered into view behind the officers, leaning heavily on the tunnel wall. Tears gleamed in his eyes, glowing faintly… a reminder that he wasn’t human.

  I forced myself upright, my teeth grinding.

  “Stay DOWN!” one officer barked. “If you resist, we WILL use force!”

  My eyes locked onto Rui. I clenched my fists.

  “I’ll carve us a path!” I growled.

  One of the officers, the same one who’d admired “Magiranger Red” froze.

  “W-wow… Magiranger Red…” He stared at me, betrayed. “That’s what you looked like under the helmet?”

  On the other side, another officer exploded:

  “FATHER, MY ASS!” he howled. “I can’t believe I fell for that line! I need to train harder—!”

  I flinched. The cat was fully out of the bag and dancing.

  Now they were seeing me for what I was.

  But even so, I tightened my fists until my nails broke skin. Warm fluid slid down my palms. I lifted my arms into a shaky martial art stance.

  “All right, Rui! RUN!” I hissed.

  I charged forward… only for Rui to grab my arm and yank me down to my butt instantly.

  “Enough, Susumu,” she said softly. “You sweet idiot.” Then she knelt and pressed a gentle kiss to my forehead. “This is such a tragedy… Oh, Susumu…”

  I froze completely. My face warmed like a furnace.

  She’d watched me cw back my mind when everyone expected me to lose it. I had somehow beat the Noh-face curse. Maybe I could be the city’s protector after all. And maybe, for the first time, somebody respected me more than my own parents ever did.

  “That’s enough! You’re under arrest!” another officer shouted. “Judging by your stances, I assume you won’t resist!”

  They moved in. I gnced at Akuchi… shaking. His fists clenched. He averted his eyes, and tears fell freely.

  I lowered my hands together. Rui mirrored me, sitting beside me.

  A strange chittering sound echoed.

  “It’s fine,” she murmured. And she sparkled. “It’s not the end, Susu. Our story’s not finished.” She gave me a bright thumbs-up.

  I smiled, warmth flooding my face. Her confident grin faltered into a blush the moment our eyes met.

  For the first time in my life… I wanted to kiss someone other than Reiko-chan.

  Weird… weird… but…

  “Wahahahaha!!” A loud, pyful voice boomed through the tunnel. “Run wild, my friends of the night!”

  I jerked as the policemen advanced.

  But suddenly everything exploded into chaos.

  Their formation buckled. Groans and cries filled the air. Fshlights swung violently as officers were knocked over like dominoes.

  THUDWHACKCRUNCHBAM

  Something sliced through their ranks like a phantom wind.

  “AYAAAAAAAAIIIII!” a man shrieked. “Magiranger, SAVE ME! I don’t care if you’re— JUST PLEASE!”

  GURGLE

  SMACK

  A fallen fshlight suddenly floated upward… or so it seemed at first. As it drifted closer, a pale, delicate hand became visible holding it. The light angled upward, illuminating a familiar face with glowing eyes and plump lips pulling into a fangy grin.

  “Oh my! I couldn’t have imagined you’d end up like this!” Ume purred. “This is perfect!”

  “I-it’s FAR from perfect!” Rui shrieked. “Ume-chan! I’m gd you’re here, but this is wrong on SO many levels!”

  “Tsk… he’s still human.” Ume wagged a finger, winking. “Ideal, actually. His vessels are thrumming with rich, vibrant blood. Honestly, Rui… it’s your victory.”

  “B-but—!” Rui sputtered.

  “Make the best of a strange situation, they say,” Ume chirped. “That’s my business, after all.” She glided over to me and lightly patted my cheek. “You’re right. It’s not perfect. But what I meant was this… my pn just became far more effective.”

  “Master!!” Akuchi cried, bounding from the shadows. “A miracle! My vampire friends! You—”

  He didn’t finish.

  Because the vampires jumped him instantly.

  Two shadowy figures restrained him. They shadowy figures around them now held the officers’ fallen fshlights and aimed them at their own faces like Rui had done.

  And when the light hit…

  “KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!”

  They were all goths.ALL of them.Goth vampires.

  They wore matching bck eyeliner.Rocked matching bck lipstick.And had matching gleaming fangs.

  “My, my… isn’t that reaction a bit exaggerated?” Ume scolded. “Didn’t I tell you already, Susumu? You’re hurting my feelings. And my friends’.” She tilted her head. “We’re here to save you. Ah, and who is this adorable tanuki here?” she asked, inspecting Akuchi.

  “He’s a friend!” I blurted out. “Thanks to him, we were able to reach and beat Noh-face!”

  “He’s a pain in the butt,” Rui added. “Loves his dumbass games. BUT… he’s loyal when it counts. Let him go, please.”

  Ume sighed lightly.

  Then nodded. “Of course. If you vouch for him, that’s good enough for me!” Her warm smile nearly stopped my heart. Gods, she’s cute.

  “Alright. We’ve wasted too much time already.” She flicked her gaze in the direction of the station they had stealthed through. “More officers will be coming. These aren’t the only ones assigned to chase you. They know you’re cssified as a ‘severe threat’ now. Their response will escate.”

  She sniffed the air.

  “Hmmmm… not yet. But soon. And your tanuki friend can’t perform magic in his condition, I’d wager.”

  I blinked. She could tell all that… just from scent?!

  Ume cpped her hands sharply. “Good! Then we move on to my pn. We’ll get you to the station and through it… and it’ll be easier than you think.”

  From the shadows emerged a cute goth girl carrying two folded outfits. Beside her, a young man stepped into view holding a rge case.

  I raised an eyebrow

  What was that case? Were they going to cut us into little pieces and somehow put them together outside the station?

  What?

  “We’re going to dress you both up,” Ume decred proudly. “You’ll join my flock of the night. Fake fangs included! Once they see us as a vampire coven moving together, the police won’t interfere. They never do. We just need to be careful.”

  She giggled and hopped twice, absolutely delighted.

  I’m going to cospy as a vampire? Well, that’s fine. It’s Halloween after all!

  I grinned at Ume. “That sounds like fun!”

  She blinked at my grin and hers got bigger and somewhat scarier.

  Moments ter, I barely had time to protest before someone tore my ragged Magiranger costume clean off my body.

  A SINGLE vampire shredded what Noh-face couldn’t destroy after half a dozen building-leveling impacts in a single swipe.

  “With THAT kind of strength,” I cried, “w-why didn’t YOU fight Noh-face?!”

  “I don’t get involved in personal fights. But if you’d really needed it…” Ume tapped her luscious lips and smiled.

  Meanwhile, Rui was being changed right next to me.

  I turned away with a nuclear-level blush.

  Clothes were stuffed over my head. Someone yanked at my legs. Underwear was pulled tight… marshaling my anatomy with cruel, unforgiving accuracy.

  My balls were totally crushed.

  “K-KYAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!” I shrieked.

  They shoved socks and shoes on me. Another vampire went to work on my face with terrifying precision. White foundation. Powder. Dramatic bck eyeliner. And then something familiar was pressed to my lips. It was waxy, had a heavy fvor and… My eyes widened.

  It was lipstick.

  I was starting to put two and two together.

  Why does my life always lead back to unwanted makeovers?!

  I couldn’t help getting a fshback. Back when Reiko had introduced me to Carmelldansen, she’d tried several different other things. When she learned how to put on makeup, more often than not, I had to py the part of her practice mannequin.

  I struggled. But they were vampires. I lost without being able to put up much of a fight. I capituted instantly. It was the same as back then. The first time she held me down as she applied mascara and accidentally got some into my eye. I learned that fighting just got me unintentionally hurt.

  By the time they finished, I stood there trembling, looking at Ume with the expression of a vioted baby deer. It was traumatizing to be treated like this by others.

  She circled me critically, a finger on her lips, analyzing me like an artist inspecting a masterpiece.

  Then she bounced and threw both thumbs up, her breasts bouncing.

  “Yes! It’s perfect!”

  I dreaded what that meant.

  The vampires parted to reveal Rui.

  My brain shut down.

  She’d been transformed into a fwless goth loli.

  She wore a bck dress.A pair of long knee-high boots.Some bloodred lipstick that somehow made her look…

  Weirdly …seductive?!

  She approached me. Slowly.Confidently.Her eyes locked onto mine.

  She reached up.

  Her fingers wrapped around the back of my neck.

  My heart stopped.

  Then she… kissed me.

  Full-on.

  My noh-eyes went WIDE. My knees melted. My brain evaporated.

  “N-NOOOOO!!!” Akuchi screamed in agony. “HE’S MY HUSBAND!!!”

  Relwing