The tapping against my holster is rhythmic and steady as I stand at the helm, looking through the transparasteel window at the stars, waiting. Hondo should be here by now. Maker knows if the pirate was desperate enough to demand my personal attention it better be important. I sigh as close my eyes for a long moment.

  Dellalt was still in Republic hands, though probably not for much longer as the local populace was more or less up in arms. The chucklefuck Captain I had left in charge, thank the Maker not one under my personal command, had requested permission to bomb mustering grounds and orbital strike the remaining enemy fortifications. This had been outright denied. There was no purpose to it. We had no surface garrison and any bombings would only agitate the angered populace further.

  Meanwhile Sector General Praji had managed a stalemate over Randon, allowing heavily guarded convoys of both sides to move through the system. I would most likely end up using that route to get to Carida and back. I’d rather be quick than overly safe.

  “Sir, we’re detecting Cronau radiation. Maybe a frigate or two’s worth.” Lieutenant Welder says.

  “Very well.” I mutter, returning to gaze out at the stars. Soon enough a sole Corona class frigate emerges from hyperspace and slowly makes her way towards us, “Have them dock and let Ohnaka know I’ll be waiting for him in my office.”

  “Very well sir.” Comes the reply from Mi-Kus. I nod at him as I pass him. Whatever Hondo wanted it was probably going to end up annoying me greatly. Should I get out the good liquor for this? No, fifth best would suit the pirate just fine. I nod to myself as I enter my office space and get out the liquor, pouring myself a glass and closing the bottle after. I swirl the amber liquid in admiration before taking a sip. Maker knows I’ll need it.

  I glance down at the desk and decide to fuck it. Leaning down I grab a spare Alderaanian card deck. If Hondo wanted to play games we’d play with my cards and we certainly won’t be playing Sabaac! I absentmindedly begin to shuffle the deck as I wait on the Weequay, adding and dissolving my favored cheats as I do.

  Eventually the usually boisterous man enters my cabin, followed by seven children? Seven children of various species, all looking either hopeful or annoyed.

  “Hondo, why are there seven under aged sentients in my office?” I ask, not even trying to hide my frustration at this point.

  “Well, they were under attack by a Separatist ship. I rescued them from this horrible fate, but through miscommunication they killed a couple of my men, the tall one bit the finger off of my second mate and they refused to leave their heavily damaged ship.” the pirate replies back quickly, before any of the kids could answer. Wait why is the Togruta teen wearing a cloak, also does she look familiar? Wait a minute she bit off a finger?

  “Did the Separatist ship happen to be a Corona class frigate? Maybe one of similar make as to the one that is currently docked to my ship?” I press.

  “Exactly!” the pirate hollers.

  I sigh again before asking the pressing question in my head: “What kind of ship was it? Refugee ship? Merchant ship? Supply ship?”

  “Jedi ceremonial ship, heading back from Illum.” The pirate responds.

  I blink once, then again, before slamming my head into my desk. R4 whistles in alarm and Hondo jumps up from his chair. The kids too either jump in concern or surprise. My head is still on my desk as I pose my next question: “Hondo. Do I have seven Jedi children in my office? If so, why?”

  “Well, after rescuing them from the vile Separatists I had them brought to my base of operations at Florrum, where I … lost track of them.” Ohnaka replies. Dammit Hondo, I think as I slam my head against my desk again.

  “Sir?” One of the kids asks.

  “Hondo. If I could afford it, I would strangle you.” I mutter as I slowly right myself.

  “But that is not all!” The pirate prince continues, ignoring my threat as he goes, “After that, my men and I were were attacked!”

  “By whom?” I beg. Fuck a glass I was going to empty the fucking bottle by myself.

  “General Grievous! Somehow-”

  “He tried to sell our lightsabers.” Another one of the kids interrupts.

  “-the dastardly leader of the droid armies managed to find my humble base of operations and slaughtered many of my men! I barely made it out alive!” Ohnaka finishes.

  “So why are you even here?” I ask exasperatedly.

  “Well I thought about evacuating to Republic lines in the Perlimian, but the Separatists have been a bit brutal around there and it seemed like a poor decision with the baby Jedi. Kenobi is currently indisposed, having recently been defeated by Grievous himself and so who else would I go to, but my closest friend!”

  “Friend!?” A good handful of the kids exclaim in surprise.

  “So in other words you came to the person who would not immediately put you in shackles or in front of a firing line.” I deduce.

  “And has there ever been a more profitable friendship?” he asks.

  I choose to ignore him and turn towards the only Jedi wearing a cloak. I sigh and take a swig before speaking: “Who is actually in charge of you kids?”

  “I am.” The cloaked Jedi says. Definitely a teen, I think as she lowers her cloak and fuck.

  “Commander Tano.” I mutter defeated, “Lovely to see you again. How is General Skywalker?”

  “Probably worried sick.” She replies smugly.

  “Did Hondo offer the cloak, or did you take it?” I ask.

  “He offered it-” “-She took it.” The two blame one another.

  I pinch the bridge of my nose and sigh: “Well, just to clear out the air. Jedi of various ages, may I introduce Hondo Ohnaka. Republic privateer, technically a brevet Senior Captain in service to the Republic Navy when it comes to requisitioning supplies and getting his shit repaired, one of my personal information brokers, former pirate prince, occasional smuggler and destroyer of countless Separatist warships.”

  “Not, countless!” the pirate interjects, “It was three hundred forty one C.I.S. ships, thirty fighters, two bombers and an incredibly angry lothcat.”

  I pause wondering how the lothcat mattered in any of this, but continue on anyway: “Do any of the Jedi present require medical treatment?”

  “Not really, but Master Huyang needs some repairs.” The Nautolan kid says.

  Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.

  “Send them to the medical bay then.” I mutter.

  “I think a mechanic would be better suited.” Padawan Tano objects.

  “Fine, then to the mechanics. Do all of you kids need to be present?” I ask. Maker why couldn’t Hondo do something nice for a change? Like kill Grievous, or kidnap Dooku again?

  “Go ahead and head to the medbay.” Tano orders, receiving a mix of whines, complaints and finally agreement. Maker, reminds me of the little cousins last time ma’ and pa’ commed me. That’s a mildly disturbing thought. The children file out, leaving only me, Tano and Hondo, who was eyeing my liquor suspiciously.

  I sigh and pour myself another glass, before handing the bottle to the pirate fuck, nodding to the glass beside him. Finally I turn to the kid, glance her up and down before nodding to myself and grabbing a third glass from the cabinet, snatching the bottle from Hondo before he can refill his already half empty glass and pouring the teen a glass and placing the thing in her hands.

  I finally sit my ass down and toast to the sky: “Maker keep me.”

  “For profit!” Hondo adds, Tano simply looks confusedly at the liquor filled glass.

  I take a sip as I watch the other two fucks in the room: “Not a drinker?”

  “Haven’t really gotten to trying much. Clover once offered me some, but Jesse took it before I could try any.” The kid says.

  “Clover’s not bad,” I reply, “but this will be better.”

  “Speak for yourself! I know you have something better here.” Hondo objects.

  “Fifth best for you until you bring me good news instead of metaphorically shitting on my doorstep.” I counter, the kid finally takes a sip before frowning. I press on anyway, “So how accurate was that and what do I need to write in the official report?”

  “May have exaggerated the number of Separatists in the original encounter.” Hondo admits.

  I roll my eyes: “I know that much. Want me to keep in the part about you selling lightsabers to Grievous?”

  “Best not.” Hondo admits.

  “I’ll blame one of the recently departed as usual. This will cost you a lot. You’re lucky your information is so solid, or else I’d have revoked your letter of marque and had you on a ship half way to Coruscant by now.” I threaten.

  “Wait he won’t loose his contract?” Tano asks.

  “Commander Tano, I get about a fifth of my total intel from this lizardfuck and his network of ne’er do wells, pirates and friends of varying stripes.” I say, nodding towards a preening Ohnaka, “His intel is usually more solid than half the shit I get from Republic Intelligence and has, annoyingly, definitely saved my life at least once. Because of that and the fear of him turning coat, I am rather hesitant to letting go of my lucky gator’s tooth.”

  “Such an honor to be compared to such a mighty beast’s deadly chompers.” Hondo preens.

  “So what does he get out of it, other than his contract?” Tano asks

  “My ignoring his numerous contract breaches in return for non-contractual information.” I answer

  “So what will it be this time? Another map?” The pirate offers.

  “Fuck no. I didn’t care when you attacked those Jedi on Felucia, that was an absolute shitshow all around. I was moderately annoyed at you raiding some of our shipping to Bonadan, but you left the crews alive and I fucking hate those Corpos anyway-”

  “And you cannot pin it on me.” Hondo says.

  “I have enough evidence to cancel the contract.” I threaten.

  “So you say.” He teases.

  “You owe me big time for this.” I say, “One thing to fuck with grown Jedi, it’s an entirely different thing to go after kids.”

  Ohnaka rolls his eyes: “So two maps?”

  “I am not so easily bought.” I say.

  “Is this how you usually negotiate with him?” Tano asks, her face clearly befuddled.

  “Look,” Ohnaka says, ignoring the Padawan’s comment, “I lost a lot of resources over the last few weeks. Ships destroyed, lasers fired, tanks blown up, speeders and loot abandoned. Some of my men even died!”

  “Ahuh.” I say unimpressed, “Even if you had maps I was interested in, say of the north Triellus Trade Route, it would only put a small dent into this debt. You tried to kidnap kids and worse, they’re Jedi kids. That makes this a crime against the Grand Army of the Republic because you basically abducted a bunch of recruits, never mind that these recruits are literally children.”

  “I did not abduct them, I merely attempted to steal from them!” Hondo objects.

  “You did shoot at us with live rounds.” Tano adds.

  I gesture towards the teen in agreement: “Don’t fuck around with kids. Maker I never thought I’d have to tell you that Ohnaka, figured you were smart enough to figure that out on your own! I want intel and a series of small favors to be cashed in at my convenience.”

  “Now, listen here!” Hondo interrupts, “You do not get to simply set terms like this. I did save the baby Jedi after all, even fought Grievous some. Intel is fair game, but a full series of favors? That goes too far!”

  I glare at him before sliding the card deck towards him: “A game then? If I win, six small favors with the usual conversion rate, two maps of the north Triellus Trade Route and a third map of my choosing.”

  Hondo tilts his head in consideration before speaking: “And if I win?”

  “One map of the north Triellus Trade route, a map of my choosing, no favors and I’ll see about getting you a new ship to make up for your losses.” I offer.

  Hondo considers my offer, glancing down at my deck of cards: “Alderaanian?”

  “I know better than to play anyone from the Outer Rim in Sabaac.” I reply.

  He nods: “If I win, one map for you, the report as we agreed upon, no favors and a fully outfitted and modified Gozanti and we’ll play Hosnian Holdem, best of three hands.”

  “Deal.” I say, passing the cards to the pirate.

  “You’re risking this on a game of cards?” Tano asks.

  “Young Jedi,” Hondo says as he begins to shuffle, his head turned towards the Padawan while my attention is focused on the cards. Fucker had inspected the deck before shuffling. He could be cheating already, “In the Outer Rim entire worlds have been won in a game of cards. Something as small as a few favors among good friends is minuscule in comparison.”

  “It’s also a very good habit to have in the Colonies and Mid Rim.” I add as the Weequay deals out the four cards and places the deck, “What no cutting?”

  “Do you trust me so little?”

  “Yes, but it won’t matter.” I say, looking down at my cards as I do so, “Go ahead and flip the first three.”

  The pirate does so and I nod. Already two of a kind, I frown. Could be better: “Next card?”

  “Next card.” The pirate agrees, turning over the next card as he does.

  “My Master usually doesn’t bother with this kind of negotiations.” Tano adds. Maker I wish we were playing for credits. Three of a kind was a good start.

  “Last chance to fold, my friend. Put off your inevitable defeat by a round.” Hondo teases, with the stakes already firmly set there wasn’t any point in folding.

  “Oh shut it, ya railgower and flip the damn card.” I counter, pouring the pirate another glass, “And don’t worry kid. These kinds of negotiations can be useful, but you’re better off avoiding them when possible. Maker knows how many times I’ve walked into a perfectly good establishment, joined a table playing Holdem, Blackjack, Djarik or Sabaac only to find out they were playing for … less then reputable materials. It’s the reason I’m no longer allowed in half the gamblin’ establishments in Fondor City. Kept givin’ anonymous tips to my pa’ about slavers, spice peddlers and blowin’ the cover of undercover MPs by seein’ through their shit disguises. Also, I think I win.”

  Three of a kind and a ten, lay before me. Hondo frowns before lowering his own two of a kind and a four. I pick up the cards and start shuffling fairly.

  “If I didn’t shuffle the cards I’d say you had a suspicious amount of luck there, Dericote.” Hondo complains.

  “Ah go eat sand if you’re that upset about it. If you’re still mad after I win I’ll play you with my paycheck so you can rob me blind in recompense.” I tease, offering the pirate to cut the deck after being content with my shuffling. He does in fact cut the deck in quarters before placing them back on top of one another. I shrug and deal out the cards.

  I frown again. Bad start. Hondo is frowning too: “Go ahead with it.”

  “As you command, prince o’ pirates.” I reply, placing the three topmost cards down, comparing the cards with my own as I go. Not a bad hand, but nothing at the start. Hondo continues to study the cards before gesturing for me to flip the next one. I sigh as I do so, another dud. Looks like Hondo will take this hand.

  Eventually the Padawan in the room speaks up again: “Is this a … typical thing for non-Jedi? The whole, card thing?”

  “Nah, mostly underbelly.” I reply, receiving a nod from Hondo, the last card being flipped and our cards laid bare. The Pirate is grinning like a loon, having won the hand resolutely. Hondo gathers the cards together and starts shuffling the final hand.

  “So how come a Republic officer from the Judicals knows this?” Tano asks.

  “Grew up on Fondor, middle class. Had a good two years of teenage rebellion where I lurked the gambling dens, bars and streets. Usually spent whatever I earned on cigarettes and cheap liquor.” I answer, my eyes pinned on the pirate’s hands.

  “Didn’t know you smoked.” Hondo says.

  “Quit it after meeting my brother. He couldn’t stand the smell and I preferred booze anyway.” I say as the pirate deals.

  “You have a brother?” Hondo asks, picking up his cards as he does, “Ah, that smuggler you asked me to keep an eye out for. Elix.”

  “That’s the one. All we’re waitin’ for is for him to finally relent and let us adopt him.” I say, glancing at my cards, before nodding towards the deck. My frown deepens, “Think he’s about to crack too.”

  “Ah, family. I remember my mother once said, Son. Family is like a business, threaten the low performers into being better and smother everyone in love. If they still aren’t any good after that, go ahead and get rid of them, they aren’t worth it.” The pirate serenades.

  “I can see some wisdom in that.” I mutter as I take a sip. Maker knew pa’ did something like that when his parents didn’t approve of ma’, “Go ahead and flip it.”

  Another card and my frown deepens further. Hondo meanwhile is clearly suppressing a grin. I clear my throat and look at the teen, who finally finished her glass: “Any other questions I should know about?”

  “Depends on how this game ends.” She says.

  “Go ahead and flip it.” I sigh, the final card placed beside the others while Hondo grins like a loon. His own cards soon join the ones on display.

  “A pity for you.” The pirate says, gesturing at his flush “And with such a good opening too.”

  “Not so fast.” I mutter coldly as I place my cards down, “Straight flush. I believe you owe me some maps and favors now.”

  “You. YOU!” Hondo says, standing up from the desk and pointing his finger in my face. The pirate schools his face before bringing a large smile onto his face, “Fine! I know when I am beat. But I still want repairs and replenishment of my munitions and an upfront payment for my next twenty kills!”

  “Munitions fuel and repairs are fine by me. You strapped for cash?”

  “You know what loosing Florrum, even temporarily, does to my operations.” The pirate mutters mutinously.

  “Then I’ll escort you back to Dac. You can have your repairs done there. While you’re there I may be convinced into giving you an advance on your next ten kills so you can get at least a slightly outfitted corvette. Though I will be off to a conference soon enough, probably use my travel to escort the kids at the same time.”

  “Woe is me. MY friend abandoning me for the trappings of an administrative position.” Hondo laments, “You know the offer of joining my crew is still open.”

  “After you pissed off Grievous? Fat chance.” I laugh, “Besides I have some good benefits and a pay raise coming up.”

  “Reward for your seizure of Dellalt I am sure.” Hondo says.

  “No, that would be the promotion to Admiral. The pay raise and benefits are simple side effects.”

  “Ah to see my bet pay off so well.” Hondo replies, wiping away an imaginary tear.

  “Ya know, if I had a cred-chit for every time someone said that about my career. I’d have two of ‘em. Ain’t a lot, but weird it’s happened twice.” I say, before finishing my glass and shuffling the cards for a friendly round, dealing the kid in as I do.

  “Alright, folks. Let’s try not to sell any planets now.” I tease.

  “As if I would ever bet my precious Florrum.” Hondo replies.

  “Didn’t you just loose your precious Florrum to the Seps?” I tease.

  “As if I’d allow something so small as a couple battalions of droids keep me from my crown jewel!” Hondo retorts.

  The kid looks mildly confused, but R4 moves over to her side to start coaching her. Ah, bringing the next generation into the cards. I snicker as the first three cards are revealed. The Jedi playing with R4’s chits until she gets a hold of the game.

  “This is where the fun begins.” I mutter as I take a sip of my glass.