It wasn’t so much the way I had organised my breakfast. Same thing as always really.

  My favourite ceramic bowl, filled to the brim with chocote fkes.

  When the sound of subtle cracking emerged from my living room.

  I tipped my chair back, mouth still hanging open mid spoon. As the wall near my tv just burst open with an echoing crash. Sending drywall into every direction and making me hit the floor—cereal included.

  When I got to my feet, drenched in low fat soy milk mixed with the fvour of chocote brownies. I was now looking at a door.

  Not the 20th century kind, no. Full on medieval. Straight out of a video game or something.

  “What the actual Ffff.” The door handle interrupted my outrage , beginning to move the door outward to the sound of hinges—sans lube.

  A normal person would’ve hid, fled even.

  Not this guy.

  This door was in my house and whoever came through it owed me a new wall. And more importantly… a new favourite bowl.

  Looking at the shattered remains of my limited edition ceramic.

  I patiently waited, spoon in hand and phone in the other. I’ve seen enough dash-cam footage to know, it’s always best to have video evidence. Already pying it in my mind.

  Man, hailed hero for fighting off intruders with utensils.

  The door flew open and nearly off its hinges, with 3 screaming figures barreling toward me. Followed by a barrage of arrows. Yes, arrows! And peppering my lounge room like needles to a cushion.

  I jumped behind my couch, hearing the thumps and ripping noises destroy my premium leather…

  Ok fine “pleather” couch.

  “Shut it!” Was all I heard, in-between ragged breaths and cursing. In dialects I hadn’t heard before.

  A heavy clonk confirmed said shutting command and I peeked above the shredded seating arrangement.

  Just before I could identify said intruders, my phone hit me with a notification. Forcing me to drop behind the couch and strangle it.

  I didn’t get notifications this early in the day, like… ever.

  My pulse was racing from the intruders, the arrows and my aching heart. Bowl… When I decided to focus on the contents of the phone’s message.

  [Congratutions: You have been chosen to represent Dungeon 22-B.]

  [You have been awarded Startup Fund]

  [You have been awarded Safe-zone progression]

  [You have unlocked Currency Based Levelling]

  [Bonus]

  [For fulfilling a prerequisite you have been awarded a unique Skill]

  [Unique Passive: “Show me the Money” Unlocked]

  What?

  My phone auto deleted the message and turned bck instantly. Cool, didn’t need to read the fine print I guess.

  And when trying to turn it back on, it btantly refused.

  “If you don’t turn on right now…” I started threatening, when boots began to scrape along my nice floorboards.

  Wrong day assholes!

  I stood up and instantly froze at the 3 to 1 mismatch.

  An elf, orc and human. All in medieval looking gear and covered in injuries and fluids. Dripping onto my pristine red pine boards.

  My eyes narrowed, anger fighting away any logical reasoning or fear.

  “Can I help you with something?” I managed to utter through gritted teeth, knuckles clenched tight around my spoon.

  The human spoke first.

  “Greetings, you must be in charge of this here… pce. Lovely might I add, but we are in need of some assistance good sir.” The Orc looking the worst of the 3.

  The chocote fvour of my breakfast was swiftly repced with that of copper, as I continued to scan them side to side.

  “I’m afraid I can’t assist you, but you are more than welcome to leave.” I continued, lips still pressed together in an annoyed fake smile, eyes half squinted.

  “You must be joking, did you not see what we just came from?”

  I gnced back at the 2nd casualty of this morning—my couch.

  “Oh I saw, and more importantly… don’t care. Head on back where you came from, or I will call the cops.” I bluffed, since my phone wasn’t working and what would I even tell them? That my house was invaded by beings from another world and destroyed my favourite bowl? They probably believe the bowl part at least.

  “W-We can pay? I know it’s not very custom, but we’re in quite the pickle. Please?” The elf chimed in. A pretty thing if I had to admit. The type I loved to see in RPGs, but never bothered pying myself. Vampires all the way baby.

  The elf dy handed me a silver coin, fingers brushing my palm.

  “For staying here? Until we can heal up our companion at least.” Her green eyes unmistakably beautiful, but wasted.

  “Two! And if you break any more of my shit, you’ll pay for that as well.”

  With that, a 2nd coin nded in my palm and a voice went off in my head like a phone arm.

  [First exchange completed]

  [HUD Integration now underway]

  Little boxes started to flicker into my field of view and just… stayed there.

  Things like level, health and currency. The usual stuff I was used to from video games. With only one niggle—this was real life!

  Calm down Greg, you can panic ter. Floor and bowl first.

  The group gave me a bnk stare, awaiting some sort of direction.

  “You can take the corner over there.” I grumbled.

  They bowed a few times and dragged their companion off to said corner. Like a bunch of rats dragging off ripe fruit. The bleeding orc dripping green ooze all over my once perfect floor.

  That’s going to stain the wood. Maaaaaan.

  I headed back to the shattered remains of my ceramic and discarded them painfully slow.

  “An unfitting end for the most reliable bowl I had since moving here.” My palm resting on its final resting pce—the metal bin.

  “Next is the lounge room.” Peeking around the corner of my dinner table, to the aftermath of blood and arrows. Groaning heavily, as I massaged my temples in a clockwise motion.

  “Awesome start to a fresh day.”

  Arrows. Bloody. Everywhere.

  The couch was done. No saving her. Bck leather, round curves, soft cushions… like bags of sand. Everything you could ever want, snuffed out in a manner of…

  “13… No, 14 arrows.

  Just… Wow—thanks a lot.” Not even bothering to remove the ones out of the sofa.

  That’s getting thrown out as is.

  While painstakingly removing one barbed shaft after another from either mpshades or divider walls. I couldn’t help myself from eavesdropping a bit.

  They looked like the typical adventuring type, though their appearance wasn’t shocking. You gain a kind of resistance after all.

  “Lucky we found this pce.” The man softly chuckled, scratching the back of his head and cleaning what looked to be a broadsword.

  “Lucky the door was open, though the money thing is new.” The elf responded.

  I was just pretending to clean at this point, trying to get as much information as I could.

  “This zone is a lot nicer. And while it does have a cost, it’s definitely too cheap to…” And that’s when their voices dimmed to a whisper, giving me the occasional drive-by gre as I kept collecting arrows from the floorboards.

  No worries folks, just cleaning your mess in MY house.

  I paused, staring off into the distance.

  Wait a minute—too cheap?