I am Elsbeth, a wholly wretched woman, undeserving of mercy or salvation.

  My father and mother rose from poverty by the strength of their wills and ingenuity. They were seen by the former lord, and I was seen by his son.

  I was wed, and my family was guaranteed prosperity.

  I did as a wife should do and prepared to be a mother.

  However, life was not so simple. Filled with so many pushes and pulls, I fell.

  My child did not have an opportunity to see this world, and his mother’s lustful nature was at fault.

  I am Elsbeth, a wholly wretched woman, undeserving of mercy or salvation.

  The eyes that fell on me were ones that knew of my folly. I should have stayed beneath their punishing gaze, but I was weak. I needed a reprieve. And so, I headed out into the world, to begin to make amends for the damage I wrought.

  The Sisters who helped me—I could see the pity in their eyes. They never said it, but I knew they were cognizant of the punishment that I endured and still endure. Those kind Sisters—I thank them every day for letting me assist them, but their gazes were too much to endure, too.

  But there was one person in my memories…

  Timmie…

  When we were children, he would always walk along, doing as he wished, with little care for what others thought. He didn’t even care if a lonely little girl followed him. He never told me to stay or to leave.

  If there were one person who would never care about what I was, it would be him. He would barely look at me, but he would let me be. I could stay near him, and know that I would never be judged, scorned, or pitied. He just didn’t have those sorts of thoughts.

  And so I decided to see him one day. I had found out where he lived and visited during his shop’s hours.

  But the person I saw was not the one I remembered.

  “Lady Elsbeth…”

  When he muttered my name and looked at me with those eyes, I felt as if warm waters had washed over me.

  It was so cruel, being looked at by those eyes—those bright eyes with sheer delight within them. I was undeserving of them. Why should I be looked at with such kindness? And from Timmie of all people?

  He was supposed to be a neutral force in my life… not this.

  Even so, I found myself returning to see him. I wanted to bathe in that gaze, and for a moment, forget my life.

  And then, things progressed. He told me such bold things, and such sweet things. And the moment he told me he would rescue me from…

  The moment he told me that he would do something so sweet, I became the loose, wretched, lustful woman I was always berated for being once again.

  “Take me!” is what I decred, and I meant it with every fiber of my wretched soul.

  Sister Anvey warned me of Timmie, but it was me. I was the one who was pying with fire, foolishly coming closer until I knew my lust would be too much. Foolishly walking closer to him until my lust built to the point that I could excuse my actions.

  “Elsbeth is just a loose whore of a woman, of course she would betray all for her own pleasure.”

  It was my nature.

  I mounted this young man as soon as I had the opportunity and found the thing that would give us both a momentary escape from these dreadful circumstances. With the eyes of a harlot, I took him into me and escaped into a nd of bliss, fully intending to earn his forgiveness by using my body.

  He wouldn’t begrudge me. They wouldn’t begrudge me. I wouldn’t begrudge.

  Poor little Elsbeth was just a whore driven mad by her lust.

  I had simply given in to my nature. It would be as natural as the rising sun. I would find a way to live with my horrid self—

  “You’re beautiful.”

  I looked down at the man below me.

  His hand reached out for me and so warmly held my cheek. “Hey, you’re beautiful,” he said.

  My eyes watered. Tears fell onto his chest within moments.

  “You know that, right? You’re a splendid, beautiful woman, Elsbeth.”

  I made a single movement, and my body betrayed me. I screamed and gasped over his body as my fingers dug deeper into his shoulders.

  “Oh, Timmie!”

  I am Elsbeth, a wholly starved and loose woman, who experiences the greatest pleasure from something as simple as a kind sentiment.

  “Timmie! Just a little more, Timmie! I promise… I promise I’ll let you go. I just want a little more!”

  I just wanted to escape for a little longer. I just wanted Timmie to act as the vehicle for my escape a little longer. And then, he could do as he wished and rebuke me for so grossly ramming my unwelcome posterior into his innocent body in the service of carnal pleasure.

  But then I felt the warmth of his grip on my lower back. Why was he looking at me with such eyes? Did he know that if he looked at me like that—

  “Timmie—oh my goodness, Timmie!”

  —that I would twist above him, driven mad by the pleasure of this escape.

  “I can handle it, Elsbeth.”

  His words drew my eyes, though my mouth could not respond, my throat too occupied with gasps and moans.

  I need to—I should y myself bare in totality as penance! A whore can only pay with her body—

  “I’ll give you all the time I had,” he said, with eyes full of kindness.

  I let out a beast’s growl and reached behind myself. I pulled up my skirt with one hand and used my other hand to pull his hand further down.

  Grip me there, Timmie! Squeeze that fat, bare and rge posterior. Save me—

  I covered my mouth. The warmth was like salvation, even when it spread through such a perverse pce.

  It was too much. It made me crave more.

  Overwrite more… Make me forget the punishment I endure…

  I looked at him and he smiled back at me. Those eyes—I didn’t want to release them yet. I wanted them for as long as I could have them.

  “Keep looking at me,” I demanded of him.

  I unfastened my dress and pulled it down for his pleasure.

  “Keep looking at me,” I pleaded.

  “I won’t take my eyes away from you.”

  Ugh. Again, such kind words reverberated through my entire being. The reverberations were of such power that he saw them. I prayed they would entice him to stay with me longer.

  “What do you want, Timmie? Do you want my breasts? Do you want my lips? I’ll let you have anything as long as you keep having me.”

  He reached for my perverse mounds. “Give me your breasts,” he demanded.

  “Of course, Master Timaues,” I replied, losing myself in the intoxicating strength of his grip.

  I lowered myself onto him, drowned him with my breasts, and intensified the sounds running wild from my throat—anything to keep his attention.

  “Just like this—thank you, Timmie; I swear we can stop soon!”

  His hands—they gripped me by the waist and tightened.

  “Your grip is so strong!”

  Oh, what a wretch I was, losing myself over this man’s body, repeatedly betrayed by my own with a single bit of force.

  “Tighter! Lower!” I screamed, seeking penance.

  His grip tightened and my movement intensified for him.

  “Tighter!” I screamed, seeking the cleansing power of pain.

  His grip tightened again.

  “Timmie!” I cried, seeking answers I could not understand. “You’re not hurting me.”

  His eyes were in front of mine before I could notice.

  “Of course not, Elsbeth. I’m not here to hurt you. All I want is to save you.”

  No, this isn’t fair. Why is he being so kind?

  “And if I get a chance to love you as a consequence of that…”

  Why was I looking at him? Why was I hoping that he would keep saying something kind? Why did I want to hear it come from his lips?

  “I would be the luckiest guy alive.”

  I could do nothing but bury my face next to his and call his name as he made love to me.

  I finally sobbed. “Timmie… I’m so miserable.”

  He shed a tear for my sake.

  With his kind gaze, he took my head between his hands and kissed me, and for just a single moment, I forgot everything that had taken chunks of my heart away.

  “Let me love you for just a little longer,” was the first thing he said when our lips parted.

  I nodded like the easy woman I was. “Take me, Timmie,” I pleaded, unable to complete the sentence.

  He moved more, and my body reacted, moving with wildly disordered, vaguely directed by the pleasure he was giving me. A woman uncontrolble, I buried my face next to his, and let my screams out into the pillow.

  I became Timmie’s woman for longer than I thought he would want to have me. This wretched woman, with this wretched body—for a while longer than she thought possible, gave pleasure to someone who was worthy of it.

  “Elsbeth, is it okay? Can I?”

  Ahh—a chance so splendid. A silent rebellion.

  “Go ahead, just as you’re doing.”

  They would never know.

  “Elsbeth!”

  They would never know that wretched Elsbeth received someone else’s love so wholeheartedly.

  I moaned into his neck as his strength became more evident. I would not run. I was a sve to his love in this moment—he deserved such attention, for all the hours he bathed me with his gaze.

  He released me.

  Panting, I tried to get off and release him from my confines, but his hands were on my back, drawing me to his eyes.

  “You don’t have to go yet, Elsbeth.”

  “Really?”

  “Rest on me for a second. Let me keep you away for just a little longer.”

  I am Elsbeth, a wholly wretched woman, who is unable to stop herself from staining his chest with thoughtless tears.

  Spoiler

  [colpse]Sebas_Guzman