[Announcement: The Demon Lord is eating his polished, steamed, and proudly served rice!]

  “The heck?! It’s just pin rice!” I smmed my chopsticks down. “You’re exaggerating like I’m eating the final meal of a fallen hero!”

  I gred at the bowl before turning to Grando. “Grando?! Why the hell am I eating rice with chopsticks?! We don’t even have a spoon?”

  My frustration echoed through the room.

  Grando bowed deeply and replied, “My deepest apologies, that’s the only utensil we have right now… the spoon was stolen yesterday.”

  I froze, staring at him in silence for a full second before sighing.

  “Nice,” I muttered sarcastically. “I’ll order a guard to protect my spoon next time..."

  I raised my right fist proudly and announced, “The royal spoon shall be considered a national treasure. Anyone who touches it without permission will be charged with treason.”

  [Announcement: The Royal Spoon has been designated a National Treasure. Any individual who touches it without authorization will be charged with treason.]

  I smiled, "that was finally a good one, thank you."

  But my satisfaction quickly faded as another embarrassing announcement followed.

  [Announcement: Demon Lord Angry Level, Mild.]

  I gred straight at Grando, who stood a respectful distance away, hands folded, posture perfect, eyes shining with pride as I continued chewing my aggressively average rice.

  She tilted her chin up slightly, as if daring the grains themselves to be anything less than fwless.

  I exhaled sharply.

  “Grando,” I said, narrowing my eyes, “you’re the one feeding the system these lines, aren’t you? Why does it sound like you?”

  She gasped, actually gasped and pced a hand over her chest like I’d just accused her of treason.

  “Pardon me, my lord!” she said dramatically. “I would never meddle with a sacred system beyond my station. My pride would not allow such underhanded behavior.”

  “…You’re so boring,” I muttered.

  Her eyebrow twitched.

  ...

  Then, as if the system itself had been waiting for a lull in my suffering...

  [Duty Reminder: Tomorrow — Business Trip to Zone 3]

  “…Business trip?” I choked, mid-bite.

  My nose twitched.

  Oh no.

  Something soft brushed against it.

  “Ah...”

  ACHOOOO!!

  [ACHOOOO!! Skill Activated!]

  Light exploded.

  My body sparkled violently, like a low-budget magical girl transformation sponsored by emotional trauma.

  And, as if to add insult to injury...

  Rice sprayed everywhere.

  I mean everywhere.

  [Transforming…]

  [Announcement: Demon Lord successfully transformed into a female!]

  “…WHY is there always colteral damage?!”

  “Oops~”

  I froze.

  Slowly, I looked up.

  Charmie stood right in front of me, holding a feather between her fingers.

  Rice clung to her hair. Her shoulders. Her chest. Her face.

  She looked… mildly disgusted.

  But she was smiling.

  “…You did that on purpose?!” I shouted.

  She giggled, brushing a few grains off her cheek. “Maybe~ I just like you more this way.”

  [Charmie Affection +1]

  I stared at her.

  “Well, thank you,” I said ftly. “I like myself too.” A pause. “…I’m very attractive in any form.”

  She winked. “You don’t need to worry about the business trip, my lord. I’ll accompany you tomorrow.”

  I sighed. That made sense. Charmie was, unfortunately, the Demon Lord’s PR, consultant and walking disaster.

  “…Please,” I added weakly, “don’t make me sneeze again.”

  Her smile widened in a way that told me she absolutely would.

  “By the way,” I said quickly, trying to change the subject, “what is Zone 3?”

  She leaned closer. Too close.

  “Well~” she said teasingly, “how about a kiss on the cheek first?”

  Grando sighed loudly from the background.

  “I already gave you a burst of kisses,” I replied smugly, “with bonus rice earlier.”

  Charmie pouted.

  Then...

  “Ahh~”

  The room froze.

  Even Grando stiffened.

  “…Why are you moaning...?” I asked slowly.

  Charmie’s face flushed.

  “W-wait… Glutto, stop it, ah…”

  I blinked.

  Then I saw her.

  A short demon with chubby cheeks and brown hair tied into a messy bun was happily licking rice straight off Charmie’s chest.

  “…Who,” I asked carefully, “is that?”

  “Glutto done!” the demon chirped cheerfully, finishing the st grain and bowing deeply. “Thanks for the food!”

  Charmie stood there, stunned, rice-free, and emotionally vioted.

  “Pardon me, my lord!” the small demon said brightly.

  “I got distracted by food and forgot to introduce myself! I’m Glutto, the Demon Lord’s Royal Tester!”

  She waved enthusiastically.

  [System Loading…]

  [Initializing Vassals…]

  [Acquired New Vassal: Glutto, Vassal of Gluttony]

  [Glutto Affection +1]

  “…Royal Tester,” I repeated slowly.

  “Yes!” Glutto nodded eagerly, patting her stomach. “I eat all your food first to check for poison or anything dangerous!”

  “…That sounds,” I paused, “…heroic.

  And painful.” I cpped politely.

  “Thank you, my lord!” she beamed. “The rice was delicious!”

  Grando nodded proudly. “As expected.”

  I gnced between them.

  “…Do you all demons worship rice?”

  Honestly, Nugget was a bad name. Rice would’ve been better.

  Then...

  My hand slipped.

  The pte tilted.

  Rice fell onto me.

  [Announcement: The Demon Lord tripped and fell.]

  “PLEASE!” I screamed. “THAT WAS UNNECESSARY INFORMATION! TMI!”

  [Announcement: Demon Lord Stress Level, Critical.]

  “STOP! STOP ANNOUNCING MY EMOTIONS!”

  [Announcement: Demon Lord Angry Level, Critical.]

  I colpsed onto the floor, face buried in my hands.

  [Announcement: Demon Lord Sad Level, Mild.]

  Grando rushed forward, flustered. Charmie hovered awkwardly. Glutto stared at the fallen rice with mourning eyes.

  “…My lord,” Grando said softly, “please remain calm.”

  “I am calm,” I lied through my teeth. “This is my calm scream.”

  Charmie patted my back. “There, there~ At least you looked cute doing it.”

  Glutto sniffed. “The rice… I couldn’t save it…”

  I looked up at the ceiling.

  “…This is my life now.”