PART THREE e - Therapy

  I paused before going on.

  "So… can I ask about your… probably complicated and convoluted set of rules?"

  "I'll tell you anything. Sure."

  "When you were describing the little girl, that had no business being in direct combat overseas. Acting like a spoiled brat. Girl power. Some… pencil pushing pussy, probably just like me and my coach's athletic director, just in a uniform… made a decision. Girls can pull a trigger. Girl power… and, the spoiled girl power brat was running around acting like a slut, pying super soldier… I mean, she thought she was in some… action movie you watch when its your turn to pick the DVD, right?"

  His face took a sour turn.

  "Yeah. You understand that all… damn near perfect."

  "All right. I'm pretty sure, I picked up on something. And… you don't have to tell me, but."

  "Go on. If you don't like the answer? You asked the question. On you. And… I'm prepared to have you… look at me funny. But if you want to ask stuff like that. Fine. Just know the rules of this new game. That's all. You wanna py the adult version of truth and dare? Its fine."

  "All truth, no dares."

  "Yeah. Still wanna py?"

  "I might as well. I came this far in the boys club. I got my own boy card and everything, you know."

  "Go on."

  "That girly girl. There was… I could see it on your face. If you could go back in time, be there, and make things right. What would it py like."

  "Being charitable?"

  "No. Justice, not charity. Truth."

  He paused.

  "She needed to die. Someone there, should have looked around. Said fuck it, I'll do her. She don't need to see it coming, not like that. But… when she's not looking. When she don't know it's coming. Quick, painless. She needed put down. You grew up on a farm. You don't scare the sick horse. I'm sure you give him a nice tasty carrot, and the best sugar cubes god put on this earth. But, when the horse can't get up, and its winter… you just make sure he don't see it coming. Right?"

  "Yeah. Its not the fun side of the farm. But, yeah."

  "Like that. Someone needed to step up. And they wouldn't, or couldn't. So? A lot of really good men died."

  "If… you were there. You would have let them do it."

  He paused.

  "I'd have made a few jokes, and given them the idea, if that's what it took. Or yeah. I'd have put the horse down. Your dad put the cow down, until you could do it, right?"

  "Yeah. He did."

  "So there you go. You gonna look at me funny for a few days? Wondering when I'm going to turn on you? I won't. But… you gonna ask why, that's how it needed to be? I'm not the… macho jerk. That smacks girls around, to feel like a big man. So, that's not it."

  "Go on. I asked."

  "Men and women. They're not equal. I know it. You know it. I love you, and you freely admit it. You py the boys soccer team. For practice. Coach does it, so you girls get knocked around by men half your size, you get used to it. Then? You can knock the girls around, cause you're used to it. Coach knows the truth, just like you know it. On average, men. Sure, You can mismatch a special girl, and a special guy to make it not be like that. But…"

  "No. I know it."

  "All right. Some men? Are not strong, or they are but they have no honor. They backhand women, because they can. They do it to children, they kick dogs and cats. When there's no reason to. They enjoy it, they get other guys encouraged to do it. They'll do it to smaller men, who don't deserve it. I make fun of them, to their face. If they keep it up? I'll show that bigger man than I am? What its like to get smacked around. And I'll let people watch. I don't… get that sense of power those men get? But I'll do it. There's other kinds of men though."

  "Go on."

  "Men have a natural, inborn… we're wired up. To protect women and children. Its our impulse. Its how we survived as a species. Smaller, or weaker men? Have this… fantasy. Wow. If I can py the hero, save her? She has to like me. She'll love me. Why, I'll get sex! I'll be that guy! And, they'll run right up, and py white knight. When a cunt like phone bitch, gets introduced to that pimple faced wrestler's back of his hand, and splits her lip open one day? I won't white knight for phone cunt. I ugh, and tell him to do it again, and get his hip into it. Walk right the fuck away. Not only didn't I see anything? I'll lie in court to save him. No, she came at him with a fork! I swear!"

  I said nothing.

  "When a woman sps me? I don't sp her back. But… there are men that can and will. If phone cunt, sps pimple wrestler? And she gets a fat lip. I just shake my head and ugh. Now. If some spoiled bitch bad boy, gets off on spping women around? I think you know that I'm the kind of guy, that will… cultivate a reason, to show him what its like. To get smacked around, just because. Fun game, right? I'll show you how fun it is. Do you see the difference between these situations?"

  "Yeah. Phone cunt deserves it. The… battered woman? Doesn't."

  "This… girl power stuff. I actually like it. You know I really do. I love female athletes. But… these mouthy little girly girls, running around showing off, how they can sp a guy and get away with it. When some guy finally sps her back, after she ughs at him spping him ten times, showing off drunk at the bar? When she gets spped back, or even punched like a man? She deserved it. The white knights, the weak men with that… fantasy… watch a girl spping a guy, getting away with it, abusing being a girl… then those weak men want to rush in, the one time the guy finally sps her back? I'll save him, from them."

  I said nothing. He prompted me.

  "Do you get it? Or…"

  "No, I get it. Or, I think I do. You're fair."

  "I try to be. I started out life? As a weak little boy. My body was not weak, but I was. When I found my confidence, and could use my strength. I was much happier. I never once misused that. I never once, ever picked on smaller, weaker men. I never once hit a girl. But those situations. Where some girl is spping a guy, ughing. Abusing the never hit a girl rule. If a guy wants to? Feel free."

  I stayed quiet. When they open up, let them go. They do your work for you.

  "Now. Girl power. I think its wonderful. I think women should be allowed to go to school. Get degrees. Have careers. Be taught to py sports, from a young kid. Just like boys. Its wonderful. Its where big strong girls come from. And when big strong boys, mate with big strong girls? You get even bigger and stronger boys and girls. Its the best thing ever. But…"

  I waited.

  "Feminism? Has gone too far. Girls? Are being given, not earning, given. Jobs they're in no way qualified for. Over men. Women are getting free college educations, who have no business being in college. My tax dolrs? Support idiots with tits, getting… useless degrees. To work useless jobs. While some guy there, pulls all the weight. Because girl power. Not happy? They're pushing it even more."

  Not a word out of me.

  "Now. Girly girls have gone over the top, and come for society with bayonets affixed. And I've noticed, men are all noticing. Women want equal pay for equal work. Well, they're crowding all the nice jobs. They want office jobs. Nursing. Lawyer. Doctor. Crowding better qualified men out of those positions. And? These girly girls have the balls, to get on the internet, and demand things. Like the six six six rule. No man under six foot tall is acceptable. No man without six inches of cock is worth the trouble. No man, without at least 100,000 a year to spend on her? Is worth her time to date."

  Silence is golden.

  "All the while? They're sucking up all the free tax money, to get college degrees in… women's studies. Dance therapy. Basket weaving. Getting hired over men, to get jobs that many of them? Are not qualified for. Or better yet, are just made up make work jobs. For brownie points. So yeah. That's the reality of the situation. That's? How men are starting to talk openly about it. Fight back on the internet. Boy power. Now… this all started, with that girl in combat. Now that we all know what the score is? Lets return to her, shall we."

  "This is getting good."

  "Yeah. Look. Women can't on average do as many push ups and pull ups as men. No big deal. So yeah, when we're in basic training? Sure. The girls get to do less, and still pass. Whatever. Now, most girls can't hump the 80 pound pack. So? The really big guys, have to take turns humping two packs, that's up to 160 pounds, on that ten mile forced march, mind you. While they walk, on a nice summer walk. In 105 degree heat. Its fucking brutal."

  "You guys hate that."

  "We don't like it. Some of us grumble, but we do it. Some of us use it to show off. Hey, I can carry two. I pyed football. But… its fine. Do you know which girls we respect?"

  "I know this one. A girl like me, that can carry her own hay bale."

  "Oh. You do that? We'll fucking buy you drinks, we'll put our arm around you, and show you off. This? Is how it should be. Open arms. And no one sps you on the ass, or the football pyer sticks up for you. You know who else we respect?"

  "Tell me."

  "Even the little girls. The ones that are determined, to carry that pack as far as they can. If you can do it for just one mile, and we have to do the rest of the nine miles left? That's enough. If you can't do it but ten steps, but you try… and feel bad when you wish you could? That's enough. We do it, and smile. All those girls? They get almost as much respect, as the girl like you, that carries her own hay bales. Now… we come around to the girls we have no respect for."

  Silence is more than golden.

  "The girls that giggle, and toss that pack on the nearest big guy. Here you go! Ayah, mule! Giddy up!"

  "Aw, man…"

  "Girls like you, that can? Just ugh and enjoy the free ride. They teach the other girls, that are trying to do one mile, before walking free the st nine miles… fuck that, honey. Use them, that's what a mule is for…"

  "Oh, shit… what happens to those girls."

  "Nothing. We get court martial-ed, if we so much as say a peep. But… we have one weapon. She gets the green wall."

  "What's that… sounds… ominous."

  "We smile. We nod. We are oh so polite. But nothing else. A guy offers her a ride into town? We tell him, she's green walled. He risks getting green walled too. She gets nothing. No respect. No help of any kind, unless someone makes us."

  "Can she get out of… green walled. There a path back?"

  "Yeah. There's girls there, like you. Telling her, look. Quit making me look bad. Just carry it, ten steps. Try. Some girls, even try to make fun of her. You know… hey guys? Let me see if I can go just a little bit, with a second pack… they don't make it far? But, they're trying to make fun of her. That? Is a green queen."

  "Green queen…"

  "Honorary man. She's one of the guys. You smack one of those on the ass? Someone will straight y you out. The green walled girls, make fun of green queens. And girls that are trying. Total spoiled cunts. They know they're special, just for being girls, and take full advantage. Now… wanna guess which girls are the turbo-sluts every night?"

  "I bet it ain't the green queens."

  "Usually not. But… if they want to fuck around? No one says shit. Guys want id, and she's one of the guys. But they usually don't. If they do date, they usually do it out of their work circle. To keep things from getting weird. No… its always those spoiled cunts. They go turbo-slut at the drop of a hat. Hey, work time. You, carry my pack. Ayah, mule! Oh, work day ended. Hey, wanna blowjob? Buy me dinner, buy me presents."

  "There's a lot of those… spoiled green walled cunts. Huh."

  "Tons. Now. Women used to be nurses. Office clerks. Then? They wanted to have more jobs, but, were not allowed in combat roles. Then? A real green queen? Case by case basis. But then… oh. No, girly girls just had to get everything. They forced the issue, and made infantry take all the girls. Not just green queens. Not just girls that would try to do ten steps. They made them take green walled spoiled cunts. Which is what that girl was."

  "No. I see it."

  "There's more. Combat? Carries special rules. Ones not in the rule book. When push comes to shove. If you can't do it? Everyone knows who can do it. The guys that can't… keep your head down. Reload clips for the guys that can. Bring water. Bring food. Trade out your cold rifle, for his over heated one. Cycle them around, to cool off. You don't get made fun of. Someone has to do it."

  "Figured you make fun of those guys."

  "No. There's another thing. Most people piss their pants, the first time they're under fire."

  "They get bought a pack of diapers, when its all over?"

  "No. Guy that's standing up, returning fire? Says no big deal. My first time? I shit my pants. You're doing good."

  "Wow."

  "Yeah. Special rules. And if you're trying, but you can't hit anything? Hey. You're wasting ammo, you're heating up a barrel for nothing. Just reload for me. Switch my rifle out. Its okay, just help out, and keep your head down."

  "Wow."

  "Yeah. And when its over? You go into town or you get home? You don't make fun of those guys. He sits at the bar with you, when he comes to visit. Hey. This is my battle buddy. He was in the shit with me. Show some respect."

  "I would of thought…"

  "You would of thought wrong. That guy that reloaded for you? Didn't run. He has ten times bigger balls than that asshole down the bar, talking like a big man, that don't know shit."

  "So… that girl…"

  "All she had to do? Was keep her head down. Help out. She couldn't even do that. All right, just keep your head down, and be useless. Can you handle that much? No. She cried and wouldn't move. When the order came to fall back? She stayed there. Nine or more men, got killed, trying to go up and get her, and bring her back to cover. Then? To make pencil pushers happy, I guess… someone had the balls to pin a medal on her. Wow. Guys got wiped out, and you made it. And you're a girl! Way to go. Girl power."

  "Oh god. I'm going to throw up."

  "And that's the story behind Army boy's best friend, that deployed and never came back. And the hero girl, that made it back they pinned a medal on. And he had to watch this girl acting like a big shot, showing off how cool she is. Recruiting more girly girls, hey, you can do it too. And his dead friend's wife? Is sitting ten seats away, watching all this. Videos going around of everyone having fun with the wife, while he was dying. Bitch got a new husband, and somehow got over her big loss."

  "Who does he hate more, the girly girl, or… the wife?"

  "Hard to say. But when he looks around him, and sees what most of the girls are really like? Using men for show boyfriends. Getting cash and prizes and dinners. Then putting out for everyone else but him… all while taking full advantage of the system. Free college for not even pying sports, not for academic schorship. Simply because we need more women in college. Girl power. And, you're taking his tax dolrs, and making it go for that. It makes me wanna puke."

  "Wow. And, you still…"

  "Yeah. I navigated that complicated moral minefield. You notice, I never said a word. I wait until I know, not when I think. I watched it all py out. That night, I had just learned the first taste, of what our Little Lightning really went through. And, earlier I had just learned that she's not a dippy girl. Actually bright and sensitive and can be deep. She's not running around, being a turbo-slut. She's… needing physical companionship. Still not enough. That's my good friend."

  "You were still not…"

  "No. Just because she's your friend, I'm not a white knight just because she lives with you. Also, he was my good friend for two years ahead of her. Bros before hoes. But? I just learned what had happened to her. I had just learned she's… smart and deep. What her… immature girl thing is, and more importantly what it isn't. But, he dumped her."

  "Oh."

  "Then? I acted. You dumped her. Fair game. My girlfriend now."

  "And… some of them had…"

  "Yep. My ass leaves the seat? They'll plop right down in it, and take what I was working on."

  "Before me. You… really liked a couple of girls. Coffee girl, you mentioned her. One of them… took your seat at lunch and worked it."

  "Yep."

  "The computer girl. The one at the gym. One of them went to the gym early, and…"

  "Yep again."

  "You… never said a word. You could have."

  "Yeah."

  "But… why?"

  "Bros before hoes."

  "You… could have…"

  "I could have what?"

  "You… could have said. Hey, you're in my seat. That's my coffee lunch. It would have floated."

  "Could have. But, the coffee girl? When a guy came along, and took my seat. She let him do it. As much as I liked her, I lost all respect for what I thought I’d found. She didn't really like a nice guy. She was just slumming it with me, until a man came along and would… see if he could get away with it."

  "So… you let bros before hoes, float. You… let her go, just like that. For…"

  "She's not worth my time. Shook his hand."

  "Computer girl…"

  "Liked her more. Not all the girls I like, are tall and strong. She's… normal sized. A little… goofy. Quirky. Says the wrong thing sometimes. Its cute. I like a… geeky girl. She liked me, for…"

  "Being a spastic geek. For not being a jock."

  "Yeah."

  "You were hurt."

  "I was. But once again. She was just saying it. Soon as she got her first chance. To trade up. You know, to a… real man?"

  "One that figured he could get there early. Move right in. Just like… his friend did… on coffee girl… he knew he could get away with it. It would fly."

  "She had no problem with it. Oh, she was nicer about it. Made that little effort, to jump up and see if I was okay about it. I told her no, it was fine. Enjoy. We're all friends."

  "You just walked away."

  "Not a second gnce back. Not worth the effort. What do I gain, if I get her back, by ciming my seat. Nothing. I just put the inevitable off. I kick the can down the road. Rather know up front."

  I sat there somewhat stunned.

  "So… for the first two years… you were concentrating on…"

  "What. Geeky girls, I guess you'd say. See, coffee girl? A little new age. Not so much a geek, as… just different. That crowd, the girls cim they like guys that aren't… you know. Money, car, muscles, loud mouth. They date guys that aren't like that. I was… cultivating her. For a while. I really liked my… coffee lunches. It was very sweet. She was always talking about, hard to find a nice guy."

  "You liked her. For a while."

  "I did."

  "Then… you brought your Army buddies in, and pointed at the… quirky coffee girl you liked. That's the one. I think she's special."

  "Yep."

  "And… how long did it take."

  "About… two weeks."

  "And… computer girl."

  "Couple weeks, once I started bringing her to the gym. Oh, she liked me for being a spastic geek, trust me. The computer club? We compete with our brains, not our biceps. I was winning, for that. But… she was making comments about what was under my shirt. Wanted me to take her to the gym… so? I did."

  "Which was like pointing out coffee girl."

  "My best buddies? So predictable like that."

  "And… they were in the service. They like nice girls."

  "Mm hmm."

  "Holy shit. You're… not only not mad when one of them, sits in your seat… they think they're getting away with something. With the fighting coach, because they know him, they can get away with it. As long as they're very nice and polite about it…"

  "Yep."

  "And… they think, they're… poaching the nice girls, that you cultivate. And that they can, and that you're too nice to say something. In fact, they're always telling you…"

  "Standard guy advice. Quit being too nice, show her who wears the pants, be the man… all that. Uh huh."

  "And… holy goddamn horse shit…"

  "Aha. She's starting to get it."

  "You're buddies. Think they're getting away with murder."

  "Oh. Coffee boy? You should have seen the look on his face. I wasn't supposed to be there that time of day. The look she had on her face, too? Fucking priceless. Oops. Hey, you guys look good together. Have fun. Bye!"

  "Then, you brought it up at boys club…"

  "Yep. Seems its just fine to do that. Great. I'm on board."

  "So… coffee boy, pretty much told computer guy…"

  "Oh. Sure he did. Or, he saw already it could be done. Same thing. See, I didn't just show up 5 minutes early. More like, two hours early."

  "You… you're… you got them all thinking, that they're getting away with murder. Using bros before hoes, to cover over poaching girls…"

  "When I am, in fact… doing what."

  "You… use them…"

  "Well. I wouldn't say I exactly use my buddies, like that. I prefer to think of it, as, I'm allowing them to make themselves more useful to me. And hey, am I not my brother's keeper? The nice girls I was cultivating. Enjoy. They even enjoy them more, because they think… they're being the man. Everyone wins. Everyone's happy."

  "And… the whole time… they think they're getting one up on you here, one up on you there. But, in reality…"

  "They're really just doing my work for me. Letting me see up front, what I have to look forward to, down the road somewhere. I'd rather beat off, than stick my dick in a lying, untrustworthy cunt. What. You think I didn't learn my lesson in high school? Think again. I'm not gonna be some show husband, while the girl runs around with… whatever the fuck it is they run around with. Sooner beat off."

  "And, you did learn your lesson. You turned into…"

  "Yeah. You're seeing Rome. Rome wasn't built in a day. When I ended up the… I didn't like that any better. I mean, its a little better? But, not by much. Retionship? No respect, no sex. Or… sex? But no retionship. I want both. I won’t settle, for half. Sooner beat off."

  "Why me? I really wasn't any better. I mean… I was just like coffee girl. Computer girl. I liked you more, when I…"

  "Yeah. You can't help it. But? You were ashamed of it. You begged me to forgive you for it. And you were looking at me all along. You… humped the heavy pack, as long as you could. I was impressed."

  "You… are something else."

  "You won't let some guy sit next to you. When we met at the party? I watched you. Shove guys away that stand too close. That seat's taken. I was impressed. Most girls? They might not take them up on it, but they smile. When guys try to stand close. Show they can do it. Or, they say something sly. Like… you got ten seconds before my boyfriend gets back. You better be gone by then. But, that shows they like it. You? You just shove. I was impressed."

  "Thought you just liked my boobs…"

  "Those too. And you were so different. You grab my hand, lead me through the crowd, introduce me to people. I'm fine with it. You crossed off my checklist, handed it back to me, and said sign it. Here's your next appointment card."

  "Yeah. Smacked you on your ass, too."

  "All good. I knew I was looking for something out of the ordinary. Something different. Found it."