PART THREE e – The Deal

  There's two sets of personality collection systems. The one, is alpha, beta, etc etc. The other, has 4 letter acronyms to bel them. There's four criteria, and either of two letters to indicate. You choose basically left or right for each letter, and just line those 4 letters up. For example? Introverted or extroverted. So, that spot gets an I or an E. This creates a nomencture, that every personality fits into one of them. Another is a T or an F. Representing thinking or feeling.

  His, for instance? He's an INTJ. One of the rarest if not the rarest, personality types. Thinkers, not feelers. Introverted everything, not extroverted or coming in from without. They're quite content to be quiet in a group setting. They look and study everything. Intently. They're well known for what is called the INTJ stare. To them, of course you look at the thing you're looking at, gee whiz. To other personality types? Which is almost everyone else, by the way… it comes across as a cold, dispassionate stare. Same as anyone looking intently at some bug. Because that's what INTJ's do. Stay out of everything, sit back, and study everything. Figuring out the system and over analyzing simply everything. No detail is to be considered too small to worry about. It might matter. No big picture can be ignored. All the little details, will when correctly analyzed? Corroborate the big picture going on. They study the system, any system, from top to bottom. From inside out, and from all possible angles. By default, they're automatically all intellectuals.

  These guys end up crowding high tech fields, and all the engineering disciplines. Really any field that requires specialized expert knowledge that is not easily acquired and even then takes a long time? They're in. They're down for it. These are the pnners. The longer it takes to get there? The happier they are to put that work in to get there. Then, they smile and they're contented. Because this is how they rate and assign value to themselves? Naturally, they judge everyone else by the same metrics. That's another letter. Judgmental or nonjudgmental. They judge. Touch-y feel-y people? Are sneered at internally. They're the lightweights. These people are the heavyweights in their STEM fields. They do the heavy lifting. When you see a notebook full of complicated equations, when you see those big, complicated blueprints and schematics… there's always an INTJ or an ENTJ close by handling that.

  The introverted and inward INTJs, let the ENTJs, the extroverts, deal with outsiders. The ENTJs smile and nod approvingly at all the INTJs they work with. Work your magic, friend. I got this. I can deal with all those lightweights, even though I hate them too. With bosses and outsiders squared away? The -NTJ's go back to work. Dealing with the details and the big pn. When dealing with the outside world? The ENTJs take the lead roles. When back to their own little world, alone again? The INTJs assume the reins. Neither one is jealous or thinks the other type is a lesser being. You'll typically find for such a STEM team, mostly INTJ's and one or more ENTJs. When the suits and big bosses have one engineer coming into the board room to expin in yman's terms, what's going on? ENTJ, every time. Reporting on the teams progress? Always an ENTJ.

  To the outside world? The ENTJs will tend to be team leaders, for this reason. They seem like they're more successful, or doing better, or know more. Not so. They just understand the outside world, and can speak the yman's lightweight nguage. To the outside world, they're easier to deal with. The ENTJ? Is the one remora, running with a small pack of sharks.

  What's weird to the outside world, is what success means. To most of the world? More money and higher position, is more success. Not so to these -NTJs. Ability, is the biggest asset. Intellectual ability. INTJs, will routinely choose jobs and teams and projects, not based on money and position, but on how difficult and exclusive its considered. Success is measured by how few people can do it well. And, if you're the only one who can do it? Well, then you're the best. Owning the company, is no great feat to these guys. Not unless you're one of the exclusive heavyweight intellectuals? That invented it or improved and perfected it.

  If an unwise intellectual lightweight owner or boss insists on micromanaging things he doesn't understand, he risks the best INTJs packing their shit and leaving for greener pastures. They're happier somewhere else, for less money. Working on a bigger and cooler and more impressive project. You lure these guys to your company? By promising them new, impressive projects that everyone thinks can't be accomplished. You retain them, by backing off, and just politely dealing with the ENTJ who can report to the board. Scientists and engineers, who make really good money, but not the millions the salesmen and big bosses and owners make. Without these INTJs and their view of success? You don't have internet, cell phones, ptops and high tech gadgetry. If they all disappeared overnight? We go back in time to caveman status again.

  Its disconcerting. INTJs routinely shut off all emotion naturally, to look at everything from an intellectual standpoint.

  Knowing all this? Still doesn't make me like that cold once over stare.

  "I asked, I meant it. Why didn't you py on the intramural team, to fill the gap."

  "Well. If I'm allowed to expin? I will. My parents made me py every sport in pee wee. Good at it or not. Every sport, one by one this happens. You hit a league? Where they come right out and tell you. You? Will never py. We're past the point, that every kid gets to py. They're not shy about it. Its about winning now? And we're not losing games, putting someone that ain't no good in. If you want me to tell your parents this? I will. The coaches do this."

  I didn't say anything. It does come down to that.

  "When I started asking about the… intramural soccer team, from my town? To fill the gap."

  "Yeah…"

  He was quiet. Factual. Like an MP telling you the truth, politely and quietly.

  "You had to get this… piece of paper. To fill out, and pay a fee and join. Nobody would take it to a copier and give me a copy to fill out."

  "Well. Where did the other kids get that paper from?"

  He smiled again.

  "Gee. There you go again. Asking me things, that if I knew? I would have went and got the piece of paper. I don't know where the magic sheet of paper comes from. And none of the kids would give me one. Or tell me. Obviously? The paper, is only for the cool kids."

  "So… you took that as a sign…"

  He smiled and chuckled.

  "Well. Did it seem like a good omen, for great things to come, with me in the soccer sports world?"

  "Hmm. Question."

  "Yes."

  "Well, if you thought you were being… weeded out…"

  "And you admit, it sure seemed like it."

  "I'll grant you that. So, why do you py high school soccer a couple of years ter, then."

  "I'm running junior high track. I get recruited. Hey, you run track. You used to py soccer. We're low on pyers."

  "So, you made the team then."

  "Oh. We were a little shit school. We didn't have tryouts for soccer. If you wanna go out for soccer? You just go out. Only the football team had tryouts. Remember. We're technically double A? With only single A number of kids. Whole school's athletic program, is born to lose. Until they… re-did the A things. Years after I left? They did that once every 10 years count, and… my high school got into A, where it belonged all along."

  I was puzzled.

  "So. Follow my reasoning here. You were asked to py. Because… you ran track, and they knew you pyed back in the day. And I'm guessing they needed kids."

  "Doesn't mean I'm any good, does it?"

  "How long did you stick it out."

  "Eighth grade, you're allowed to py for the high school team. Kept it up, till almost 11th grade. Then? I quit. Went and did my own thing. Fuck team sports. See. It doesn't matter how good I am or not, doing stuff in practice. If I don't get to py, and when I'm put in, I just get screamed at for not knowing the cool kid secret knowledge? Fuck it."

  "So… what did you do?"

  "Ran track. Concentrated on my 10K runs I enjoyed anyways. Worked out on my own. I decided, for whatever reason? I can't py team sports. Now. Track? Running long distance. There's me, there's my time. End of story. I was always something of a loner anyways. I was never all that happy with team sports. The sport itself might be okay? But… dealing with all the other kids? And its sports, so… these are the cool kids."

  "Well… I'm around you here and now. You have all the basic skills, you should have been pying."

  "Like what?"

  "You have a nice, long aimed clearing shot. You're not a sprinter, like a great wing, but… you can definitely keep running forever. Yeah, fullback. You can pass okay, for a small high school. You're actually not that bad at pying keep away, one on one. I mean, I'm the high school coach? You should have been pying. At least some."

  He smiled, and ughed.

  "Welcome to my world. My whole childhood and young adulthood was like this. I do what everyone else does, what works for them? The harder I work, the harder I try… the worse things go. In a cssroom, on a computer keyboard. Its me? And I'm fine when its just me. You throw a team into the mix? Something happens, and I don't know what it is. You just give up eventually."

  I waited a bit.

  "When did this change. Because it did."

  He paused.

  "The MPs. I don't know what the hell happened. God I guess, finally looked down, and said. Okay. I'm done torturing you. You? Are allowed to do good now. Because up until that moment? It was mostly all torture. I got there? Everything went good."

  "You said you had a… mentor."

  "Yeah. I talked about it all with him."

  "What did he say about all this."

  "Honestly? The universe has a pce for everyone. You let the universe put you, where it wants you. Where and when it needs you. And when you're finally in the right pce, at the right time, doing the right thing? You'll just know it."

  "Is that all he said?"

  "No. We were sitting there. I'd told him about the… cool kids, secret information I wasn't allowed to have access to. He ughed. He whispered in my ear. Forget about it. You're one of the cool kids now. He asked me, if any secret information was being kept from me."

  "And?"

  He paused.

  "I told him no. It sure didn't seem like it. I asked him. What had been going on before. Why was it so different now. He said, and I quote. You finally let the universe put you where you needed to be."

  "And… how did that feel…"

  He smiled.

  "Like… some kid that grew up in the orphanage? Finally had a home. It was like being a part of a family, for the first time."

  "But… it was a team."

  "It was. But… instead of being the one loner on the team, and nothing going good? It was like some switch got flipped. Like god finally decided, I was now allowed to succeed. I quit asking questions at that point. I just… jumped in, and enjoyed it."

  "I'm a psych student. I like to analyze these things. Now, one day? Someone might bring me a kid. They only bring you a kid having problems. They almost never bring you a kid doing great. Why… do you think this was like it was."

  "Well. I think we both realize. The… secret information? I was supposed to have gotten it, pying on the traveling team for those couple years. Strategy, to go with the basic skills we'd been working on. That I seemed like I had, by the way."

  "Yeah. Go on."

  He paused. He looked off before responding. He talked now, while looking away. As if studying the horizon.

  "A team sport? Its a team. Now… there isn't a lot anyone can do. If the other kids don't like one of the kids. At some point? The parents won't be around. The teacher won't be around. And… that's the name of that tune. Nothing you can do about it. It didn't matter, if I was good enough to meet the minimum, to get to py on that traveling team, hun. The other kids? Obviously didn't want me there, and were going to have fun hiding that piece of paper. Fuck me over. Maybe the coach told them to do it, I wasn't good enough. Maybe? They just didn't like me, and did it on their own. In the end, it didn't matter. I was kept out for a couple years, when I would have gotten to learn the secret cool kids information."

  I paused again.

  "How long did… all this kind of stuff go on?"

  "Whole childhood. There was always something different about me. Things were always different for me. How do you think a loner, gets to become a loner? Do you think the kid wakes up one day, and says… hey. I'm going to be a loner. That seems like fun. Nope. It… just gets thrust on you."

  "But… it changed. Overnight, it seems like."

  "Yeah. It did. I was hoping my psych girlfriend could tell me why. Now here you are. Asking me. You want my take on it?"

  "Sure."

  "Don't know. All I know? Is overnight. Someone waved a magic wand. All of a sudden? Not only was I allowed on the team? The guys that pyed on that team, wouldn't take no for an answer. They just… took me out, and made me hang out with them. The one guy, that started it. He was in my apartment, with four of us living there. He was a… squad leader. Now, instead of being excluded from the team, I was being kind of forced onto the team."

  "What did the mentor say."

  "He said there's no asking why. It just is. I said… but this is an accident. I'm a computer guy. He said… yeah, obviously the universe decided a computer guy, should hang out with the MPs. I asked, but why. He said? How the hell can I tell you that. It just is."

  "So, you're life changed. Overnight."

  "Pretty much."

  "Did… your mentor give you any… answers?"

  "Not really answers. He gets you to ask the right questions, I think. He said, I was clearly meant to be a computer and books guy, that's obvious. For whatever reason? The universe wanted me to be a loner, and not fit in on teams. Why? Who knows, but that's what the universe wanted. Now? The universe wants you on this team, that much is obvious. Then, te in the game? We decided maybe I was supposed to go back and go to college after all. Here I am."

  "What's your… purpose in all this. He give you that?"

  He chuckled.

  "That part's pretty basic. Always, try to put out good karma. And… just try to let the universe put you where it wants you."

  "Well, how do you know… when you're there."

  He shrugged.

  "It just feels right. You don't have that… salmon swimming upstream feeling. I can tell you, that's what I felt my whole childhood. Like a salmon trying to swim upstream. Like it was gonna kill me to get there. That's what trying not to be a loner when I was young felt like. That's what… trying to force myself on a team, felt like."

  "Then the MPs happened…"

  "Yep. That feeling went away."

  "It started to come back, though…"

  "Near the end? Yeah. But, just a little bit."

  "Now you're here."

  He smiled, and nodded. Finally quit talking to the distant horizon, and looked back at me.

  "Yep. Hun? You were meant to py soccer. I mean, that much is clear to you, right?"

  "Uh. I guess. It gets me my degrees. Nice apartment while I do it."

  "Do you feel like a salmon swimming upstream? Or…"

  "I guess not."

  "Good for you. We're just kites on the wind. You? Were meant to be flown in a gentle breeze. Here you are. Me? I was meant to get the string broke in a storm, and blow around until the universe put the kite where it should have been. Which was with the MPs. Now I'm here. Now? I feel like I'm up, in a gentle breeze again. You feel like you're in the right pce, here and now?"

  "I guess. Sure."

  "Me too. I don't know what the purpose is? So don't ask me. If the universe has something for me, that its been preparing me to do? It will let me know. Right now, it seems to be here, going through college. Right now? You. All I know. It just is."

  "And you just accept it."

  "Sure. Look at my childhood, young adulthood. Then, compare it to the MPs. Night and day. The mentor was right. When you're where you're supposed to be, doing what you're supposed to be doing? You just know it. It feels right. It almost decides itself, for you. Now I look at you. All those problems dating. Even had the… Latina success? Wasn't perfect. Retionship, no sex. Sex? But no retionship. Now, there's you. Once again? All advice, wasn't working. I just chucked all the rule books and advice, and… let the wind take me."

  "Okay…"

  "You? Climbed right up that tree, and tied a string onto me, and now you fly me. You're that little kid, that wanted that kite. Once again. Like a magic wand was waved, practically overnight? Third date. I'm your girlfriend now. Oh, by the way? We're going steady. No other girl is allowed to look at you. Oh hey, one more thing. You wanna go to grad school, right? Great, me too. I'll just tell you when its time to marry me. Don't worry about how to please me, I'll just tell you what I want, what I need. Hey. I ain't asking any questions. I can just tell. Like I said, it almost decides itself."

  Wow. He's telling me, that his life was all hell and chaos. Until the MPs got a hold of him. Now? He's here… and his personal life was in chaos, until I found him. Now? He's at peace. Now, he's happy. Now? He has that gentle breeze, lifting the kite feeling again. Things are perfect, just like when the MPs found him and took him in. He's telling me, he's in love, he feels loved, and he's perfectly happy. All jocks are streetwise. When things are going great? Shut up, smile, pretend like you meant for it to happen and take the win. When you got it right, its like the ball just puts itself in the net for you.

  Fuck it. I know when to just shut my mouth, and take the win. I held my hand out. He took it. And like he said, it felt right. Somewhere, there's a website. Probably telling guys… no. You take her hand. You don't let her offer you her hand. You turn that hand down, until you decide to put yours out, then she takes yours. Be the man, don't fuck that up. He didn't listen to that website. He just took my offered hand, and we were fine.

  I'm an athlete. To hell with how or why. Ball's in the net.