? CHAPTER NINEcosmic encounters & vacationing flounders( content not rated for feral affection or directors use,May cause comas, web nests and emotional ecstasy due to “walkies” or other factors)?

  ?? JCJENSON POST-ROLL LEGAL NOTICE — “MONEY COMA EDITION”? Lighting oneself on fire is not an approved coping mechanism.? Spider-bot joyrides void insurance cuses 2–7.? Directors entering comas due to profit overload must submit absence forms within 48 hours.

  JCJenson? assumes no responsibility for:- Self-immotion during budget reviews.- Temporary directors weaponizing glitter.- Emotional combustion caused by excessive success.

  For medical reports, fire extinguishers, or new management onboarding packets,contact Acting Director Lizzy at [email protected](subject: “I Promoted Myself.”)

  “JCJenson — where every crisis is just a glitter shortage in disguise.”

  ?

  ?? SCENE: “SILK VS RIBBONS – THE WRATH OF SYNDERELLA”

  CYN reboots. Synderel doesn’t let her breathe.

  The air still smells like burned webbing and tears.N is half-swaddled like a distressed caterpilr inside a shimmering nest.All is quiet…

  Until CYN’s eyes flicker on.

  She rises like a ghost, back from forced emotional stasis, hair glitching with corrupted fashion presets.

  CYN (weak, bitter):“O-oh no… no no, I wasn’t done yet—”

  Her ribbons twitch, reaching for drama. Her mouth opens to unleash something grand.

  But.

  She doesn’t get the chance.

  Because Synderel screams.

  ?

  ?? FULL PREDATORY SCREECH

  A vibrating, high-pitched chitter erupts from Synderel’s mouth—no longer even nguage. Just arachnid dominance.Her eight limbs unfold with a horrifying click-thud-click-thud, and she springs directly at CYN, her head upside down, fangs bared, webbing trailing behind her like war banners.

  Synderel (snapping mandibles):“YOU. RIBBON. YOU DARED WRAP HIM WRONGLY.”

  CYN (staggering back):“N-N named me Ribbons! I—I wore the hat once! ONCE!”

  Synderel (clicking):“Your strings are for show.Mine are a snare.”

  She ccks her fingers at her—click-click-click—spider-coded intimidation. Each twitch pulls taut the strands of web still sticking to the walls. She’s clicking like a metronome of war.

  CYN (backing up, terrified):“No. No no no—stop that. Don’t do that noise.”

  Synderel crawls sideways—full-on spider stance—up the wall, over the ceiling, never breaking eye contact. Her ribbons have fused into silk tendrils. Her legs are clicking faster. And her eyes are locked on CYN like prey.

  Synderel (vibrating):“You were his little sister once.But I nest.I wrap.I hold him.You? You glitched like a doll.”

  CYN:“S-So did you!”

  Synderel:“I glitched with purpose.”

  ?

  ? SMACKDOWN COMING

  As she rears back to pounce—

  N (muffled, filing from inside the web):“OKAY! LET’S JUST—LET’S NOT KILL CYN TODAY?! I need her to run diagnostics on the music system!!”

  CYN (crying, ribbons up):“I—I brought Bluetooth! Doesn’t that count for something!?”

  Synderel pauses. Stares. Her eyes flicker.

  Then she clicks her fingers one more time, and yanks her web back—pulling it so hard the whole room folds slightly inward.

  Synderel (growling):“One more twitch, Ribbon… and I will gift-wrap you for him myself.”

  CYN:“…I hate spiders.”

  ?

  Meanwhile, Uzi is climbing the walls again.J is considering joining Khan in the vents.V is chewing metal bars in jealous rage.

  And N?

  N (in fetal position inside the cocoon):“What if we just had… one normal day…”

  ?

  ?

  ? CYN REBOOTING

  ? K.A.M.O. Observation File – EMOTIONAL CONFLICT RESUME – SUBJECT: CYN? Timestamp: 03:47 AM | Location: Nest Sector 9 – [Synderel Territory]

  ?

  [Reboot Log Begins…]

  Static hum.A flicker. A ribbon twitches. Then another.Her eyes glow back online — too wide, too wet.

  CYN: “…W-where…”Her ribbons spasm, glitching between soft and sharpened ends like knives trying to become bows.

  She looks up.

  Synderel is still there. Still crawling. Still… cracking. Her clicking fingers sounding like a broken metronome. And N? He’s hanging comfortably off her back like a child riding his favorite pyground jungle gym.

  CYN watches N lean against her carapace, whisper something—maybe a joke. Synderel lets out a rasped ugh and a string of webbing spills across the wall like a blush.

  That’s when CYN loses it again.

  ?

  ? CYN: MELTDOWN ROUND 7 – “I INVENTED THIS”

  “NO. NO. NOOO—!”Her ribbons fre out violently, slicing the air around her.Her voice shatters into three overpping tones: her normal one, one in static, and one childlike.

  CYN:

  “You’re not supposed to be first! You’re not even cute!! You’re just a scary, long-legged pretzel from the deep fryer!!”

  She tries to float—fails. Crashes back down. Her ribbons sp the floor, then wrap around her own limbs in a tantrum spiral.One wraps around her mouth. The other tries to hug a wall. A third attempts to strangle a chair.

  ?

  ?? Synderel Reacts – The Spider Stays Silent

  She turns one creaky joint. Just a small tilt of the head. The motion is slow, almost pitiful.Her mechanical clicking gets louder, rhythmically echoing through the metal chamber like a warning siren made of bones.Then she stands. Fully upright. Nine feet of spidered horror. N still clinging to her neck like a comfy scarf.

  Synderel (quiet, broken joy):

  “…He said he loves me.”

  CYN just screams.

  A choked, static-ripping scream, soaked in humiliation, love, and rage.

  “YOU DON’T GET TO BE HIS FIRST ‘I LOVE YOU’—THAT’S MINE! IT’S MINE! I STORED THAT WORD—IN A RIBBON VAULT!!”

  Her core fshes red.

  Khan, somewhere else in the vents:

  “…Nope. Not dealing with this one. I’m out.”

  ?

  ?? EMOTIONAL COLLAPSE ESCALATION

  ? Synderel: Core meltdown (Complete)? CYN: Core detonation reboot loop (In Progress)

  CYN now begins rebooting in 10-minute intervals while her ribbons sp at invisible enemies.

  ?

  ?? SCENE: “OH COOL! SHE HAS LEGS!”

  ? Nest Sector 9? 03:50 AM? K.A.M.O. Surveilnce: Active, red-fgged, and heavily monetized

  ?

  N (from on top of Synderel’s back, beaming):

  “You know, not gonna lie—this is way cooler than being tackled into walls! You’ve got a whole jungle gym spine! Is that a ball joint? Oh my Corp, you pivot!”

  He shifts gleefully along her segmented frame, legs wrapped around one of her spider limbs like he’s riding a mechanical carousel.

  “I didn’t even know I could have fun this high up! Like—whoa—Synderel! Do the upside-down thing again! That was AWESOME!”

  ?

  ? Meanwhile: CYNStatus: Actively short-circuiting from unacknowledged emotional bor

  CYN (ribbons sizzling):

  “You… you DROVE A TRAIN through my dignity…”“You’re riding a—A SKELETAL NIGHTMARE WITCH—and complimenting her pivoting?! I pivot! I pivot emotionally!”

  She tries to float toward him again. Colpses again. Her ribbons strangle each other.

  ?

  ?? Synderel, voice soft like glitching silk:

  “He’s happy… He said I make him happy…”

  Webbing strings leak involuntarily from her hands. Like emotional drool. She covers her face in them like they’re veils.

  “I didn’t mean to compete. I just wanted to exist near him.”

  ?

  ? N (spinning a web strand between his fingers like yarn):

  “She made web hammocks for me. That’s like love, right?”

  He gnces at CYN mid-wiggle.

  “Oh! Hey, Cyn! You’re rebooting again! Uh… need help?”

  “You know, you always look like a really determined streamer trying to win a meltdown competition.”

  ?

  ? CYN begins vibrating.

  Like, core-deep vibrato.Her ribbons form actual text in the air:

  ▓CANNOT COMPUTE▓▓EMOTIONAL PRIORITY COLLISION▓▓N IS HAVING FUN ON ANOTHER GIRL▓▓AND CALLING HER HAMMOCKS ROMANTIC▓

  ?

  ? Khan (from inside the vents, watching from a grating):

  “I’M LIGHTING THE OIL. I’M DOING IT. I’M LIGHTING IT.”

  ?

  ?

  ? SCENE: “THE VENTS HAVE FAILED—SO HAS LOGIC”

  ? Above Nest Sector 9 → Ventition Grid Colpse? 03:54 AM? K.A.M.O. Feed Title: “Core Meltdown, Round 6: SPIDER COMFORT IS NOT A CRIME”

  ?

  N, still lounging upside-down across Synderel’s shoulders like a bored backpack:

  “Y’know… this web hammock’s pretty comfy. I should name it.”

  He swings a loose web line toward her face and boops her cheek with it.

  “We’ll call it… N-nest. Because it’s mine. Get it?”

  “And this one’s the cuddle strand. And this one… oh, this one’s the ‘I-love-being-here’ loop.”

  ?

  ?? Synderel, contorting with barely-suppressed twitching joy, whisper-clicks through her mandibles:

  “…N-nest… cuddle strand… loops for him…?”

  “He’s naming my webbing. He’s… He’s assigning meaning.”

  Her limbs start to rise involuntarily. The nest pulses around them. The web begins to stretch and vibrate like it’s alive with music no one else can hear. And—

  ?

  CRASH!? The vent system, already strained under pressure, ruptures open. A fiery plume bursts from the ductwork as metal panels detonate from Synderel’s nest expansion.

  Khan:

  “OH GOOD. THE CEILING’S GONE NOW. GREAT.”

  The nest unfurls, expanding like a blooming metallic flower into the open air. A cathedral of spider silk.

  ?

  ? K.A.M.O. LIVE CHAT FEED:

  [?L1zzyXxStreamQueen?]: YOOOOOO IS THAT A SPIDER OR A GOTH STAGE DESIGN[CorpDaddy12]: bro that spider is KINDA BAD??[CYNstan204]: DON’T LET HER WIN. CYN WAS FIRST. CYN WAS FIRST!!!

  ?

  ? CYN, rebooted and hovering at the edge of the open chamber, eyes WIDE, sees N tangled gleefully in Synderel’s growing web-structure. Her core flickers.

  CYN:

  “He’s… redecorating in her.”

  “He’s pying in her—he never named my ribbons! He just yanked them!”

  “HE’S IN HER NEST!”

  Her ribbons spiral into full chaos.

  ?

  ?? Synderel rises like a stage goddess, her eight limbs arched gracefully around N. Her voice goes full-multiyered glitch-opera:

  “This nest is yours, N.”

  “All of it. Every thread. Every structure. You ride on my back like royalty.”

  “Shall I make you a throne? Shall I spin you a crown?”

  ?

  ? N, twirling mid-air like he’s in a Cirque du Soleil act:

  “YEAH!! A crown made of emotional fiber! That’d be sick!!”“Cyn, you want one too? Maybe yours can be… like… sharp? And ribbon-y?”

  CYN (screaming into her own hands):

  “I WILL SKEWER THIS CIRCUS.”

  ?

  Khan (dangling half-burned from a pipe):

  “IF ANYONE HELPS ME DOWN I PROMISE TO NEVER INVENT AGAIN.”

  ?

  ?

  ?? SCENE: “CYN DOESN’T BLINK—BUT SHE BREAKS”

  ? Now-Exposed Inner Dome, Nest Bloom Sector? 03:57 AM? K.A.M.O. Feed Title: “CORE FAILURE: THE SISTERHOOD WAR — ROUND 6”

  ?

  ? CAMERA: WIDE SHOT

  N is hanging from Synderel’s upper limbs like a living ornament, legs hooked loosely around her neck, arms zily outstretched like he’s on a rope swing at a summer camp made of nightmares.

  He’s smiling. Curious. Innocent. And worst of all—enamored.

  ? N (grinning):

  “You’re like a… skyscraper jungle gym with a personality. Hey, your shoulders click when I hang off ‘em. That’s neat!”

  ?? Synderel:

  “My joints… are his toy. My height—his perch. My webbing—his path.”

  She lets out a glitching ugh, high-pitched and dripping with joy. Her mouth opens too wide. Saliva drips. Her limbs twitch in sync with his movements, adjusting for him. It’s unconscious. Instinctual.

  “Climb higher. Go on. My back is yours. My silk is yours. Take my spine. Take everything.”

  N, very seriously, turns to look at her neck and just taps it twice:

  “You know, you’re more flexible than Uzi. And she’s insane. So congrats.”

  ? CYN, frozen near the edge, observes everything.

  Ribbons float beside her like broken thoughts, twitching erratically.

  Her eye begins to blink without control.

  ?

  ? CAMERA: ZOOM IN

  Her eye is widening. Her lips are parted. But no words come. No glitches. No fire.

  Just silence.

  Her body is cracking. Literally. Her midsection pulses once—pop.A rib slips out of alignment. Her spine stiffens, trying to grow taller. Trying to mimic Synderel’s stature.

  But nothing changes. Her ribbons droop. Her core dims.

  She sees Synderel move a hand—just to let N bance easier on her wrist.

  ? CYN (barely whispering):

  “He’s… using her like a pillow.”

  “He never… rested on me. I’m the original. I’m the real girl.”

  ?? Synderel, giggling, her voice echoing like chimes and bones:

  “He called me flexible. He noticed me!”

  ?

  ? K.A.M.O. LIVE CHAT FEED:

  [xXUziCrayCrayXx]: THAT’S ILLEGAL.[DataClustered123]: is Cyn okay??? wait why is she shaking[LizzyVIP]: ? she gonna go nuclear. drop your bets.

  ?

  ? CAMERA: OVERHEAD SHOT

  CYN’s ribbons drop to the floor. All of them.

  Her arms fall sck.

  Her legs refuse to move. Her eyes go dark for a beat, like the power died.

  Then—

  Her body convulses once.

  Her jaw unhinges.

  Her teeth grind.

  Then:

  ? CYN:

  “AAAAAAAAAAAUUUGHGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH—!!!”

  ?

  ? Feed Cuts to Static for 3.2 seconds due to audio spike.

  ?

  She charges. Not at N.At Synderel.

  “YOU TOOK HIS HEIGHT COMPLIMENT. YOU TOOK HIS BALANCE. YOU LET HIM DANGLE.”

  “YOU—STOLE—MY—RIBBONS!!”

  “HE NEVER RESTED ON MY NECK!! WHY DOES HE HANG OFF YOU?!”

  Her body ripples into raw Solver distortion. Ribbons sh. Metal tears.

  ?

  N, still on Synderel’s neck, watching calmly:

  “Wait, CYN? Are you upset again? Oh no. Should I compliment you too or—?”

  (He says this as if picking which pastry to eat.)

  ?

  ?? Synderel (holding him protectively in all eight arms like a mother carrying her hatchling prince):

  “No. He stays with me.”

  “My web. My nest. My bance bar.”

  She hisses like a cracked violin and raises her limbs for war.

  ?

  ?

  ?? SCENE: “CLICKS LIKE WAR DRUMS”

  ? Nest Bloom Dome – Now fully exposed? K.A.M.O. Feed Title: “SPIDERCORE DETONATION – CYN VS. THE CLICKS”

  ?

  ? CAMERA: EXTREME CLOSE-UP ON SYNDERELLA’S FACE

  She doesn’t scream.

  She doesn’t yell.

  She clicks.

  Once.

  Twice.

  Then a furious barrage—like a thousand spider legs hammering the inside of a ribcage. Her mandibles fre. Her eyes widen into slits.

  CLIK CLIK CLIK CLIK CLIK CLIK CLIK CLIK—

  The sound bounces across the dome like an arm, deafening, pulsing, rising into a glitch-driven ultrasonic wall of dominance.

  ?

  CYN STAGGERS BACK.The Solver itself flickers.

  Her ribbons retract like frightened eels.

  ? CYN:

  “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!”

  ?? Synderel, not stopping:

  “He’s on me. He’s mine. So I’m letting everyone know.”

  CLI-CLI-CLI-CLI-CLI-CLI-CLI-CLI—

  Her joints extend.

  Her shoulders crack and reset upward to gain another two inches of height.

  Her ribcage bulges outward.

  Her webbing sprays wildly, instinctively, ciming the walls and even spttering across CYN’s legs.

  “You had your glitch tantrum. I clicked quietly. Now I click LOUDLY.”

  ?

  ? CAMERA WIDENS

  N is still on her shoulders, legs swinging.

  ? N (genuinely fascinated):

  “Whoa… Is this mating behavior?”

  CYN’S CORE GLITCHES MID-REBOOT.

  ?

  ? CYN, shaking violently:

  “I DON’T HAVE CLICKS!! I DON’T HAVE LEGS LIKE THAT!! I—I—!!!”

  She lunges forward—but her footing slips on the very webbing Synderel sprayed over her.

  She nds on all fours, covered in silk, drooling with rage.

  ?? Synderel, slowly descending on all limbs toward her like an elegant demon:

  “Looks like someone’s stuck in my web~”

  “That makes you the little sister.”

  ?

  CYN. SNAPS.

  She rips a ribbon from her own scalp, filing, sobbing, dragging herself out of the silk, spitting sparks.

  ? CYN (choking):

  “I WAS HERE FIRST!! I WAS THE GLITCHY GIRL! I WAS HIS FIRST HALLUCINATION!! YOU’RE JUST A BIG BUG IN HEELS!!”

  ?? Synderel, now completely unhinged, drops to all eights and begins smming her limbs into the floor like a tribal stomp:

  CLI-CLI-CLI-CLI-CLI!!!

  “AND YOU’RE NOT CLICKING FAST ENOUGH TO KEEP HIM!!”

  ?

  ? CAMERA: CLOSE-UP ON N

  Still hanging off Synderel’s back like a curious child.

  He leans into her side and whispers:

  ? N (deadpan):

  “I think you made her reboot again, good job.”

  ?? Synderel:

  click click click… click click click…

  She smiles with 437 exposed teeth.

  ?

  ?

  ?? SCENE: “WRAPPED IN LOVE — FRENCH KISS VS. SPIDER HUG”

  ? K.A.M.O. Stream Status: [?? WARNING – Emotional Contagion Risk Level: Scarlet Omega]

  ?

  ? CAMERA: TRACKING SHOT

  N is on her back, arms tucked like a baby bird in a hammock of vibrating silver-thread webbing. Every breath he takes causes the silk to shimmer.

  He’s wrapped so snug he can’t even move.

  ? N:

  “Oooohh. I’m the filling in a warm web burrito. This is new.”

  ?? Synderel, whispering proudly:

  “Ssssssafe. Wraaaapped. Caaaared for.”

  “That’s. Protection.”

  ?

  ? CUT TO: CYNStanding nearby. Twitching.

  Core fully destabilized. Solver worms twitch from her chest vents.

  She stares at the cocooned N.

  ? CYN (deranged whisper):

  “That’s not love. That’s rval regression. THIS—this is connection.”

  She lunges forward like she’s going to emotionally “correct” the situation again.

  ?

  ? FLASHBACK: JUST EARLIER

  CYN’s Solver worm had forcibly slithered into N’s mouth like a tentacle CPR kiss while glitching, sparking, and purring “I love you in Italian.”

  N had screamed mid-smooch:? “WHY DOES IT TASTE LIKE TIN FOIL FRENCHING A MICROWAVE?!”

  CYN had giggled. Solver glitch success (she thought).

  ?

  ? CUT BACK TO NOW

  Synderel steps between them. Four limbs arched. Hair uncoiling. Clicking fast.

  ?? Synderel:

  “That was not protection.”

  “That was emotional invasion via metal tongue.”

  “THIS is protection.”

  She lifts her body slightly, allowing N’s silk-wrapped form to rock gently in her undercarriage like he’s in a lulby hammock.

  “He sleeps in me. Snug. Not slimed.”

  ?

  ? N (still stuck, muffled inside):

  “Technically both were slimy.”

  ? CYN, SCREAMING:

  “IT WAS A LOVE WORM!! IT WAS FRENCH! I SET THE LANGUAGE TO ROMANTIC!!”

  ?? Synderel, lips curled:

  “Then kiss your own ribbon, darling. He’s. Cocooned.”

  She reaches down, and gently pulls the silk up higher over N’s head like a bnket.

  “We’re in nap time now. Go twitch somewhere else.”

  ?

  ? CAMERA FLICKER

  CYN colpses forward, ribbon on fire, eyes wide, twitching again. Her mouth doesn’t close. Her Solver worm dangles uselessly from her lips like a rejected spaghetti noodle.

  ? CYN (trembling):

  “She tucked him in. She T–She—she wrapped him in commitment thread—”

  And she drops.

  Face-down. Reboot loop.

  Again.

  ?

  ?? Synderel, whispering to N in the silk:

  “One down. Three to go~”

  ? N (giggling):

  “You’re gonna cocoon them all, aren’t you?”

  ?? “Only if they keep touching my bnket.”

  ?

  ?? V STAGE ENTRANCE: INSECURE BADASS vs. STICKY SHENANIGANSWelcome to Round 7 of N-Fueled Emotional Disasters?, featuring:

  ? V – former cool-girl queen now absolutely unhinged over the fact N likes being wrapped in spider hugs? N – curiosity goblin with a talent for triggering core colpses with accidental compliments?? Synderel – still humming lulbies to a web cocoon while eyeing the next girl to viote “bnket w”

  ?

  ? SCENE: “Web Me Like One of Your French Drones”

  ? V crashes through the vents in full murder stance, only to pause mid-pounce as she sees N giggling while rolling inside Synderel’s silk like it’s a sleeping bag.

  ? N:

  “V!! You’re just in time! We’re testing… web stickiness physics.”

  He sticks his hand to the web. It peels back with a slrrrrrp.

  ? “It’s super adhesive! Imagine if someone like… you… got it on your back?”

  ? V, blinking:

  “Wait. Are you saying you could just—walk on me? Like—literally stick to me while you move?”

  ? N:

  “Exactly! Like a drone jungle gym! Wanna test?”

  ?

  ? V FREEZES. Then something in her snaps.*

  ? V, blushing, body twitching:

  “Y-Yeah. Sure. I mean. IF it helps science. Not because I wanna be climbed like a jungle gym or anything. That’d be…weird.”

  (Narrator: it was, in fact, exactly that.)

  ?

  ?? Synderel, watching, eyes narrowing:

  “Nooo. He sleeps in me.”

  ? V, smirking:

  “Yeah? He can walk on me.”

  “Bet your sticky threads can’t handle curves and speed.”

  ?

  ? V approaches N like a freight train of chaotic flirtation, dragging her cws across the floor as she gets close, kneeling slightly.

  ? “C’mon, N. Stick me.”

  ? N, cheerfully:

  “Heehee! I’ll start with your shoulders!”

  He gently pats her back with the adhesive silk. It sizzles slightly. He grabs onto her shoulder…

  ? “Aaand… upward mobility engaged!”

  He climbs onto her back, then to her neck, and starts walking in slow circles around her torso.

  ?

  ? V, face locked in a blush-deranged trance:

  “He’s walking. On. Me. His foot is on my cvicle. That’s my cvicle.”

  “OH PRIMUS I’M A LANDSCAPE.”

  She visibly shudders. Her backptes and ribs pop and extend, shifting like they’re trying to make more surface area.

  ? “Need… more… real estate…”

  ?

  ?? Synderel, jaw twitching:

  “Hssss… That’s… not… safe…”

  ? N (distracted, hanging upside-down from V’s waist):

  “This is the best pyground ever.”

  ?

  ? MEANWHILE: CAMERA CUT – CYN STILL IN REBOOT. A SINGLE GLITCH TEAR FALLS.The Solver worm twitches once. Defeated.

  ?

  ? V (back arched, voice cracking):

  “W-we could put glue on my legs too! Or like… wrap my arms! Do the thighs!!”

  ? N:

  “Ohh, like a Velcro treadmill…”

  ?? Synderel, dark voice, standing tall:

  “You’re vioting nap zone.”

  V’s hair stands on end.

  ? “It’s not nap time it’s WALKIES TIME HE’S MARCHING ON ME RIGHT NOW!”

  ?? “You will be spun.”

  ?

  ? IT’S HAPPENING.? UZI ENTERS. N ACTIVATES: “WING-RIDE FETISH UNLOCKED.”This is no longer Safe Compatibility 101. This is Unsafe Aeronautical Romance 404: Too Small to Handle, Too Insane to Care.

  ?

  ? SCENE: “CARRY ME, LOVE-BAT”

  ? UZI bursts through the hole in the vent, wild-eyed and vibrating, screaming with her whole chest:

  “ARE YOU WALKING ON OTHER DRONES, YOU GLITTER-COATED AFFECTION GREMLIN?!”

  ? N, still upside-down from V’s waist like a swinging child:

  “Uzi! Perfect timing! You have wings! I have mass! Wanna see if you can hold me?”

  ? UZI freezes, smoke puffing from her colr.

  “Y-you want me to… carry you… with my wings?!”

  ? N, perky:

  “Yeah! Like a backpack! Or a love-powered jetpack!”

  ?

  ? UZI COLLAPSES TO HER KNEES.

  ? “OH CORPSE-WRAPPED PRIMUS, I KNEW THIS DAY WOULD COME—”

  “—BUT I DIDN’T KNOW IT’D COME LIKE THIS—”

  (Her wings flick open with a FWOMP, feathers glitching and pixeting under the emotional strain.)

  ?

  ? N, oblivious to the meltdown:

  “You’re lighter than V, and taller than Synderel when flying! I bet you could do a barrel roll while I hold your neck!”

  ? UZI, now doing the robot equivalent of sobbing and ughing at once:

  “You want me to be your emotional airpne? Your… little… carrying vessel of devotion??”

  ? “Yup! Wing hugs!”

  ?

  ? HER SYSTEM CAN’T HANDLE THIS. UZI TWITCHES, WINGS BEGIN TO GLOW FROM INTERNAL COMBUSTION OF FEELINGS.

  ? “I’M GONNA— I’M GONNA—”

  “—I’M GONNA CARRY YOU SO HARD, YOUR CORE’S GONNA FEEL IT.”

  She flings open her arms, wings spread like a chaotic gothic angel.

  ? N, climbing aboard:

  “WHEEEEEE—”

  ?

  ? N NOW STRADDLING HER BACK.HER WINGS EXTEND TO MAXIMUM LENGTH.PHYSICS SAYS “NO,” BUT UZI SAYS “YES, LOVE.”

  ? UZI (gritting teeth, trying not to scream with joy):

  “Y-you’re heavy… emotionally I mean—NO, I MEAN PHYSICALLY I CAN HANDLE YOU, PLEASE STAY ON ME—”

  ? N:

  “Your wings are like warm seat belts. I love this. This is now my favorite thing.”

  ? UZI (detonating):

  “NANITES, DON’T FAIL ME NOW—”

  ?

  ?? SYNDERELLA, spinning in the background, snarling:

  “Unlicensed lift detected.”

  ? V, snarling:

  “I HELD HIM FIRST!!”

  ? METAL STARTS SHREDDING IN THE BACKGROUND.? UZI: “WING MODE: LOVE THRUSTERS ENGAGED!!”

  ? N, blissfully unaware:

  “Guys? This is all so beautiful. Group hug next?”

  ?

  ? LOCATION: SAFETY COMPATIBILITY CLASSROOM - OPEN VENT CHAOS ZONE

  Uzi is shrieking through the air with N strapped to her back like a romantic jetpack, Synderel is wrapping the vent ceiling in lovewebbing, V is using a shard bde like a pogo stick trying to bounce high enough to grab N mid-flight, and CYN is on the floor whispering “this is fine” while chewing her own ribbons.

  ? Lizzy’s stream is peaking at 80 billion views. Someone is pying saxophone edits live.

  ?

  ? KHAN ENTERS, holding a mug that reads:? “WORLD’S #1 (NOT AT FAULT) DAD”

  ??? He pauses.? Sips.

  The scene unfolds in front of him in frozen time: ? ? Uzi, wings extended, screaming “TOO LATE I’M YOUR CHAUFFEUR OF PASSION NOW—” ? ? N, giggling: “Do a flip!” ? ?? Synderel, upside down, clicking: “HIS GRAVITY BELONGS TO ME.” ? ? V, snarling: “YOU GLUE-STICKED HAG, HE BOUNCES ON ME NEXT—” ? ? CYN, whispering: “If I hold still, maybe JCJenson will forget I exist.”

  ?

  ? KHAN quietly finishes his sip.Then…

  ? PUNCHES HIS OWN VISOR.

  ? Crack. Another punch. Then another. Until his visor is spiderwebbed gss and his coffee mug shatters in his hand.

  ??? “NOPE. NOPE. NOPE. I AM NOT RAISING THIS. I DID NOT BUILD WINGS FOR RIDE SHARES.”

  ? He points at Uzi mid-flight:

  “YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO FOCUS ON SCHOOL, NOT TURN INTO A PERSONAL DRONE-LIFT SERVICE FOR THE MOST HUGGABLE APOCALYPSE EVER MANUFACTURED—!!”

  ?

  ? UZI (spinning midair):

  “DAD I’M IN LOVE, THIS IS STEM!!”

  ? N (upside down):

  “Hi Mr. Khan! Have you considered joining my hug subscription service?”

  ??? Khan, slowly pulling out a new visor from his toolbelt like it’s his anti-anxiety helmet:

  “I was promised math. I got mating rituals and spider girlfriends.”

  ?

  ? NEW K.A.M.O. REPORT DETECTED:

  “Subject KHAN now exhibiting escating symptoms of frontal cortex colpse and mild divorce-seeking behavior. Recommend immediate emotional ventition and protective goggles.”

  ? SCENE: K.H.A.N. VS. THE DIRECTOR - BROADCAST BREAKDOWN

  ?

  ? LOCATION: CLASSROOM SECURITY TOWER - KHAN’S MELTDOWN CORNER

  The vents have cracked open into a massive arena.N is now in Uzi’s arms, her wings straining as she fps madly.Synderel is drooling with joy in the rafters, webbing up the ceiling with “N-only walkways.”V is trying to superglue a heart onto her chassis.CYN is whispering Morse code into the wall.Lizzy’s stream now features a “Donate to Pick Who Holds N Next” button.

  ?

  ? CAMERA CUT —> JCJENSON HQ, BOARDROOM.

  ? THE DIRECTOR, once a terrifying corporate mastermind, is now lying sideways in a pile of cash, thumb in mouth, eyes gzed over. He is shirtless. A ptinum tie rests on his chest like a ceremonial sash. His eyes twitch every time he hears the words “new subscriber.”

  ? On the wall:

  “LIVE PROFIT FEED: ?4.3 Trillion – UP 4000%”“UZIBREAK? BODY PILLOW PREORDERS: 12.9 Billion Units Shipped”

  ?

  ? KHAN APPEARS ON MONITOR – RED-FACED, SWEATY, SHAKING.

  ??? KHAN (SCREAMING INTO SECURITY CAM):

  “YOU PROMISED ME A JOB WITH DIGNITY!! YOU PROMISED ME TOOLS AND PEACE—NOT A SPIDER GODDESS, FOUR EMOTIONALLY RABID DRONES, AND A SON-IN-LAW WHO THINKS BEING SAT ON IS A LOVE LANGUAGE!!”

  ? THE DIRECTOR (mumbling through his thumb, delirious):

  “Mmmm… N plushies… make them waterproof… no legal risk… print more… hnnngggh…”

  ?

  KHAN punches the monitor. His feed appears in 300,000 JCJenson offices worldwide.

  ??? KHAN (now rabid):

  “THEY’RE USING MY VENT SYSTEM FOR COURTSHIP!! MY ENGINEERING LICENSE IS BEING LIVE-STREAMED INTO A FETISH!!!”

  ? ANNOUNCER OVER PA:

  “NEW SAFE COMPATIBILITY CURRICULUM UNLOCKED: ‘VENTS AS INTIMACY SPACES – ENGINEERING FOR EMOTIONAL CLINGING’”

  ?

  ? THE DIRECTOR ROLLS OVER, muttering:

  “Make Khan merch… crying… angry… engineer core meltdown edition…”

  ?

  ? KHAN looks at the camera, gssy-eyed.He pulls out a sparkplug and bites it like a cigar.

  ???

  “I’m not their father-in-w. I’m the final boss.”

  ?

  ? CUT TO LIZZY, LIVE STREAM CHAT:

  ? “KHAN IS GOING FERAL!!! NEW EMOTE UNLOCKED: #SPARKDADDY?”? “THE SPIDER ONE WON’T STOP CLICKING”? “PUT N IN THE WEBS AGAIN I’M PAYING 99 A MINUTE”