The next day passed very much like the one before, where the wildlife completely ignored the traveling humans and dragonkin in favor of their day-to-day survival. Another pack of wolves took down a traveling polar bear. They passed a second yeti ice fishing hole. A set of ice mephits followed a marching ice fae, who looked at Maeryn’s team consideringly before shrugging and moving on.

  That evening, they made their final preparations, each of them intensely curious how the encounter with the ice dragon would go. There was a minor squabble over who would take which shift for the night—Ooble had wanted to take the last shift again, but he’d had it the previous night, so he was instantly denied. Instead, Maeryn ended up taking the final shift with Peter. Even so, she was abruptly awoken in the middle of the second shift by Dan to assist Ooble with taking down… the fae and mephits they’d passed earlier.

  “That’s it!” Maeryn snarled, standing over the fae’s corpse a few minutes later. “I don’t care if it takes us a little longer, I’m killing every single one of these abyssing ice fae that we see.” She kicked the body angrily, sending it tumbling.

  “I’m right there with you,” Terrance agreed darkly, hands twitching like he sorely wished to join her in abusing the corpse. “Between the attack the other night, and tonight, I get the feeling they’re just malicious instigators. Kill ‘em all.”

  “What is the phrase? Twice is a coincidence, but three times is a pattern?” Ooble counseled, lowering his bow. He’d been deadly efficient at dealing with the mephits, but the fae had nearly gotten the better of him. “Perhaps we should not condemn the entire race until we are certain they are universally at fault?”

  “Normally I’d agree with you,” Dan muttered. “But I’ve learned to trust Maeryn’s gut.”

  “No, no, he’s right,” Maeryn corrected with a bitter sigh, calming down just enough to think straight. “I’m just very grumpy because my sleep is abyssed for the night.”

  “Yeah, this is kind of the worst-case scenario for you,” Terrance agreed sympathetically. “Two and a half hours of sleep, if that, and now you’re all worked up. Good luck getting anything in the next few hours before your shift.”

  “Exactly,” Maeryn muttered resentfully, glaring at the fae’s mangled body. She’d kick it again, but she knew it wouldn’t make her feel any better.

  “I could whip up a sleeping aid if you want?” Dan offered.

  She shook her head. “No, it’d make it harder for me to wake up if another attack happens. I’ll just deal with it. But I won’t turn down a pick-me-up in the morning after everyone’s awake.”

  “That I can do.”

  She gave him a nod, and then stomped back off to the girls’ tent, throwing herself back into her sleeping bag—which had grown cool in her absence. Abyss and blight. Still, she forced herself to calm down. Nursing bitterness would just keep her up longer. She just needed to finish turning off her brain and convince her body that it was time to relax.

  Maeryn took long, slow breaths, consciously flexing and relaxing individual muscle groups: starting with her toes, working up through her legs, her core, her chest. By the time she rolled her shoulders and loosened her arms, the worst of her tension had drained away. Finally, nearly twenty minutes after she started, she let go, and let sleep take her.

  All too soon, she woke once more, though she felt much more rested than before. Not great, but good enough.

  “You alright, Maeryn? You don’t look like you slept well,” Peter asked her worriedly as she settled by the fire.

  ‘Good enough’ was relative, apparently. “I’ve been better. We had an attack a few hours ago,” Maeryn told him, trying not to sound terse but also wanting to convey that she didn’t want to talk about it. “But I’ll be fine. Dan’ll give me something to take the edge off when he wakes up. Worst case scenario, I’ll attune to ice and stick with it for the day.”

  Peter cocked his head in confusion. “Why would that help?”

  “Exhaustion is partly emotional. Ice is good at locking that away when it needs to. That means I can force myself to get through the day if I have to.”

  “Sounds unhealthy.”

  “Oh it is,” Maeryn agreed wholeheartedly. “Which is why I don’t make a habit out of it. But what am I gonna do, ask the dragon for a rain check?”

  Peter grimaced sympathetically. “Fair point.”

  They sat in silence for a time after that, which suited Maeryn fine. She kept her attention on their surroundings, scanning for any more beasts under the cover of night while the fire crackled merrily.

  “Hey, Maeryn?” Peter broke the silence after nearly an hour.

  “Hmm?”

  “I know you’ve been working on attuning to water magic. How’s that going?

  Maeryn sighed. “I’m close, I think. I just keep having this feeling that I’m missing something important about how I’m defining myself.”

  Peter leaned forward, his eyes expressing clear interest, so she cleared her throat. “I’ve gone over my personality traits from every perspective I can think of. Mine, you all’s, even my enemies’. I’ve considered my past, and Frankie helped me see what I want from the future. I’ve examined how I interact with other people over and over again, analyzing why I react the way I do and figuring out what I want to keep.”

  She raked a hand through her hair. “I can’t think of anything I’m missing, and it bothers me. What else could I possibly be missing about myself? I have my past, my goals, my trauma, my values, my flaws and virtues, everything! But still, I’m missing something!”

  Peter listened, nodding in time with her rant. When Maeryn finally slumped, he coughed. “Do you mind if I offer my perspective?”

  “By all means. Anything if I can get past this.”

  “Did you ever consider what makes you happy?”

  Maeryn blinked. “What?”

  “Did you ever consider what makes you happy?” Peter repeated, his tone slightly more deliberate, like he’d just been testing the first time he suggested it. “Or sad? Because everything you listed sounds like what you give to the world. How you present yourself. Your experiences. What you’re pursuing. But you never said anything about happiness or sadness. And without that…”

  He shrugged helplessly. “Water’s about Balance, right? Happiness and sadness are important.”

  Maeryn frowned, going over her mental checklist. “No… I mean, I touched on it sometimes, but… never so explicitly, I guess,” she muttered.

  “Well, go on then,” Peter invited. “If you want to talk it through, I’ll keep your secrets. If you want to keep it to yourself, I don’t mind. But I’m just glad to help.”

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  Maeryn considered him for a long moment, then shrugged. “Sure, why not? I don’t have anything worth keeping secret.” She looked at the fire, her mind racing through her life to find the moments that stood out. “For a long time, I liked being useful. It validated all my hard work. Made me feel seen. Needed. Respected.”

  The fire spat sparks into the air, as if punctuating her thoughts. Peter didn’t say anything, but she felt his eyes on her. Listening.

  “Respect is still important to me. But the moments that made me happy?” Maeryn smiled softly. “Mostly revolve around my family, and this team. Bantering with Terrance. Trying out one of Ernesto’s cheeses. Hanging out with Frankie. Poking fun at Dan’s infinite pockets. Bonding with Veronica over sweets. Getting to know Ooble and learning to navigate all the inter-species weirdness” She gestured at Peter. “Forging an actual connection with you instead of just knowing you as ‘Frankie’s boyfriend.’”

  The engineer blushed. “I appreciate that,” he mumbled.

  Maeryn turned her gaze upward, at the stars twinkling in the sky. “I love rock climbing. It’s great for helping me regain my center. For getting my head in order. But you know what? I think I love music a little more.” Her smile turned nostalgic. “I know I had to leave my guitar behind, because it would’ve been damaged by the cold. But I miss it.”

  “I knew you practiced in your room, sometimes, but you’ve never played loud enough for any of us to hear,” Peter noted.

  Maeryn chuckled. “That’s left over from my first days trying it out. I was so terrified someone would overhear me and think ‘abyss, she has no talent at all.’ It would have crushed me, and I’d have felt like an absolute heel after Terrance went out of his way to buy it for me.” She let out a long sigh. “Maybe I’ll play for you all when we get back. Might be nice. I’ve worked hard at it.”

  “I’d like that,” Peter said sincerely. “And I think the others would, too.”

  “You know what? I think you’re right.” Maeryn inhaled deeply, letting the breath go. Her exhale took with it a lot of her stress and tension. “As for sadness? I guess I know that too well.”

  “What do you mean?”

  Maeryn shook her head. “Let’s just say that I could attune to void magic like Terrance if I wanted to, and leave it at that. Those were bad days. A lot of ‘em in a row.” A flicker of that old crushing despair tried to emerge from the depths, and she forced it back down. She wasn’t back there. Even so, the fire’s warmth felt a little less now.

  Peter nodded. “Do you want to try attuning to water now? I’ll keep a lookout for you, and shake you if something shows up.”

  Maybe it was just the mood, maybe it was the conversation, but… Maeryn actually did want to try. “Yeah, okay. It shouldn’t take me long.” She closed her eyes, crossing her legs and centering her breathing as she fell into a meditative state. Water magic had three concepts behind it, and she considered each of them in turn:

  Calm. Water would always return to calm in the end, if nothing further disturbed it. And in calm water, depths could be seen, and truths discovered.

  Community. A single droplet was powerless. A tidal wave was crushing. Water’s strength only showed itself when it was surrounded by its fellows, working together.

  Balance. Active resistance to change. Water did not freeze instantly once placed in a frigid environment. It took extended exposure. But even then, no matter what form it took—ice, vapor, liquid—it would always be water. And some traits persisted regardless of how it presented itself.

  Maeryn presented her truths to her magic. Her flaws and virtues, her joys and sorrows, her past and her dreams. The core of who Maeryn d’Vert really was. The person she wanted to be.

  Her mana shifted, and she could tell it was on the verge of accepting her. And yet… there was something missing. For a moment, Maeryn almost panicked, before she realized the obvious answer. Right. The paradigm. She needed to focus on the version of herself aligned with water.

  Fire Maeryn burned with passion and drive. Ice Maeryn froze emotion to focus on logic. Necro Maeryn sought to end her enemies with whatever was required. Wind Maeryn found her freedom in movement. Holy Maeryn uplifted the people around her. Earth Maeryn drew strength in supporting others.

  But Water Maeryn had only one demand: to be true to herself. Could she do that? Was she ready to be herself, without hiding behind one element or another?

  Maeryn breathed, slow and deep. Yes.

  Her mana surged, accepting her vow. Inside her chest, it shifted, changing shape into something fluid and mutable, a soothing water that flowed throughout her. Maeryn opened her eyes with the self-acceptance of a water mage.

  Peter jolted. “What was that?” he asked, rubbing his chest.

  “Mana resonance,” Maeryn explained with a smile. “You can feel other people using your element, or attuning to it.”

  “Oh. Oh! Then you just…?”

  “Yep. Attuned to water.” Maeryn raised one arm and flexed it… which didn’t really do anything under her heavy winter coat. But it got the point across. “Finally.”

  “And… do you feel better?” Peter asked hopefully.

  She considered the question. “Sort of, but not in the way you’d think?” she finally answered. “It’s… liberating, I guess. To know who I am. To be okay with it. And to know that if I want to change, I can. Even if it takes time.”

  Peter smiled back at her. “Yeah. You’re right. So what’s next for you?”

  Maeryn rolled her shoulders experimentally as she stood up. “Figuring out water magic variants of my standard attack spells, so I can get the hang of it. Every element’s a little different, you know.”

  It didn’t take her long to go through the basic list. Flame Dart translated to Aqua Dart… which was little more than throwing water in someone’s face. Fireball turned into Waterball… which was just throwing more water in someone’s face. She even tried her luck with Aqua Lance, which didn’t hurt her at all to cast… but also didn’t do much more than explode into water on contact with the rock Maeryn was testing against.

  She’d known that water mages weren’t focused on combat in general, but she hadn’t realized just how useless water was at fighting. “Abyss.”

  “What about auras?” Peter encouraged. “Maybe they do something neat?”

  “Maybe,” Maeryn said doubtfully. Even so, she dutifully connected to the ambient mana and tried it. Aqua Aura of Calm didn’t do anything she could detect. Balance likewise. Community, though…

  Peter shivered as the aura enveloped him. “What the? I… Why do I suddenly feel connected with you?” he demanded.

  Maeryn raised an eyebrow, a suspicion rising in her. “That’s the Community aura. Mind if I try something?”

  “I guess? But this feels really weird.”

  She charged up another Aqua Lance, and realized that this iteration was a lot larger and formidable-looking. She glanced over at Peter, who had raised his hands unconsciously, contributing his own mana to assist. “And… confirmed,” she muttered, releasing the spell and the aura. “Aqua Aura of Community apparently allows for easy, instinctive joint casting. Not sure when that’ll be useful, but good to know.”

  “That was bizarre,” Peter said, visibly shaking off the unsettling sensation. “I just… followed along. It was like my mind went blank, and I was just following your lead.”

  Maeryn hesitated, concern rising in her chest. “What, like I brainwashed you or something?”

  Peter shook his head. “No, more like… more like…” He groaned, apparently unable to find the words. “I don’t know how to explain it. It was like my mana felt what yours was doing, and when I didn’t say no, it just… pulled me along for the ride. Like the mana resonance from earlier, except a thousand times stronger.”

  “Huh.” Maeryn scratched her chin consideringly. “Ooble’s a water mage, too. I wonder what the three of us could pull off, if we tried.”

  Peter frowned. “I don’t mind experimenting, as long as you don’t start expecting me to participate in the fighting. I promised Frankie I wouldn’t do that.”

  She blinked, taken aback. “I wouldn’t ask anyone not combat-trained to fight for me. Not in the kind of battles I’m part of, not if it could be avoided at all,” she told him directly. “There are faster ways to die, but not many.”

  “Oh. Well, good.” Peter seemed to have been thrown off balance by her forthrightness, but he recovered quickly.

  Maeryn glanced at the horizon, which was slowly lightening as sunrise approached. “Think it’s about time we wake everyone up. You get the guys, I’ll get the girls and Ooble?”

  Peter gave her a thumbs up, and darted into the tent.

  A half-smile graced her face, before she strode into her own tent to wake the others. They had a dragon to meet, and a world to save.