We approached the castle gates and were let in by the same guards who saw us out. They only gave a nod of recognition; no fanfare, no announcements, not even a glimmer of excitement to see us alive and well. That was expected, but it still hurt. We were human beings! Kind of! We had emotions and feelings like humans, anyway! Well, it was fine; we were here to see the king.
We were escorted to the throne room and walked in just as the same droning merchant from before was beginning his sure-to-be-longwinded diatribe on hard bread taxes. King Odval made a big show of being delighted to see us again, probably to avoid the bore of decimal point math.
“Lugenhelm! Great spirit! So lovely to see you again! You even came back with the goblin alive! Truly wonderful!” He stood and stretched his arms in a welcoming manner as he spoke, giving the merchant the unsubtle cue to get lost. From his left, the queen sat seated, glaring at me with murderous intent. Athella and Bolshe were missing, but Edvald was standing at his usual perch, eyes locked directly on Mug. He didn’t care about me at all, but he did care about his favorite toy being taken away. His right hand hovered over his sword; if he didn’t get Mug back today, someone was going to pay for it. Probably slowly and painfully.
To my annoyance, Stelheim was also seated in his position as friend of the court. His eyes twinkled as he watched Mug and me walk. I was using my polymorphed legs, and Mug was bearing a dozen or so ingots from the kobold mines. Again, no one commented on my legs; it was really disheartening to have magic and have no one seem to care. The king kept speaking, tone jovial but eyes cold.
“Tell me Lugenhelm, did you have any issues removing the curse on the mine? Those kobolds aren’t really good for anything but dirt work, and I couldn’t exactly spare a royal priest or knights to assist with their responsibilities! But the mana-steel must… well, not flow, but you know. Must come from the ground in a non-stop manner!” The king was not particularly known for his intellect. I thought about giving him an earring of messaging, but thought better of it. I wasn’t sure if a direct line of contact was really what I wanted to give this petty tyrant. Instead, I shot a note out, which the annoying guard from before caught and began to read.
“It says, ‘Great King Odval, I have been to your mana-steel mines and slain the curse-bearer! I mean, it was just a fume wyrm, and I’m sure a powerful warrior such as yourself or the Prince Edvald could have handled it, but I am happy to assist such a noble family!’ Oh, so it was no big deal then, eh? Just a fume wyrm?” The king crinkled his nose at my contempt. I hadn’t meant to come off so… well, contemptuous, but after speaking with the kobolds I couldn’t help it. Here was a man with all the resources of the world at his fingertips, but he couldn’t be bothered to help those who let him live in luxury, even though it would allow him to stay in his position. The king responded coldly.
“Is the Lugenhelm trying to say something clever? That perhaps I am not a warrior capable enough to defeat a fume wyrm? Me, the wielder of Drakebreaker, slayer of dragons? Or rather, that I am a lazy ruler?” I was in hot water already. I spat out another note, this time with hopefully less venom.
“It says, ‘Not at all your highness! Just a reminder that even the enemies of Aeternia who would do you harm are not even up to the task! That was what we celestials called a “backdoor compliment”! Maybe it hasn’t caught on here yet? In any case, what I meant was the fume wyrm—that you definitely could have handled but are too busy and royal for—has been handled!’ Good recovery, this one.” I will kill this guard one day, even if I have to Steam Shot him a thousand times. The king sniffed and sat back down.
“Good, good. Well, are my mines working again? We have quotas to meet, you know. No one gets paid for doing nothing.” The irony of a king telling someone that no one is paid for not doing work was apparently lost on the royal court. In response, Mug stepped forward timidly, head down as he carried the ingots to the throne room. He tripped over his own feet twice before he managed to make it to the throne and scamper back towards me. I noticed that while he had been a few inches taller than my four-foot body when we left the kobold camp, he was now as short as he had been when I first met him. I wonder if that had anything to do with Edvald glaring daggers at him.
The king inspected the ingots one by one, then had a guard pass them to Stelheim. Stelheim stared at them intently, then bit one gingerly before placing it to his ear and listening for a moment. He broke off this display to smile broadly.
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“Oh, great King Odval, it appears this is genuine mana-steel! As promised, the Lugenhelm delivers! A Lugenhelm always finishes the mission, as we say in Germanen. Rejoice! The spirits of the house of Freise are as mighty as its rulers!” Stelheim spoke with a theatricality that would put Broadway actors to shame, but the king seemed to eat it up. He had a look of smug satisfaction plastered on his face.
“Very well then! Job well done, congrats all around, you know. Spirit of house Freise! You have served me well, and for that I shall grant you a request, being as I am a great king! Top five is what I think you said, but who remembers such details? Anyway, ask away of your king! Though, I’m sure as a spirit sworn to protect me, there is nothing you could really want from me other than the opportunity to serve—” I cut him off with a hasty note. No way was I tying myself to this family any more than I had to. Besides, when he had said I got a royal request, my mind had slowed and worked double time.
The obvious ask was for some rare item of power to eat, but that was a no-go. Even if it gave me twenty levels, I felt in my steel that it wouldn’t be enough to secure my safety. My next thought was for a royal title and position; that was even worse than asking for a rare item. That meant I had to spend time here with Malbella, Edvald, Bolshe, Stelheim, and the king himself. No thanks. There was no way I would be allowed in my old courtroom position; Malbella would throw me into a volcano the first chance she got, and that would be that. No, what I needed was a safe space of my own, far enough from the court to not make me the go-to problem solver, but not so far that it seemed I was trying to shirk my duty. I needed a base of operations. My mind went to the dilapidated buildings on the outskirts of town. Surely no one here was traveling that far to kill me, but it was still within the realm of the city. I shot my note.
“‘Actually, there is one thing I would request, your majesty! I couldn’t help but notice homes and buildings in need of repair on the outskirts of this great city! I don’t know what Stelheim has told you in the last day, but Lugenhelms, once materialized, are drawn to areas of need! And also, Lugenhelms, once revealed, cannot stay too close to the court! It messes with the, you know, celestial rulebook? Like, I am here to help, but if it becomes a situation where you’re asking me to pass the sugar or to nip down to the kitchen and grab a quick bite, I will be recalled back to my own realm! And I’d really rather stay here as long as possible, so I do not want the temptation to be there!’” There was a long pause as the king digested my hasty lies. He steepled his fingers in front of him in a way that I’m sure he thought looked smart.
“Very well. I am a gracious king, and frankly, property values on the outskirts could use raising. I want to put a gladiator pit there one day, charge good money for some old-fashioned blood sport. You know, debtors to the crown hitting each other with sticks before we let a lion loose… fine, alright then. The Lugenhelm will be given a building on the outskirts of town at his discretion. Do not worry if there is something there already; they’re all monsters there mostly, or poors, which is worse. But, you will come when summoned and defend the house of Freise! Are we clear?” I was already answering him.
“It says, ‘Understood! I wouldn’t have it any other way! I am only moving further from you so that I may serve you longer! If it were up to me, I’d strap myself to your back and only get off for showers and sleep! But it’s not! Can’t go against the rules! But thanks! Really appreciate it! Shows a lot of noblesse oblige? I think?’ Well, that sorts out neatly for the Lugenhelm, don’t it?” It really did. I wasn’t going to evict anyone, but it would be nice to have my own space. The king waved his hand to signal our meeting was over, and Prince Edvald stepped forward, pointing directly at Mug.
“I believe you borrowed my servant, Lugenhelm, and while I am grateful, I will unfortunately need him back. Come now, Mug, I have new trainings for you to do! The kind befitting your new celestial friendship!” The venom in his voice couldn’t be clearer if he were a cobra. As Mug dutifully began to step forward, eyes down and shoulders hunched, I knew I couldn’t abandon my new friend to his fate with Edvald. The chatty guard caught my note.
“‘Oh, and one more thing. The goblin has grown on me; he makes a good meat shield, and he’s pretty good at hauling me around in this form too. Might I have him as a squire? It would really mean a lot to me. Good help is hard to find, you know.’” Edvald began to protest, but the king spoke over him.
“What, the goblin? Yeah, sure, take him. Edvald can get another goblin. Edvald! Just go get a new goblin! Anyway, I tire of this. I have spoken, and it shall be so!” He clapped his hands to dismiss me, and Edvald glared. Well, there was another enemy to add to the list. Mug bowed deeply and I did the trashcan equivalent of a curtsy before turning and scurrying out the door. We had survived not only a fume wyrm, but also an audience with the king. It looked like my luck was finally turning around!
Which is how I should have known that it wasn’t.