In an extravagantly decorated home,

  “Mama, hold on!!” I shouted, performing acrobatics just to put on a sweater.

  located near one of the most productive estuaries in the world,

  “Hurry up! You’ll be te for your st day of school!”

  lived America’s most eccentric girl

  Just as she said that, I danced out of my room and slid down the stairs and nded in an epic pose! “I, Fiona Yvonne-Keller Yamato, have arrived at the scene!”

  “Get in the car!! You’re so te!”

  “Ah, ah! Rex, mama, you’re basically in a car all the time!”

  She sat in a wheelchair, her lower body all gone due to something happening in her profession (I wasn’t born when she lost them, so I never questioned it). So if she was in a wheelchair all the time, she must have super human arms to drive the wheelchair. Why need a car when you’re always in one, right?

  “Fiona. You’re really stupid, you know that?”

  “Nyuge?!”

  She grabbed me by the hair and began dragging me out the house, letting me bang my head against the door as it came to a natural close.

  Yes, she was really freaking stupid.