The new female spider pounced on Aranya as quick as a cat on a mouse. She was smaller (which, considering Aranya’s build, was expected), but also quick and lithe. Her hair was a pale, almost white blonde, and her spider carapace was more of a light grey than Aranya's jet black. She jabbed twice with her forelimbs, trying to impale Aranya on her razor sharp claws. Aranya dodged with seemingly little difficulty, rearing back and retaliating with blinding speed. With little fanfare and a blur of movement, Aranya had the challenger pinned beneath her on the underbrush, one clawed leg directly at her throat.

  Aranya’s face was a mask of predatory joy, and I held my nonexistent breath as I waited for her to finish the job. Only… it never came. After what seemed like an eternity, she let out a heavy sigh and released her grip.

  “You know what? This is exactly what I wanted to talk to you about. Get up, daughter. Here, take this crown. Congratulations, a new queen is born.” She took off her silver tiara and placed it on the bewildered female’s head. The girl scuttled backwards, hands up in a fighting stance, eyes wild with confusion.

  “What kind of treachery is this? You would not fight me with honor? You would run from me in shame?” Aranya laughed, then reared up on her hindlegs, her massive shadow completely covering the smaller female. It was easy to be distracted by Aranya's "generous proportions", but underneath that I could see muscle flexing. Her spider body was equally impressive, perhaps twice as large as the female caught underneath her gaze.

  “Hardly, daughter. Even injured as I am now, I could tear you limb from limb and eat your guts ten times over. Don’t you get it? That’s the problem!” She let out an exasperated sigh and walked over to my carriage.

  “I killed my own mother so many years ago; some days I forget what her heart tasted like! I’ve ruled longer than any queen I know of, and I know a lot. Do you know how many upstart challengers I’ve feasted on these many years?” The challenger shook her head slowly.

  “Neither do I! That’s the problem! After a while, it all became too easy! Order the males around, kill the newly emerged females once they got the silk to challenge me, feast on the corpse, mate and lay a clutch, repeat. For years! It’s all so… so boring!” She sighed again, crossing her arms over her chest.

  “But today… today I felt something I haven’t felt in years. I thought I would die today. I really did! When I was falling to the water, I thought that was the end of my rule—and I was happy! To finally die in combat like I was supposed to, instead of ruling a bunch of moronic males until I passed of old age because my daughters are failures! I want excitement! Action! And I can’t get it here, not anymore!” She turned to face me.

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  “Lugenhelm. Do you often get into life-or-death fights with strange enemies you do not know if you can overcome?” I thought for a moment.

  ‘Twice in the last week. Is that a lot?’

  "Apologies, Master Lugenhelm, I believe you are forgetting the ratkin." I thought for a second, then realized he was right. I was only counting the fume wyrm and the adaptive guardian.

  'Ah, Mug is correct, three times in the last week. Seems like a lot when you count it out, doesn't it?'

  She sucked her teeth in excitement, her face flushed.

  “Yes, I think it does. Daughter, take my crown. I quit. I abdicate, step down, run away, whatever you want to call it. I’m leaving with this bucket and the goblin. Maybe out there I can find a worthy challenge. Enjoy being queen; by my count, there are thirteen false males waiting to emerge and take your crown. My advice? Kill them before they cocoon—you’re not a great fighter, no offense.” She crawled onto the back of my carriage. The small, new queen just stood and looked confused.

  “So you’re really… really leaving? I’m the new queen? Me, Silvina, queen? Queen, am I?” Apparently, this information was too much for her brain. She probably hadn’t planned past the attempted murder stage, bless her heart. Aranya settled in against the carriage, her weight causing the wood to creak.

  “That’s right. Queen am you. Congrats to you, Queen Silvina of the Nightweave, First Among Mothers and Womb of Night and any other fancy titles you want to give yourself. Enjoy it! Or don’t! Doesn’t matter to me, I quit!” She tapped on the side of the carriage.

  "But...what do I do? I mean, what happens now? Who decides if the title is acceptable or not? This is...this is all too sudden! It's wrong! You're suppsed to either kill me or be killed, not just run off with some bucket and goblin! This is against the rules!" Poor Silvina was having a hard time adjusting her expectations to her reality. Sure, she wanted to be queen, but what she really wanted was tradition and stability. It just didn't feel earned wearing a crown with no blood on it, I suppose. Aranya snorted dismissively.

  "Don't you get it daughter? You decide. That's what a queen does. Quick, before I go-- tell me something you've always wanted to be called. Come on, while I'm in a good mood! Tell me!" Silvina stuttered for a second, her hands wringing in front of her and her eight eyes downcast. Finally she managed to get the words out.

  "Silvina, Mistress of Darkness and Matriarch of Madness. Only, I always thought it might be a bit much. Do you think it is?" Aranya shrugged.

  "Yes. But who cares what I think? You're queen now. Queen Silvina Mistress of Darkness and Matriarch of Madness. Goodbye, daughter. Don't be afraid to kill a few males just to show whose boss. Then a few more, you know, so they don't think you're too gentle. You know, for the noblesse oblige of it all." I was sure that wasn't the correct usage of 'noblesse oblige', but Silvina nodded sagely as if she understood so I let it slide. Aranya rapped on the side of the carriage to show me she was done mentoring her daughter.

  “Let’s go, Lugenhelm! Take me somewhere interesting! Take me someplace dangerous!” I signaled Mug to start the carriage again. He turned in his coachman’s seat and waved to Queen Silvina, who was stroking the crown with a confused look.

  “Good luck, newest Queen Silvina! Perhaps next time do not scream your attack! Enjoy eating your enemies!” Dazed, she merely waved back.

  With that we set off, plus one retired queen.