There were more lumpy rocks in the cave, and I was on my guard, but these rocks were just rocks.

  It’s underh one of those head sized stones on the left. No, I don’t remember whie, I always figured I could lift them up until I found it.

  “Do you mind keeping watch while I look for the wand?” I asked Gren.

  “No. Although if you pn to bend over like that I might have difficulty trating.”

  “I’ll, um, promise you a show whe out.”

  She smiled. “Now that is a promise.”

  “Yes it is.” It seemed better thaing killed because she was distracted, I told myself. It’s not that I liked her ogling me. Okay, maybe a little.

  I lifted one of the rocks, and there was just more stoh it. Same with the . But the third covered up a small hole.

  That’s it. Reach down and take what you find there.

  “You mean the wand, right?” I whispered.

  It won’t feel like a wand. But you’ll get a wand. And something else eveer. What, you think I want to be inside a body that has a hand cut off by a crushing bde trap?

  That seemed oddly specific. I wasn’t sure of his motivation. I reached into the hole, and my hands closed around something that felt like cloth. I tugged it out.

  It was a bag, made of some kind of leather, the base of it about six inches in diameter, the top tied up with a leather thong. It looked full, but it ractically weightless.

  “That doesn’t look like much,” Gren said. “I guess your wand is in that?”

  “You’re supposed to be keeping lookout.”

  “You ’t bme me for sneaking peeks. Of course I’m curious about what’s under your skirt, given what Xy said.” She held her hands nearly a foot apart, which was a slight exaggeration.

  “Show ter, remember? Keep watow.”

  “Yes ma’am,” she said, and turned her back.

  Now just rea to the bag and think about grabbing my wand.

  I really hoped that wasn’t some kind of obse joke. I’d e this far, might as well see it through. I undid the thong and reached i was empty. Then I remembered that I was supposed to think about the wand. Immediately, I found it in my grasp and pulled it out.

  Bigger on the ihan oside. And you don’t have to hunt around, just think about what it is that you want, and if it’s in there, you’ll get it. Of course, you have to know what’s in there. If yood to me, I’ll tell you about the other things ihe bag.

  I sort of absorbed that, but mostly I was looking at the wand. It was made of something dark and rigid, tapering to a point, but a skull on the one end drew my attention. The skull looked human, other than being only about two inches wide. The pointy end was at the other end.

  Elf wizard. Had that shrunk down, and now he helps stop me from dropping the wand. Or stops you, I suppose. And the rest is genuine demon boop rate craftsmanship. They don’t make them like this anymore.

  I refrained from mentioning that he’d been in his tomb for turies, apparently, and didn’t have the slightest idea of how they made them anymore. Also, I really hoped they had stopped making them this way.

  Well, for the moment, this was a case of as long as it worked. I put it ba the bag.

  “We’ve got it,” I said. “Let’s get out of here.”

  Gren grinned. “Remember the show.”

  “I remember,” I said. “If you like, you be sed up the rope, so you watch me from below.”

  She nodded. “Why do you think I wao be first down, before?”

  And apparently her sex drive increased when she was drunk. I kinda wao see it, and I was a bit intimidated, too.

  I put the bag in my backpad used the rope to help me out. Gren waited until I was all the way out to climb out after me, but I barely noticed that, even though I’d inteo help her up, because words were suddenly fshing in front of my eyes.

  As an individual with two spirits, you have unlocked your sed css. Would you like to see your choiow?

  “You look sort of out of it, are you okay?” Gren asked. I saw Xy ing out of the tree toward me.

  Just a moment, I thought at the system dispy.

  “So, um, I have a strange question,” I said. “Do you two have a system dispy?”

  “Of course,” Gren replied. “Every adult does. Although most people’s aren’t very iing.”

  Xy nodded.

  Most people don’t even have one css. They are level 0, and don’t get experience points.

  I felt like I almost didn’t get experience points myself. “It seems I have to look at my system dispy for a bit. Give me a moment?”

  “After that, she’s going to dance for us,” Gren said. “And show off her you know what.”

  Had dang been part of the deal? Maybe stantly pushing the bounds of a promise was something you learned when you were a princess, although princess retentious title for the daughter of a chief of a vilge of two hundred.

  “Go ahead,” Xy said. “I hope it’s something good. Gren and I eain ourselves without you, ’t we?”

  And that wouldn’t be distrag at all. Paying attention to the system dispy seemed important, so I turned my ba the other two.

  Okay, system dispy, I thought. Show me my choices.

  As a result of clearing some forest, you have unlocked the css Forester.

  As a result of sedug a dryad, you have unlocked the css Seductress (Prestige Css).

  As a result of winning a bat with melee ons, you have unlocked the css Warrior.

  Warrior seemed to be the skill most likely to be useful in dealing with the trolls, but I was curious about Forester. Was that like a Ranger in D&D? If so, it would have a fair amount of fighting capability, and might have some extra bes. I wao explore more of the world eventually, and not be fio Xy’s forest, as nice as she was, so I didn’t want to take it if it was too narrow, but it was worth iigating at least.

  Oh, e on, take Seductress, you know you want to.

  “Don’t be ridiculous. Act ye.”

  I’m over a thousand years old. If I don’t have a right to be a dirty old man, then who does?

  Show me Forester, I thought.

  The Forester css is ideal for lumberjacks and woodsmen. All first level Foresters receive an ability to identify pnts and animals, some fighting ability, and the ability to avoid getting lost in any forest or woodnd area. Foresters receive experience by killing dao the forest and from profitably using its resources.

  “What about after first level?” I asked.

  The Seductress css is ideal for courtesans and the promiscuous. All first level Seductresses receive the spell Charm, which allow them to sway other beings against their better judgment. They also receive a passive ability that makes them more attractive to members of the opposite sex, and a bonus to Charisma. Finally, they gain a special Backstab ability, allowing them to do extra damage on unsuspeg targets, and further extra damage if the victim is sexually aroused. Seductresses get experience for sexual activity, and for using their sexuality to gain advantages in other spheres.

  “I didn’t ask about that,” I said aloud.

  firm your choice of Seductress (Y/N).

  “Um, no. I didn’t say I was choosing that.”

  You are now a first level Seductress. See your main dispy for further information.

  What the heck?

  It turns out that I access your system dispy, even if I ’t do anything with my body. The one you’re using.

  “Warrior would have been useful, dammit. Whatever happeo sying enemies, I thought you were into that? And why didn’t I get any experience for killing the zombies?” Out of the er of my eye I saw the girls looking over at me with some . I probably sounded like a raving madman, and I was indeed pretty pissed off.

  Hey, I’m trapped here, I might as well make my life more eaining. Lean into the whole dirty old man thing. Besides, Dimension Step and Backstab. See the synergy? Lots of demons who Dimensioake up rogue csses. Besides, Seductress is a prestige css, like Neancer. Not something your ordinary whet.

  I really, really wished I could strangle Enash right then.

  Abby Thorson

  Species: Demonic Futanari / Human

  Css: Neancer / Seductress

  Level: 1

  Strength: 10

  Dexterity: 8

  Intelligence:8

  Wisdom: 7

  Charisma 11

  Health: 15/20

  Mana: 65/81

  Endurance: 23/30

  Experience for Level: 997

  Innate Demonic Ability: Dimension Step

  Innate Seductress Abilities: Back Stab (Seductress version), Special Attra

  Spells: Life Drai Magiimate Lesser Undead, Charm Person

  I immediately noticed that my name was now ged. Well, I guess there was no reason for the system dispy to think of me as Abel, given that it didn’t work oh anyway. Apparently the blow on my arm was signifit as far as health was ed. And I still hadn’t gotten any experience points for the zombie fight. I looked at my new abilities.

  Charm Person: Sways an individual se being to like you more, and a your i against its better judgment. It will be receptive to suggestions, although it will not necessarily obey them. If it is capable of being sexually attracted to the Seductress, it will bee signifitly more so. Being must be able to see ahe caster. es mana.

  Special Attra: All individuals of the opposite sex have increased sexual attra to the Seductress if they sense her with any of their senses.

  That retty heteronormative. And what ted as opposite sex to a futanari? Everyone, or no one? I wasn’t going to use some mind trol power to get people into bed with me.

  Backstab (Seductress version): A expeg an attack from the Seductress will take double damage from any attack she makes. Anyone sexually aroused will take triple damage.

  Charm them, turn them on, and then kill them. There was synergy there, alright, but it was an evil synergy, just like the Life Drain, Animate Dead bo.

  Xy was at my side, toug my shoulder softly aing her chest brush my good arm. Just letting me know she was there, I guess, without interrupting.

  I smiled at her. “I’m okay,” I said, not sure I was. I issed, although definitely not at her. Enash’s “I know something you don’t know” bit with the tents of the bag was ohing. Him choosing a character css just because he wanted my life to be a more praphic movie for his eai was something else. “Enash is kind of a jerk. He ’t mess with me, so he’s messing with my system dispy.”

  Hey. Right here.

  Xy frowned. “A system dispy is a very private thing. Most races believe that it isn’t even right to talk about what’s there.”

  I nodded. “Well, the’s not.”

  “Did you get the wand?”

  “Yes. It’s an ugly thing with a skull on the end, but apparently it will let me cast my best spell at range, so that’s something. There’s some other stuff, too, but I ’t actually get access to it right now, even though I have it in a bag. It’s plicated. Enash is being a prick.”

  Still right here.

  “You know what else is plicated?” Xy asked.

  I shook my head.

  “You. Me. And Gren.” Xy moved around behind me and ed her arms around me, except that one of her hands ended up on my thighs, just below the skirt, and the other had a handful of my right breast.

  I looked at Gren, who sat lounging up against a tree about twenty feet away, and was watg us.

  “You don’t mind, do you, if I show you off? She thinks I’m lying.”

  A part of me wao be ornery, because Enash robably salivating at the thought of the three of us. Well, if he could salivate, he would be. But that was no reason to deny what I wanted. We’d gotten what we came for — and the Seductress css, even if it wasn’t what I would have chosen, was better than no new css at all.

  “Go ahead,” I said, and Xy lifted my skirt.