Chapter 4: Slime Trouble (03)

  "Ahhh! Where am I?!"

  "Calm down. You're in the infirmary."

  "I ’t feel anything below my waist! What happeo me?!"

  "Ah, don't get agitated. Listen carefully. You’ve sustained serious damage to your lower body. In other words, you’re now... uh... impotent."

  "I'm not impotent, you bastard!!"

  Dane, who had been yelling at his peers ag out their skit beside him, quickly fell silent as his anger faded.

  "Ughhh…!"

  Perhaps he used too much for his lower body while shouting, as Dane clutched his groin and colpsed again. His panions, seeing this, ughed even harder and tieasing him.

  "Hic."

  Having heard about this amusing ioo te, I arrived to find my bunkmates’ anti full swing. Their ridiculous behavior was on full dispy because we all shared the same dorm.

  Dane was sitting there with his pants off, c his groin with a wooden cup—a truly pitiful sight. But I couldn’t help my curiosity about how things had gotten to this point. Grabbing the trembling Dane, I asked him:

  "What happened? Did a slime chew you up?"

  "You say scary things so casually!"

  "Then what happened?"

  Surely, he didn’t get like this from... pying with a slime inappropriately, right? But I’d used slimes myself before and never had an issue. They’re small enough to hold in your hand, incapable of melting anything substantial, and usually only dissolve bugs or debris.

  "I’ll expin."

  The door to the infirmary’s medie room creaked open, and out came the doctor. His disheveled hair, unshaven beard, and weary eyes were unmistakable. His slightly pointed ears, though not fully elven, and the faint smell of straw hi his half-elf heritage.

  It ahe half-elf doctor in charge of the infirmary.

  "To put it bluntly, this happened because of inappropriate sexual activity involving a slime."

  At his words, many of my panions flinched and instinctively touched their teens.

  ‘These idiots… Is this all they think about?’

  "Most trainee knights are idiots who only know how to swing swords, but I hought I’d see one admitted here because of something so absurd."

  Typically, knights ended up in the infirmary due to training injuries or fistfights. However, roup was known for its camaraderie, so there had been no such cases of infighting.

  ‘Did they bond so well by… sharing inappropriate materials?’

  As I pohis, one of the guys raised his hand to ask a question.

  "Is it dangerous to let your body touch a slime?"

  "Isn’t that on sense? Even a non-knight would know to avoid direct skin tact with slimes."

  "But small slimes aren’t dangerous, right? They don’t sting your hands when you touch them."

  "And aren’t small slimes ofteo dirt off things?"

  Pandel sighed deeply.

  "You fools! Do you even uand what it means when people say slimes dirt?"

  "They make things ?"

  "No, you idiots! They’re alkaline!"

  At the word "alkaline," all the trainee knights exged fused looks.

  "Alkaline? What’s that?"

  "Is it a super-strong holy knight?"

  Pandel smacked his chest in frustration.

  "That’s the kind of thing schors learn, not knights!"

  "Must be o be ignorant, you morons!"

  Despite Pandel’s exasperatioood tall with pride. After all, knights don’t o know these things—unless our lives depend on it.

  "If acids burn the flesh, alkaline substances dissolve it. Small slimes are alkaline, which allows them to dissolve small bugs or corpses they absorb."

  "Ohhh..."

  We vaguely uood—slimes were like acidies, but with a different property.

  "In any case, small slimes aren’t safe. If you rub one against sensitive skin for long periods, what do you think happens? Especially for over an hour?"

  "What happens?"

  "The skin breaks down and bees so tehat even fabric rubbing against it causes unbearable pain. That’s why these idiots had to remove their pants."

  Hearing this, Dane and his panions looked devastated.

  "How we train like this? Doctor Pandel, isn’t there a cure…?"

  "There isn’t one. In a few days, scabs will form, and you’ll heal naturally. Until then, you’ll have to keep wearing those cups under your pants while running drills."

  ‘That’ll be quite the spectacle.’

  "Anyway, that’s the situation. Anyone who smuggled slimes into the dorm should dispose of them immediately. If anyone decides to take the risk and ends up here, I’ll personally remove the affected area."

  In other words, he’d cut it off. At those words, everyone silently nodded, clutg their teens.

  Of course, I was an exception.

  ‘Why didn’t anything happen to me?’

  After receiving first aid, the three idiots returo the dorm, walking sideways like crabs because of the wooden cups. I ughed so hard watg them that I felt my sides would split.

  "Ahahahaha! Oh my god, this is killing me!"

  "You of all people shouldn’t be ughing, you bastard!"

  "But it’s just too funny! Three of you waddling sideways like crabs—it’s too much!"

  I was ughing so hard that tears welled up, but they couldn’t retaliate properly. Resighey returo their spots, grumbling.

  "What did you do with the slimes?"

  "Of course, I used it only ond threw it away fiene reasons."

  If you care so much about hygiene, you probably shouldn’t even sider using a slime for 'that' purpose... Hmm, though I’m not in any position to criticize.

  "Ugh… It hurts… Every time I speak, my stomach tenses, and it throbs…"

  Something had been b me for a while.

  "e to think of it, Dane, you’re a whole head taller than us. Are you using the same-sized cup?"

  "What? No wo kept toug the edges!"

  Suddenly, Da up, enduring the pain in his lower body, and found a rge water teen. He proudly pced it over his crotch as if to boast about his size.

  "Figures. It was hurting because the cup was toug me."

  Not to be outdohe other two also grabbed rger tainers, with one even pig up a bucket to cover himself. Naturally, Dane followed suit again.

  "Cut it out, you idiots!!"

  Only after I yelled at them did they stop their ridiculous petition and lie back down, groaning.

  "Ugh… It’s so unfair… The guy who e the most is pletely fine!"

  "Is he lying to mess with us?"

  "Are you sure you actually used a slime for 'that'?"

  "I did! But now that I think about it, why am I the only one okay?"

  It seemed the slime I had picked up wasn’t an ordinary one.

  "Does this guy have a steel… you know..."

  "Yeah, steel down there."

  "To survive even 'that', he’s not human anymore."

  "Steel! Steel! Steel!"

  Though the ting sounded like praise, it left me feeling oddly annoyed.

  ‘Well… I guess the real reason I’m fine is because of this particur slime…’

  As I stroked the slime inside my water bottle, my curiosity about its nature only deepened.

  "Ugh… It hurts…"

  "I ’t sleep…"

  "Eveing aion makes it hurt more…"

  Because of their stant groaning, I had to spend a sleepless night with my eyes wide open.

  ‘I swear, I’ll never share any crazy ideas about 'that' with these idiots again.’

  ---

  It took the three of them a full week to recover.

  When they were in pain, even a mild ere felt like it would cause them to explode, so they banned all dirty talk. But ohey healed, they swaggered around with groins smelling of medial herbs, enthusiastically discussing the "ultimate methods" for self-pleasure.

  It wasn’t just my dorm. The other dorms were no different. The topiaturally shifted to reting the infamous slime escapade from the previous week.

  "It really was amazing. There’s a reason I kept it going for over 40 minutes."

  Thanks to Pindel’s lecture about alkaline properties, we knew how lucky they were that their… equipment hadn’t dissolved. Especially Dane, whose slime was rger and likely more alkaliing 40 minutes with it was impressive—or insane.

  "How was it?"

  "Was it better than the real thing?"

  "How would I know what that’s like? Are you a traitor or something?"

  Ah, by the way, we had an unspoken rule among us.

  Anyone who had slept with a woman was sidered a traitor to our brotherhood—a corrupted, tainted individual unworthy of our camaraderie.

  Luckily, no traitors had emerged among us.

  Not that it stopped us from desperately hoping for the opportunity to bee the first "traitor."

  ‘Holy, if I ever got the ce… Hmm.’

  Not that it mattered. None of us seemed likely to get su opportunity in our lifetimes.

  "Maybe not better than the real thing, but definitely better than using your hand. Especially the slime’s texture—it’s firm aic. If you cut into its outer yer just right, it feels cool at first…"

  "Yeah? Then what?"

  "Then… it feels good."

  As expected, Dane was terrible at expining things. Even after experieng somethiraordinary, he couldn’t articute it properly.

  "Ugh… I kind of want to try it."

  Despite their curiosity, no one was reckless enough to risk another i after Pindel had explicitly threateo castrate anyone caught using a slime again.

  It wasn’t worth risking your manhood over.

  Safety first, eve es to 'that'.

  "Alright, enough about slime. I’ve got somethier."

  Grinning mischievously, Dane pulled out a wooden crate that had been delivered to him.

  "What’s that?"

  "Don’t be shocked."

  Dane ripped the nails from the crate with his bare hands—unsurprising given his bear-like strength—and ope. Inside was a single book emitting a sulfuric smell.

  "What the heck is this?"

  "A demon summoning book."

  "Are you insane?"

  What kind of trainee knight buys a demon summoning book?!

  "What are you even pnning to do with that?"

  With plete fidence, Dane decred:

  "Imagine if we could summon a succubus!"

  "SU!"

  "CCU!"

  "BUS!"

  Our entire dorm erupted in unified excitement. Well, except for me, who cut in to say:

  "If you get caught summoning demons iraining grounds, you’ll be expelled immediately."

  One of the other trainees chimed in with the only sane question in the room:

  "Then how do you pn not to get caught?"

  I answered on Dane’s behalf:

  "We just have to make sure no one finds out."

  "Exactly!"

  And so, we began our preparations to gather the materials.

  Yes, after the slime fiasco, our goal became summoning a succubus.