I went from isle to isle, trying my best to stick to the list—but struggling.
I wasn’t sure what justified, as actual silk or just some knockoff fabric. Since most of these items were priced the same, while feeling only slightly different in texture.
The nightmare of a man in a female underwear store.
“Need any help?” A young woman asked, straightening out some curtains near me.
The smell of the different fabrics and washing detergents used were making my head pulse. With the added annoyance of going shopping against my will.
I’m a “get in and get out” kinda guy—not this shit.
“Yes, I need some help please. Could you tell me which of these are silk?”
The woman sort of scoffed and half snorted at my question.
“They’re all Silk.” She added dryly.
Sensitive.
“What’s the most… ‘budget’ friendly piece?” Grabbing the corner of one of the more expensive sheets. “Don’t want to go overboard is all.”
“That is the ‘budget’ friendly one.”
My head cocked to one side, one brow at full attention.
“But these have a cheaper price tag and I was just looking for something a bit more mid-tier.” Brushing through the other side of silk bed sheets, in order to dispy my findings.
“Those are polystyrene blends.” Pointing at the section I was looting through.
“But they say silk?”
“Yes, but.” She paused, lifting one of the sheets up and brushing against it through the back, fingernails pointing heavily. “See how this one flows less? More resistance, less elegant.”
Would Anna even notice the difference?
Yes… yes she would.
I sighed and pointed at the one I initially thought of as “expensive”, before handing her a few of my bills.
“I’ll just grab one set please.”
“Splendid, let’s head to the counter and get you all sorted.”
She grabbed the selected set of sheets and wrapped it around a fancy looking material. Even adding an expensive looking ribbon around it.
“That’ll be 599 please. Cash or card?”
I looked at the bills in my hand and then back at the price-tag.
“Wasn’t it 200? I swear the price said…”
The dy smiled at me, shaking her head slightly before lifting the small bel on the tag.
“That’s the member-only price.” Now pointing at the illegally small number beneath.
“This is the retail price.”
“…”
“Would you like to become a member?”
I paused, feeling the intense frustration build up.
“How… much?!” I responded through gritted teeth.
“We actually have a special this week. If you sign up today it will only be 2000 a year.” As the dy handed me the incredibly well made pamphlet.
2000… for a membership—for silk sheets?!
I looked down at the shopping bag that was filled with my suspiciously neat bundles of cash.
That’ll clean out a good portion of my shopping funds that I brought with me.
I shook the offer out of my head.
“Just the sheets please.” Handing over the bills and watching her process the payment, before being handed the finishing receipt.
It looked more like some sort of certificate than the usual paper that would stain the inside of my wallet.
“Thank you for your purchase. We hope to see you next time.” Now pcing the wrapped sheets into an even nicer looking bck paper bag, with their golden logo embroidered onto the front.
“T-Thank you.” I muttered, now making my way out of the store and back into the bustling shopping centre.
Price aside. That experience made me feel all warm and fluffy. A feeling I’d never gotten from any pce I had shopped before.
Maybe I should think about that membership…
I idly strolled through the centre, until I passed a mobile store.
Something I had surprisingly dealt well with—life without a smartphone and all.
“Hey. Do you guys have any phone pns that still get reception out in the sticks?”
“How far out?” The store employee asked.
“About 5 hours out… give or take.” Looking through the newest versions of my previous phone.
Oooh this one has 8 cameras now… cause 6 weren’t enough aye?
The man looked something up on his computer, smacking his lips a few times and then…
“You will have a connection, but it’s not the most reliable—even with the best provider.”
Thanks chief.
“A basic pn will do then.” Grabbing pointing to the smartphone, which was the next version up from my previous one. “And this one please.”
“Sure thing mate.” Starting to back one box after another.
“If you get a cover, I’ll chuck in a screen-protector for ya.”
I do like myself a thrown in bonus.
“Yeah, let’s do it.” Smiling at the man, as I did the mental math of the cost. “Can I pay the pn upfront though?”
“Yes, but it will be a bit more expensive. We tend to prefer recurring payments, you know.”
Of course you do.
“So overall this will retail for… 3399.”
“…”
I simply handed him most of my remaining funds and was handed the cheap bag with its expensive contents.
“Thanks.”
“No worries. And I’ve set up your sim-card too.” Giving me his best customer service smile. “Simply turn on and go.”
I gave him my nod of approval and left the store, a chair in the faraway corner begging for my… asset.
As soon as my cheeks hit the, let’s say adequate cushioning. I began the process of “yay I have a new phone”, with the mundane set up task.
Sync contacts: Bitch, with what phone?
Install newest firmware update: Whyyyyyy…
Please enjoy 3 months of (name whatever brand you want) streaming service: I don’t think I’ll be doing much streaming in my neck of the woods.
And I was finally. Greeted by the fluorescent screen of the thin smartphone screen and the first few popup notifications.
[Thank you for setting up]
And
[View Tips and Tricks here]
And of course
[??? : You shouldn’t have done that.]
Wait what?
The notification disappeared. Barely comprehending the content as my eyes finished reading it.
“Shouldn’t have done…” I froze.
No, surely not.
I got up and let the phone rest alone on the seating arrangement, like I was avoiding some form of Phone-flu. When the next notification hit—from the system.
[Greg has reintroduced a cellur device]
[…]
And that was it.
So I picked my phone back up, seeing if anything else was afoot.
When another sudden jerk in pixels washed across my screen, reading 3 words faintly… but undeniable.
[Good luck, Greg]