Sunday morning.

  I woke up staring at the ceiling of my empty house. The emotional hangover from yesterday was brutal. The violent disqualification, the terrified looks on my friends' faces, Jessica straddling my p on the sofa, and finally... me, breaking down and sobbing into her shoulder.

  It was a lot to process. It sucked that Sean had texted her, forcing her to go home just when I needed her the most. But as the morning light filtered through the blinds, I realized my chest felt lighter. The suffocating pressure of being the "perfect, stoic martial artist" was gone. The worst had already happened. I had survived.

  I picked up my phone from the nightstand. Three unread messages from Tyson, Alvin, and Jones. They were asking to meet up at our usual Sunday hangout spot. They wanted to check on me. They wanted to talk about the tournament.

  Fuck that. I tossed the phone onto the bed. I wasn't in the mood to face their pity, and I definitely wasn't in the mood to expin why I had snapped. I only wanted to talk to one person.

  I picked the phone back up, opened Jessica's contact, and typed out a quick text. Hey. Thank you for staying with me yesterday. I really needed it.

  The reply came almost instantly. She didn't make a big deal out of my breakdown. Instead, she just asked if I wanted to pick her up tomorrow morning so we could go to school together.

  I stared at the screen. Our school had a strict policy prohibiting undercssmen from driving their personal vehicles to campus to save parking space for the staff and seniors. The old Daeron would have taken the bus to avoid getting a detention.

  The old Daeron was dead. Fuck the rules. I'll be there at 7:30, I texted back. I spent the rest of Sunday buried in the cushions of my couch, gripping an Xbox controller until my thumbs blistered, perfectly content to let the world burn without me.

  *

  Monday morning. The freezing air rattled the windows of my car as I pulled into Jessica's driveway.

  I kept the engine idling, waiting for her to come out. Instead, the garage door opened, and Sean walked out, heading toward his SUV. He paused when he saw my car, his brow furrowing before he walked over to my rolled-down window.

  "Daeron?"

  "Hey. Morning, Sean."

  "You here to pick up Jessica?" he asked, looking genuinely surprised.

  "Yep."

  "Huh." Sean scratched his jaw, his eyes darting between me and the front door. "Anyway, I heard you competed in the Regional Karate Tournament on Saturday."

  "Yeah." I kept my voice perfectly ft. "Jessica told you?"

  "Yeah, she mentioned it briefly when she got home. So, how did it go?"

  "Heh." A dark, humorless smirk crossed my face. "Well. I got disqualified."

  "Damn. How come?"

  "Let’s just say... I used a little too much power for point-sparring."

  Sean let out a booming ugh, completely missing the dark reality of what I had actually done. "Well, knowing the way you fight, man, I can easily imagine why they disqualified you."

  The front door clicked open. Jessica jogged down the driveway, her backpack slung over one shoulder, her bright ginger hair catching the morning sun.

  As she walked past Sean's SUV, he stepped sideways, physically blocking her path.

  "Hey," Sean said. His friendly demeanor vanished, repced by a strict, authoritative tone. "We need to talk ter."

  Jessica stiffened. She didn't look up at him. She just gave a quick, submissive nod and immediately slipped into the passenger seat of my car, shutting the door heavily behind her.

  "Drive safe, you two," Sean called out, his friendly smile returning as he waved to me.

  "Thanks, you too," I waved back, shifting the car into reverse.

  "Bye, Sean!" Jessica yelled out the window, forcing a bright, cheerful tone.

  The second we drove out of her neighborhood, the tension in her shoulders melted away. The drive to school was electric. With Jessica in the passenger seat, the freezing commute felt like a completely different world. We threw rapid-fire banter back and forth, ughing at stupid jokes. The fifteen-minute drive felt like it was over in thirty seconds.

  As I pulled onto the crowded high school campus, Jessica leaned forward, looking through the windshield. "Wait. Where are you gonna park? The senior lot is completely full."

  "Right there," I said, cranking the steering wheel and pulling directly into the reserved, freshly paved staff parking lot.

  Jessica gasped, her hands flying to her mouth. "Daeron! Are you crazy? What if the teachers find out?!"

  I threw the car into park and killed the engine. I looked over at her, my face completely deadpan. "Meh. Fuck it."

  Jessica stared at me for a second before bursting into a loud, melodic ugh. Her eyes sparkled with adrenaline. She loved it. The strict, rule-abiding martial artist was finally breaking bad.

  "I really like this confident side of you, Tiger," she purred, leaning across the console.

  "Of course you do," I smirked, throwing her a subtle wink.

  She giggled, pyfully nudging my arm before grabbing her bag. For the first time in my life, I walked through the school doors without caring what anyone else thought. I didn't need the Karate Federation. I didn't need the school's approval. I just needed her.

  **

  The days blurred together into a numb, repetitive gray.

  In the cssroom, I sat in the back row, my eyes heavy with apathy as the teachers droned on. Every now and then, a teacher would try to put me on the spot with a complex question, hoping to catch me scking. I always answered perfectly, my voice dripping with bored arrogance. My discipline was gone, but my brain still worked.

  The only time I actually felt alive was during the lunch break. Jessica would slip out of her junior csses and find me in the courtyard. We cimed a secluded, hidden corner behind the old brick archways. That spot became our secret sanctuary. We didn't talk much. We just consumed each other—heavy petting, desperate grinding against the brick wall, and breathless oral. Those intense, dopamine-fueled hookups were the only things keeping me from suffocating in my own misery.

  But I couldn't hide my downward spiral forever.

  After the final bell rang on a Tuesday, I was packing my bag when the cssroom door banged open. Tyson marched in. He didn't look friendly. He smmed his massive frame down onto the edge of my desk, trapping me in my seat, staring daggers into my face.

  "Why are you avoiding us?" Tyson demanded. His voice was naturally deep, but when he was angry, it commanded the entire room.

  "Just give me some space, will ya?" I muttered, refusing to look him in the eye.

  "Have you lost your damn mind?! What the fuck is happening to you, dog?!" His voice boomed, bouncing off the chalkboards. "Why are you acting like we’re the enemy?!"

  I stopped packing. I slowly stood up, squaring my shoulders, locking my dead eyes onto his. "Give. Me. Fucking. Space."

  Tyson’s jaw clenched. He stared at me, searching my face for the brother he used to know. He didn't find him.

  "..... Fine," Tyson growled, his voice dropping to a dangerous rumble. "But remember this, Daeron. WE. ARE. NOT. YOUR. ENEMY!"

  He pushed off the desk and stormed out. As he cleared the doorway, I saw Alvin standing in the hallway. The nerd was holding his books tightly against his chest, looking at me with profound, heartbreaking disappointment.

  I grabbed my bag, walked right past Alvin without saying a single word, and went to find Jessica.

  From that day on, my routine was locked. I burned my bridges. I hung out with Jessica, and only Jessica. I canceled my membership at the local gym and found a new one across town so I could lift alone in the dark. On weekends, I locked my bedroom door and pyed video games until my eyes bled. The boys texted me a few times, but I left them on read. I was a monster, and monsters belonged in isotion.

  The cycle continued, unbroken, until the final exams ended and Summer Break arrived.

  *

  "Ahhhhh, finally!" Jessica groaned, throwing her arms up as she stretched in the passenger seat of my car. "Exams are done! Summer break is officially here!!!"

  "I like Winter more," I sighed, staring out the windshield at the bright June afternoon.

  "Oh, shut up, Tiger! Summer is fun! There are so many activities we can do! Hiking, shopping, te-night BBQ at the beach!"

  "Yeah. Going to the beach to find bitches," I chuckled drily.

  "Eww," she wrinkled her nose in disgust. "You sound like a desperate virgin!"

  "Well, who cares? I’m not ashamed of my virgin status," I answered confidently, leaning my elbow on the door console.

  Jessica completely froze. She slowly turned her head to look at me, her green eyes wide with genuine shock. "Wait. Are you serious? You’re actually still a virgin?!"

  "Yeah. You never let me fuck you, Cheeto, so the V-card is still intact."

  "You’re joking, right?"

  "No, I’m not." I gnced over at her. "My body count is literally zero. What about you? What's your body count?"

  "Umm... one."

  "What? Bullshit. No way it's only one."

  "What the hell?! Do you think I’m a fucking slut?!" She reached over and punched my shoulder hard. I just ughed at her sudden outrage.

  "Well, you’re the popur, gorgeous cheerleader. I’m just not buying that there's only been one guy."

  "Well... it's the truth," she muttered, turning her head to stare out the passenger window, suddenly acting highly defensive.

  "Must have been a damn special guy then, huh?" I prodded.

  ".... Not really."

  "Don’t tell me…" I paused, letting a wicked grin spread across my face. She looked back at me, her eyes wide with panic. "Is it Sean????"

  "HELL NO!!!! YOU SICK FUCK!!!" she shrieked, leaning over the console and barraging me with a flurry of weak, frantic punches.

  "Hahahaha! Hey, chill!! I’m driving a moving vehicle here!" I ughed, swatting her hands away. "So tell me, who is it then?"

  "I’m not gonna tell you!!" she huffed, crossing her arms tightly over her chest.

  "Whoa, come on, don’t be like that. I’m not gonna get jealous, Cheeto."

  "... No. Your question card is ruined!" she pouted.

  She stared at the dashboard for a long minute. The pyful energy in the car shifted into something much more calcuted.

  "Anyway..." she started casually, tracing a finger over her knee. "It seems like you’re not hanging out with the boys anymore, right?"

  "Heh. You could say that. It’s not like I hate them, but they’re busy with their girls."

  "Really?" She tilted her head. "Tyson I understand, because Amy is always clinging to him. But what about Alvin?"

  "Alvin and Faye are practically married now. He became a lot busier once they made it official."

  "So you never talk to Alvin anymore?" she pushed, her eyes darting to my face.

  "Of course I still talk to him. We’re in the same homeroom. Sometimes we just chat a little at our desks. Why?"

  "Just wondering." She paused, biting her lower lip. "How about Jones?"

  "Meh, I don’t know. He’s the only one who seems to avoid me completely. Maybe he's busy fucking around, who knows."

  "So... you never talk to him?" she asked. Her voice was perfectly steady, but her grip on her purse strap was white-knuckled.

  "Not since I got disqualified at the tournament. No."

  "I see."

  Jessica let out a long, quiet, heavy exhale. I watched her shoulders physically drop as a massive wave of relief washed over her.

  "Anyway, what’s your pn for Summer Break?" she asked, her bright, cheerful tone returning instantly.

  "Ugh, I think I’m gonna go to Denmark. My parents are forcing me to come, since I successfully dodged their business trip st summer."

  "Awww! But I had a pn for a road trip with the girls, and I was actually pnning to invite you!" Jessica deployed her ultimate weapon: the cute, pleading cat face.

  "Bullshit," I scoffed. "If you were actually pnning to invite me, you would have done it weeks ago."

  "I’m serious!!"

  "I don't buy it. Last time you 'invited' me to a movie, you texted me five minutes before the previews started because your original date bailed!"

  "Yeah, but... I'm serious this time!"

  "Whatever. I can’t come anyway. Denmark is locked in."

  "Aw, don’t be mad, Tiger. Let’s stop by your house so I can lift your mood before you leave," she purred, sliding her hand over mine on the center console.

  "Are you crazy? My parents are actually home packing today. What about your house?"

  "Hell no! My dad is at home too!"

  "But he's locked in his office working at this hour, right? We can sneak in."

  "Yeah... but Sean is at home!"

  "So? I think Sean will be cool about it. Besides, I still owe him a visit." I hit the turn signal, preparing to route toward her neighborhood.

  "No! … Sean will tell my dad!" she panicked, her voice pitching up in genuine arm.

  "It's fine, I’ll just hang out with Sean in the living room then."

  "NO!!!" she yelled, grabbing the steering wheel to stop me from turning.

  "Hey! Chill the fuck out!" I snapped, spping her hand away.

  "Just no, Daeron! Please! Or I… or I’ll get grounded by my dad!"

  "Yeah, yeah. Fine."

  I straightened the wheel and drove her to the end of her block, refusing to pull into the driveway. She waved goodbye, still looking incredibly on edge, and practically sprinted up to her front door.

  I rolled my window up and drove straight home. Ready or not, Summer Break was here.

  **

  The Denmark trip was a beautiful, suffocating exile.

  During the first week of Summer Break, my parents and I flew to Hiller?d to stay at my grandparents' estate. Julian had already flown in from the UK with my aunt’s family.

  While the rest of the family reconnected, I actively isoted myself. I spent my mornings sitting in complete silence on a boat with my grandpa, fishing on the gssy surface of Str?dam Lake. In the afternoons, while Julian and my parents toured the city, I locked myself in the backyard, doing hundreds of push-ups and sit-ups until my muscles failed.

  The only thing tethering me to Chicago was my phone.

  Because of the brutal time zone difference, I usually found myself wide awake at 3:00 AM, texting Jessica while she was having lunch back home. The conversations were fragmented and deyed. I hated it. I didn't care about the European scenery or the family dinners. The harsh truth was that summer break was completely miserable without her.

  *

  September 2010. Senior Year.

  Walking through the high school doors on the first day felt like stepping onto an alien pnet. Everyone had changed over the summer. Guys had hit growth spurts and bulked up. Girls were showing off their tans. The fashion had shifted, and every "cool kid" in the hallway was practically shoving their brand-new, gss-backed iPhone 4s into each other's faces.

  I navigated the crowded hallway, feeling like a ghost, until a familiar voice cut through the noise.

  "Daeron!"

  I stopped and turned. Jessica was jogging toward me. My brain glitched for a second. Her signature, fiery red hair—the hair that used to fall all the way down to the middle of her back—had been aggressively chopped off to her shoulders.

  "Whoa. Jessica. New look?"

  "It’s cool, right?" She stopped in front of me, grabbing the ends of her shortened hair and showing it off with a bright smile.

  "Yeah, it suits you," I said honestly, though my eyes narrowed slightly. "I just didn’t expect you to ever cut it. You always bragged about how much you loved having long hair."

  "Yeah, well... I just wanted to try a completely new style," she said. Her smile held for a second, but I saw the slight tremor in her voice. Her eyes looked exhausted.

  I frowned, crossing my arms. "You don’t actually like it, do you?"

  "Hey! Stop criticizing my style, sheesh!" she snapped defensively, taking a step back.

  "Alright, alright. I'm not criticizing," I surrendered, holding my hands up. "Let’s go buy a soda. You can tell me all about your summer adventure."

  We retreated to our secluded spot in the courtyard. As we talked, she casually dropped a bomb on me: she and her cheerleader friends had ended up joining Tyson, Alvin, and Jones on their summer road trip to the ke.

  I kept my face perfectly neutral, but a heavy, bitter jealousy twisted in my gut. While I was isoting myself on another continent, she was spending her summer ughing and hanging out with my friends.