PART TWO g – The Townhouse

  "Then you went to the Air Force."

  "Yeah. Computer Programmer. In case you wondered? Not a lot of perks for that either. Same deal now, just in a uniform."

  "So… where did…"

  "Someone in housing, had a sense of humor. I was the only computer geek, housed with all the MPs. Military Police. These are the tough guys on a Chair Force base. They can hang out with Marines and Army guys, and don't get made fun of. They're one of them. When the Navy or the Marines, need an airbase guarded? They're the attack dogs that do it. The big football pyers back home? Were nothing on these guys. Trust me, the service? Is loaded with big football pyers. We're up to our ass in them. These MPs? Not only they ain't scared, they take these big guys out and down. All boxers, wrestlers, hand to hand combat guys. They practice it, for a job. Taking down big, strong, jacked up guys getting aggressive."

  "Aw. You fell in love…"

  "Funny. I was scared to death of these guys. Everyone knew, you don't fuck around with these boys. Marines knew to watch out for them at the bars, that should tell you something. When Airborne came around, they trained some csses at my airbase by the way, they were polite to these guys. I'm scared shit-less. My computer buddies at work? Won't come over my room a second time. They're scared. I'm like, how do you think I feel, I gotta live and eat mess, and do morning PT with these rabid attack dogs. I'm fucking terrified."

  I ughed. It was funny, and it was also refreshing. Hearing a guy that could so easily act tough? Didn't. He's telling the truth, how he used to be a shrinking violet. I found it… cute? And very honest. He wasn't ashamed of it, it was the truth, and he told it like it was. I'm used to guys bragging, and hiding any secrets that made them look bad. He told it for a joke. The healthy self deprecation? Refreshing… and cute.

  "This changed. I saw the video…"

  "These guys, quickly decided to kind of kidnap me. They busted in my room, picked me up, and carried me off."

  "Where to?"

  "They were going to make me go out and drink beer and shoot handguns with them, they had the run of the range at night. Work perk for them, what MP is gonna roust them from drinking beer, and shooting the cans, you know? Hell, we could go anywhere we wanted, any time of the day or night, any MP would smile and give us the key. We could go where we wanted. We wanted something? We went and the other MPs held the back door open, we carted off whatever we wanted. They… actually kidnapped me, and made me hang out with them."

  "What did you want to do?"

  "Sit in my room, and read my computer manuals. Duh."

  "Someone got used to this."

  "I did. They made me… almost one of them, really. The mascot. I always was lifting weights and jogging long distance, that was my thing from home, and…"

  "Oh. You were in shape, you had wind… they taught you to fight."

  "These crazy, scary guys? That even the tough guys around were wary of? I followed them anywhere they went. Especially the gym. I learned to box, and kick-box, but… not for a sport. How to do it just to win. Fast. Dirty. No wrestling for points. You do all the illegal moves, and choke them out, or put them in dangerous holds, and if they won't quit? You rip things apart that weren't meant to come apart on human beings. No rounds, no rules, no time limits. You just… fight. Its no holds barred, you win or you die, if its real life. Remember, these guys will find themselves one on one, with some big, drunk, aggressive football pyer. They need to be able to just walk up, rip him off his feet, and choke his big dumb ass out cold, to sp cuffs on them."

  "Christ. You weren't scared, to…"

  "At first. But. You practice it. You don't shred joints, you lock up and make them tap out. You get the choke on? They tap out. Its… fairly safe, once you're taught the safety rules. Its safe to practice."

  "So, you had four years of…"

  "Yeah. A year in, I was driving along in a car I borrowed. MP vehicle, I was going to pick up one of the guys getting off work after dark for them. Saw an MP I knew, chasing a guy and losing him. Fuck, that's my buddy. I drove around the block, and got ahead of this guy. I jumped him and got him down, long enough for the guy I knew, lived the next building over, to take him in."

  "I'm afraid to ask who you…"

  "Oh. That. A year before that? I'd have been scared to death of some big, muscur, loud Marine. I found out ter, he was drunk, tearing up a bar, hurt some guys. Got away from the MPs. Imagine my surprise, when they told me who I… uh… bagged and tagged for them."

  "Aw. You became the mascot."

  "Yeah. You have to understand. I grew up… well, the exact opposite of these guys. I wished for… let's say, one pound of something. These guys? Gave me a 50 pound sack of it. Before I left the service? I could walk in any bar, anywhere. Lot of people thought I was one of them. I used to freak my computer buddies out. I'd go into Marine bars, and they thought it was weird everyone was friendly. Most, uh, Chair Force guys? Don't exactly get that treatment."

  "They… gave you some great gift."

  "They did. Then, there was my fighting mentor I talked about. He was like a… finishing school for mixing it up. This is one of the guys that taught my MPs to fight better. You have your standard MP training guys, that's their job. To instruct. You also have the instructors for hand to hand combat csses. Then? There's very few advanced hand to hand combat instructors. And this guy? Was the head one of those. Probably one of the toughest guys on the biggest airbase in the country. They bring in tough guys from all four branches to train certain csses, at my airbase. Hand to hand, and advanced hand to hand? Among them. I mean, if a guy is going to be a basic hand to hand combat instructor for the Marines, back at his home base? He's here to learn his job. And this? Is the main instructor running that program."

  "So what did you do, for them? I've read, that every group member gets something from the group, and every group member gives the group something it needs."

  "Oh. This was Texas. Southern Texas. Speaking Spanish? Is a very useful thing. I had a couple years of Spanish in high school, to get ready for college. I was certified conversational when I got out of high school. I was… very useful to them, in this regard."

  "Someone, was very useful. They could now talk to all the pretty Latinas around town, huh?"

  "Yes. Mind you, I'm no expert Spanish transtor, by any stretch. I can make myself understood, I know enough they can expin what words or verbs I need to understand something. And yes, I had ways of… I knew how to tell a girl I wanted to… crudely, but."

  "How do you tell a Latina, you want to fuck her?"

  "Oh. Now, I butcher verbs and tenses all up to hell and back, but people know what I mean. I would say… yo deseo, usted, en suelo. Then, the girl would blush, she knew what I was shooting for. I either got spped, or she's sitting in my p, and the MPs are ughing either way."

  I giggled, and decided to be a smart ass.

  "Oh my. I just realized something. You couldn't lose. Smacked across the face, or fucked. Either one worked for you, huh?"

  "Oh. Actually, the MPs had different opinions on handling that situation."

  "How to fuck? I thought that was pretty straightforward, but…"

  "Ha ha. No, seriously. How to handle a girl cracking you one. It happens. Some of the guys maintained you smack the girl back. Some of them even said Latinas expected that, it was part of the whole Latino experience or whatever. Most of them though, had the same rule I had. You were to take it, and act like nothing happened. You can't hit a girl. Then? Like everything else. There was my mentor. God rest his immortal soul."

  "What was his wisdom."

  "Well. If a guy hits you, you're supposed to just smile at him. We boxed. When one surprises you, you move your head back with it. Takes the steam out of it. No, he taught me. You take a sucker punch, and just smile at the guy? He'll shit himself. Works, too. Done it before. Guy actually ran away. Now… my mentor's right, I ain't hurt. Real tough guys don't hit women. He said, you just smile at her, and lean in. Hey, that turned me on. Would you give me another one? Try to put your hip into it this time."

  "And how did that work. You could just get cracked again. I mean, you're literally asking for it."

  "You know, never once. Every time, the girl got embarrassed. Everyone roared with ughter. Somehow, you win. See, my mentor was some kind of, wise sage. He knew how to handle anything. Always miss him."

  "Hmm. That is cute. Mind if I analyze it?"

  "Oh. I can't wait. Please."

  "On one level, girls that are spoiled and do that. The guy's embarrassed and can't do anything. Now, you're stuck. You smack her back? You hit a girl. You don't do anything? Ha, you're a sissy. Even a girl can hit you. You're fucked. But, his method? Now you're a tough guy that she can't hurt you. And, you turn it into a joke, and everyone's ughing. Cssy move. Of course, then there's a possible deeper level."

  "Oh. I expect no less, from my chess master. Do tell."

  "Wouldn't that be, chess mistress? Now. Its you. You already had friendly birthday swats once or twice. You got naughty pictures popping in you don't quite understand, but they're there. I think its a win win. You just walked up and said something cute to a girl you just met. You could get a good reaction, from making a bold move. Or, you can get smacked one. Which, whether you realized it or not, was feeding your naughty thoughts. You just told her, that you liked being hit by a girl, technically. You smiled and asked for another one. Harder. I mean, think about it. You misbehaved, and said something naughty. You got a smack across the mouth for it. You got punished for misbehaving. You like it though, and you smile and ask for a harder punishment. I'm not saying you realize this, I think it could be working under the surface. How did this work, by the way?"

  "Oh. The girl don't know what to do now. They don't know what to say, they blush. They walk away, and everyone's ughing, the pce is cracking up. Girl gets tossed out sometimes. Its sheer genius. One time, I made the joke. See? I don't get their number, they toss them out for me."

  "Hmm. That Spanish line. What did that line transte to?"

  "Literally… I want you, in the floor. I desire you, on the floor. Crude and straightforward? Yes. But I was amazed it worked as often as it did. I mean, no clever wordpy, no double entendre. No hints, no sly remarks. Just…"

  "Straight out, like a caveman. Atook, zug-zug, woman. There's a certain appeal to that, for a girl. It shows… confidence."

  "Well. I eventually picked up… let's call it real Spanish. Not the kinds of things they teach in high school espanol css."

  "And what was this highly refined wordpy."

  "Oh. Ustedes tiene, pesca micha. That's close. They knew what I was saying. I mean if a guy said pluck instead of fuck, it would come through loud and clear, right?"

  "Sure. And what was that little gem, transted."

  "Literally, do you have fish that are wet, do you have a wet fish."

  "Oh my. I want you in the floor, was much more subtle."

  "That was the… normal phrase to use."

  "So. Lets recap, for my little Boo Boo. You started out. Being used as the show boyfriend. You do all the work, all the favors, pay for everything… lucky to get a kiss on the cheek once a month. While she runs around going tee hee, I like bad boys. Then hands you off to the next one to get used."

  "Yeah."

  "And, you were the… nerd, the geek. You got picked on by football pyers."

  "Sure."

  "Now. You became one of the tough guys. Suddenly? You weren't the show boyfriend any more. You do realize, you were the bad boy she wanted it in every hole from now? She probably had a nice boyfriend for regur, and you were the fun side thing."

  "I know that now. I didn't know that then."

  "Question. Why did my little Boo Boo ever want to leave this wonderful pce. It must have been like waking up in an entirely different body one day."

  "Yeah. I didn't even realize it was happening, to be honest. I thought I was just learning to… pass the bare minimum to be allowed to hang out with the MPs, next thing I know… bang. I wake up one day, and realize… holy shit."

  "Hmm. And did you like tan Latina girls?"

  "Yes. That part was… nice."

  "Again. Why did you ever want to leave this world. You could have signed up the next four years, and been an MP."

  "Yeah. The truth?"

  "Always."

  "Okay. Before, I had retionships, but no action."

  "Correction. They call that a retion-shit…"

  "Yeah. Now? I could get… action. But, I couldn't have a retionship. The Latina girls? Like to run around with us, but. They won't take us around the hometown crowd, the family. If they do? We get the business, and they get the business, too. Gringos, are discouraged. From poaching the limited pool of cute local talent."

  "Gotcha."

  "My situation? Was entirely reversed. My computer buddies? Were… they treated me different. People were always smiling, ughing at my jokes. It was fake. They were scared to tease me, mess with me. I didn't like that, only a little bit better than getting picked on growing up. I went in to get college money, so… while I didn't get homesick, I missed my computer world. So, when I came back… remember, I had my mentor. He took me out, and showed me how to be a great fighter, then, to be the quiet guy again. I wanted to show off my geek, not my… new found tough guy skills."

  "You poor thing. All this big adventure, just to come back around to where you basically started."

  "In most ways? Yes. With one big exception, though. This time around? I liked it. I didn't wish for anything else. I not only embraced my inner geek, I wallow in it now. I love it. The more I get called a spastic geek? The happier I am. My computer buddies here? They don't look at me funny. They tease me and haze me, and I enjoy it. My biggest fear now? Is that they find out I can rip some jacked up weightlifter off his feet by his neck, and shred his shoulder and it sounds like an apple being ripped in two."

  "And girls…"

  "I can have the retion-shit, and no action. Or, I can have all action, and no retionship, if I give in and take the easy way out. Which I don't allow myself to do. I remembered tomboys existed. Not like we didn't have a couple serious tomboys in the service, you know. So I started making the rounds. I wanted to try one of those out. Figured they would be different. Turns out? They're just like regur girls in high school were, and even worse now. And, if she doesn't want me because I don't cry when I have to touch a computer keyboard, or perform Calculus and integrate an equation… then she doesn't need me. Really? There's just you. You? Put my… two worlds that I knew… into one girl. Unless you're running some kind of, I don't know, long game con scam on me, and I don't think so… there's just you."

  "And you… finally get the girl on TV you used to drool over. The… Olympic athlete body. I mean, not that I can even try to do that, you know what I mean."

  "No, no. The… fantasy? Young. Wow. If I could only be this… big, tough scary guy. Then… maybe I could qualify to get one of those things. One of those girls."

  "Dear? You… could make just one example, out of one big jacked up guy, at some party… and… you do realize, you wouldn't have gotten turned down, going through all of us. I'm… when I think about it like that? I get scared, a little. A man, is only as loyal as his options. That's the conventional wisdom."

  "Dear? Conventional wisdom. The boys taught me. You don't tell a girl you're in love, you'll do anything for her, she's your whole world, you're fantasy come true. She'll run from you. Or even worse? No more respect, and she'll seek out the first, run down, illiterate, knuckle dragging drunken bum of a criminal that lives in his mother's basement, on parole from state prison… and let him use her like a fuck doll, and love every minute of it. To a lot of us guys, girls are very strange creatures."

  "Unfortunately? That's what the girls love to drag home. They're allergic to nice guys. The nicer they are to them? The less they like them. One day, when they need a man to pay the bills? I know what they're gonna do, sure as Christ ever once made little green apples. They're gonna py nice, and do to the husband, what those girls did to you. Running the game on you. They're just going to do it for years, not months. A 5 to 10 year… retion-shit. Then? They're gonna py nice girl again, and hook their little apple cart up to the next one. Or, try marrying some criminal."

  "I have no real options. I'm not supposed to ever admit that? But… there it is."

  "And? I feel the same way about you. I never wanted that kind of guy, I think its silly. I'm actually ashamed, that I didn't get the super hots for you, until I saw that video. You still took me. I don't feel like I have any better options, either. It's very safe. Like I told you, and you looked at me like I was nuts that night. I analyzed the chessboard? I call mate in 3."

  "You went from a third date, to before we fell asleep? You told me you would tell me, when it was time to get married. I can't picture a person, having that kind of confidence."

  "I called it. Has one thing not come true, that I predicted that night?"

  "No. It's… scary sometimes. But I love it, at the same time."

  "Hmm. That confidence you see me have? Yes. In the bedroom, that's me. On the soccer field? Yeah, again that's me. Other than that, the rest of life? I'm not… quite simply, it just ain't like that. You saw me as being confident, down there, tuning her up? Maybe that's how it comes off. I'm actually scared. I wish I was allowed to… lock a dog colr on you, with a name tag, says you belong to me. I can't obviously, so. Other girls have to know, no if and or but about it. That? Is mine. It belongs to me. That's my personal property. You touch it, you so much as shake your ass like that? I'll rag doll your ass. Can you even imagine what I can do to a regur girly girl? Its like an adult, beating up on a little toddler."

  "That? Is how I feel around guys that weren't taught how to fight like I was."

  "You're like me. You don't get off on personal power."

  He giggled.

  "What?"

  "That's funny, coming from you. Little miss, I take boys to the chair in the basement and do my thing to them."

  "Oh, yeah. That is funny. I meant… downstairs…"

  "I know what you meant. As soon as you were done? You were like… well, got that out of the way. Dishes are done now. No gloating. No bragging. I like that. Its what I was taught. I'm actually impressed. Not just that you can do it, but… the really impressed part? You don't want to gloat and brag. Been here over a month now, and you don't threaten the girls all the time."

  "Only over you."

  "You're just so… different."

  "Hmm. Tell me how I'm so different. I just love hearing it. Go on."

  "Aw, come on."

  "I can make you. You know I can. You know I will. You? Know you'll let me do it, too. Need me to count to three? Speak."

  "Girls. Are supposed to be, the ad campaign, anyways. All sugar and spice, and everything nice. Then? You get a peek behind the curtain, and… anything but. They're vicious. Cruel. Lying, cheating, scheming, vindictive. Always take the easy way out, no hard work. No morals, though they love to smile and py it all sweet. I'm such a nice girl, I'm saving myself… please. I want a nice guy, when now everyone knows, unless they didn't get the memo. Again, total bullshit. Also? Most girls are… in bed… you know."

  "Mm hmm. And moi?"

  "Christ. Complete opposite, in every way possible. How could I ever repce you."

  "So. We'll make it so you never have to. Have you been thinking about grad school? Doesn't cost us anything. I could sure use a masters. Would it hurt your career?"

  "Oh. Is there anything you're wrong about?"

  "I try, dear. I mean, if you want me to py dumb, it does something for you? I can pretend to be dumb as a box of rocks. Some guys like that."

  "No. I like smart girls. Same way I like tall, strong girls. Same way I like a girl like you in bed."

  "All things most guys don't want. And if they like one of those things, the odds of the others are slim to none, and slim just left town. I told you, I can't repce you either. The list of… shortcomings I have, in most guy's book? They're the very things you're looking for in your ideal woman."

  "Here I go again. Yeah, I'll pencil in a masters."

  "Great. You wanna know a secret?"

  "Sure. We got plenty. What's one more."

  "I'm probably only pying den mother like I am, till I graduate. I keep pying, to get my masters? You have options. You work for the school, to get your masters. You, would I suppose, teach a couple computer csses a week. Me? The writing on the wall, and this is a secret, but… coach would want me for the coach's assistant job. Team captain, another secret, I already told you. Wanna know what one of the perks of that would be?"

  "I'm all ears."

  "Housing. Graduate assistants, are considered staff, not students. Its very low pay, as compared to what we could make in the real world, so, there have to be perks. One of those, is housing. You like living here?"

  "Beats my old digs."

  "Now. Imagine one of these townhouses, to ourselves."

  "Holy shit. No rent, no utilities?"

  "Same as here, just… you know the two bedroom townhouses? One of those."

  "Wow. You still get the… health food package?"

  "A starting athlete dear. Yes. I can't believe you looked at the menu, and thought it was okay. Most people hate it. They want pizza and junk food."

  "I work out. Chicken and rice are mainstays of my diet. Chinese food, too."

  "All you want."

  "Smaller pce though, only two bedrooms."

  "Not really. These four bedrooms? Are really two townhouse bedrooms, chopped into four, to fit more students in. Two, bigger bedrooms. Upstairs."

  "Same bath?"

  "Yep. I've been in one. The one coach's assistant? Lives there with his wife. He's getting ready to start his masters."

  "Kitchen…"

  "Same kitchen, same living room."

  "Now, the deal breaker. The basement?"

  "Same thing. Same little sub basement, like you just recently enjoyed my considerable attentions in, I might add."

  "Oh, gee. One bedroom for sleeping, like now. What's the other one?"

  "Either separate bedrooms, or… that's the study, or workout room. Or both. Whatever."

  "And will you have your same chair, in the sub basement?"

  "Oh. I'm quite sure."

  I started kissing his neck, sweetly.

  "Hmm. Someone sure liked their… talking to they got, didn't they."

  "That, has got to be… the hottest speech you ever did yet."

  "Yeah. I'm actually worried, I might never top that one. That might end up, our… sexual zenith, or whatever."

  "I can live with that."

  "Really? I was kidding. Your birthday, is actually in two weeks. You said, you wanted another talking to."

  "You said, for sass. And poor performance on chores. When I already know better."

  "Uh huh. I thought I told you. You need another talking to? Same deal, but… you know what happens to you, after we're done with the chair."

  "Hmm. The only crime, is that we burned our… reality aspect this time. The scary ride thing, was kind of… wow."

  "Told you. I couldn't pass that up, I just knew it was too good."