That night, Stu dreamt of terrible things; things that’d both happened and things that hadn’t happened. The nightmares were a constant onsught of imagery that Stu would wake up hyperventiting and sweating. He would look at the clock seeing that he’d barely been asleep and rolling over. Calming down and trying again, only to wake up almost screaming. One st try at sleep, and the nightmares flooded his mind once more, jolting awake he rushed for his trash can, puking until it became dry heaves, he slumped limp to the floor next to the trash can. He wanted to go back to bed but the violent way he had thrown up took all his energy.

  He stared at the ceiling from the floor. Why was he reacting this way? PTSD? A side effect of the drug? Was it possible that it might be because he wasn’t human anymore? His mind seemed like it never stopped racing anymore, his biggest worries used to be keeping the bills paid and now.. Now he had no idea what his biggest worries were, there were too many critical issues going on.

  A knock on his door broke his thoughts. He started to get up realizing he was still unable to. In a horse and shaking voice he asked, “What?”

  Prosperity asked, “Are you alright? I heard some.. Noise..”

  Stu shakily said, “Yeah, get some rest. I’ll see you in the morning.”

  She still asked, “Can I come in for just a minute?”

  Stu said, “I’d rather you didn’t.”

  The door opened slowly anyway. Prosperity didn’t enter the room but kept opening the door until she saw Stu colpsed in a pile, next to the trash and staring bnkly at the ceiling. She stepped inside his room saying, “Stu.. You can ask for help, it’s alright.” She came over in an attempt to get him up off the floor.

  Stu said, “Don’t.. I just want to lie here..” Prosperity sat down beside him. She sat quietly for a few minutes, not saying anything but just being present. He said, “You don’t have to be here, you can do anything else.”

  Prosperity asked, “Is that an order?”

  Stu thought about the chains, the resistance he had to put up to break them. Looking at his wrist, he said, “No, you are free to do what you want..”

  Prosperity said, “Alright then, if I’m allowed to do what I want, then I’m going to sit with you a while.”

  Stu sighed annoyed with her, he asked, “There’s a million reasons for you to not be here, so why stay?”

  She sternly spoke, “There are a million and one reasons to stay! You don’t get to decide to shut down on us because you feel like giving up.. You haven’t let any of us give up even when we begged you to let us die. We won’t.. I won’t let you give up on me.. I know you handle a lot of very challenging situations nonstop, but it won’t st forever..”

  Staring at the ceiling he asked, “What will happen when it is over? What happens if we win? What if I can’t hold myself together until then?”

  Prosperity bluntly said, “I have no idea honestly.”

  He said, “Yeah, me either.”

  She looked at him saying, “I do know one thing.. Someone I care about more than anything else once said that we don’t have to be alone when we find out.”

  Stu bluntly replied, “I lied when I said that. We come into this world alone and we leave it the same way. Even gods come and go the same way.”

  Confused Prosperity said, “You didn’t lie to me.. Hope isn’t a lie, and you gave me hope. If the words weren’t accurate, so what? You gave me hope and that was real. It was the only tangible thing I’ve been able to hold onto in this messed up world.. That isn’t a lie Stu, that was the truth hidden in a lie..”

  Stu said, “You’re a messed-up god Prosperity, do you know that?”

  Prosperity spoke softly saying, “That’s not true, I’m not actually a god anymore.. I’m just a servant now.. I gave up my godhood to help you..”

  Stu sat up looking at her, she was telling him the truth. He hadn’t even considered what happened to make her fight with him and Chaos. What a dick move he thought to himself.. He said, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know.. I should’ve asked or…”

  She cut him off saying, “Don’t apologize, I made the decision because I wanted to. Tell me Stu, are you here because you want to be here?”

  He realized he had some of his strength back because he was sitting up now. He hadn’t even realized it when it happened. Stu thought about it, and she was right.. He said, “Now that you mention it, I think I am here, because I want to be.”

  Prosperity shook her head saying, “Not good enough Stu, you need to know, not think. So, I’ll ask you again.. Are you here because you want to be here, or are you here because you think you have to be here? I’m not asking you because I’m trying to help you. I’m asking for myself, just so we’re clear..” She hung her head waiting for the answer.

  Stu said, “Prosperity, I want to be here. With you and the others. When I took your eye I thought it indebted me to you, but now I think I understand.. I don’t feel indebted to you for your eye, it’s because you are an amazing person, and I want to give you..” He looked into her eye, she was crying, he hadn’t noticed until now.. “Prosperity, thank you. For everything you have done, you are an amazing person. I’m truly blessed with having you as my friend..”

  Prosperity said, “I’m not your friend, unless you meant to say girlfriend..” She gave a weak smile through her sad eyes.

  Sighing Stu said, “I have a lot of complicated feelings for all of you. The truth is, I’m falling for all of you. The selfishness of it makes me uneasy, I should be able to choose a single person I love but the truth is.. The truth is, I don’t think I can.. I’m sorry, I can’t help but feel like the three of you have built a pce for me to exist and without all of you.. without all three of you, it crumbles to dust..” He felt nauseous, this was the first true verbalization of his innermost feelings. Prosperity’s strength must have helped him to open-up, and he had spoken honestly, for once. He blushed hanging his head, “It’s just hard to believe that there will ever be peace again. In the world, in life, or in my personal life. I’ve been faking it, faking knowing what to do, faking knowing how to help, faking my confidence, faking almost everything”

  Shrugging Prosperity said, “So? It worked, and isn’t that what matters? You did help with everything and everyone, the confidence was mmm.. Hot..” Shaking her head she continued, “Sorry, I got distracted for a second.. Right, you don’t have to know what you’re doing just keep trying. Don’t think of failing as anything more than a hard lesson learned. I think about my eye, and I think; it was the best lesson I could have had to save my life and introduce me into your life.” She put her head on his shoulder. “If you don’t like your life, just change your view of the world. Don’t try to change the world, that is futile. Change the way you look at things and maybe you will see more than just one or two options.”

  Stu slowly took her hand saying, “Thank you for saving me again. I needed this.. Also, I’m incredibly self-conscious that I smell like vomit, very badly..”

  Prosperity held his hand with her head on his shoulder. She gave a lighthearted ugh and said, “You do.. Very badly.. It doesn’t matter right now though. You needed me and I’m here for you no matter what.”

  “Hey guys, I’m sorry to ruin the moment.” It was miracle, and she said, “I wanted to let you know Chaos just woke up.” She smiled at Stu.

  He said, “Alright, we’ll be down in just a moment.”

  Miracle smiled at Prosperity saying, “Maybe they should have named you Miracle, that was an impressive thing you just did there.”

  Prosperity blushed hard saying, “Oh, you were listening to us.. I um, you see.. I was uh..”

  Stu gave her hand a squeeze saying, “It’s alright, she’s the same way when no one is listening.” He smiled at her as Miracle blushed wildly now.

  They made their way to where Chaos was waiting, she was still on the couch and in a weakened state, but it made Stu smile as the other girls hugged her and filled her in on everything that’d happened. He sat on the opposite side of the room, just to watch everything, and take it in. Taking time to feel the joy and relief that this moment was bringing him. These moments would be few and far between, he knew he had to learn how to enjoy them when they managed to happen. Every once in a while, chaos gives way to something beautiful