??????’s Perspective

  “… with both sides withdrawing from the field mere minutes before the annou of ceasefire. Prime Minister Carvat has promised ao the war by winter, having stated that no more of Pitrak’s people should suffer over nd that was never ours to begin with.”

  I stared at the radio, the paperwork on my desk as untouched as the cup of cold tea I’d fotten about an ho. It wasn’t fair. Thousands were dead, thousands fighting in a stupid war that gained us nothing, even if we’d won.

  A throat cleared behind me and I turo see my boss, Mr. Wrinta, looking down at me with in his eyes. “Dawnlight, you’ve barely gotten any work done in the past week. I didn’t want to say anything, but I’ve heard y out back during your breaks.”

  “I’m sorry sir, I’ll foy-”

  “Stop.” He cut me off. “I lost my son to this war two years ago. I know grief when I see it. Why didn’t you ask for time off? You think anyone here would bme you for it?”

  I felt my eyes betray me, tears sliding down my cheeks. “It was, it was just an old friend. I hadn’t even seen her in years.”

  “But you believed you would again one day.” He hesitated, the awkward old man not used to emotional dispys. But he rested a hand on my shoulder. “I uand. I think everyone here has lost someone important to them by now. Go home, let yourself hurt. Don’t e batil week, okay? And talk to someone about her. It helps, even if it doesn’t feel like it at first.”

  Nodding, I stifled a sob. It took me a few breaths to get myself under trol before I could respond. “Thank you sir.”

  He nodded awkwardly and stepped away. He meant well, but didn’t really like iing with people in a non-professional manner. It’s one reason I liked him as a boss, he did right by us and never demanded anything but good work. The shop had no social events, no holiday parties, just ‘do your work and go home’. It was refreshing after an internship with a pce that had some reason to have an office celebration for ohing or another every other week. Which presents a problem when half of the team is w on delicate inscriptions and the other half is having cake and cheering randomly and startling everyone else.

  I pulled my mind away from that, things were ive enough.

  An hour ter I was sitting on a ben an especially rown er of an already poorly tended park. A few minutes passed before someo o me, panting and out of breath.

  “Okay, what-, what’s-…” She held up a hand a herself breathe before trying to tinue. “Okay, what’s the emergency?” I turo look at the woman with messy red hair and over sized gsses. She held her breath. “Gods, how long have you been g?”

  I shrugged. “About eight days.”

  She reached over and squeezed my hand. “You got a letter.” It wasn’t a question. Peri had received one herself just st year, her older sister.

  “You asked me once, why I love this bench, in this park, despite it being… like this.” I smiled slightly, a fond memory bubbling up. “The bench is a bit rusted, one of the legs was repced and it’s hahers but doesn’t match quite right. Her chair-” I sobbed so suddenly that it shocked me out of the grief for a moment. “Her chair was one she salvaged from a junkyard, mioo. We had this crappy little room above a repair shop where we worked after we grew out of the orphanage.”

  I felt Peri’s arms around me and she pulled me close. “She got most of-” I sobbed again, this time it just kept ing. I couldn’t even finish speaking. All of the hurt that had built up for days poured out against my friend’s shoulder.

  I don’t know how long it sted, time meant nothing to my grief. But eventually my tears slowed and my sobbing stopped. Peri, my dear friend, just let me cry and said nothing.

  “She meant everything to me.” Once my voice returned, I spoke words I’d not even said to myself. “She worked herself to the bone for my sake. She got me my work with our town’s scribe. She got the Lord to send a letter of reendation to the capital to train in inscription. She did so mue.” I felt the guilt seeping into my heart again. “And then she was drafted.”

  Peri’s hand stroked my back softly, f me. She remained silent.

  “Eight days ago I got a letter. I guess she still had me listed as her of kin. Her unit was ambushed weeks ago, no survivors. It was so far out in the wilds that by the time they found the battle, demons had-.” I swallowed and shook the image from my mind. “I don’t even have a body to say goodbye to.”

  The silence lingered after that, I had no idea what else to say. Peri did, though. “What was she like?”

  I ughed, I couldn’t help it. “Stupid. Clever, don’t mistake me, but stupid. She thought I wouldn’t realize all of the ugly things she did for me. She thought I didn’t know that she gave me the better food. She thought I didn’t know that she spent more time in the junkyard than she said. She thought I didn’t know she hated men and whored herself out anyway so I wouldn’t have to.” I sniffled. “I’ve always felt shitty about that. She did so many ugly, painful things for me, and all I did was thank her ahe better food and work the kinder job and sleep on the softer bed.”

  “You don’t e across as a selfish person to me. Why did you do that?”

  “Because, I couldn’t say no to her. No matter what, I couldn’t say no. Wheold me to just accept the better work a her keep doing her own? I just nodded. Wheold me to eat my food and not pin? I ate and smiled. Wheold me to let her go off to die in war and to move to the capital and have a happy, fortable life? I nodded and cried a her die.”

  “That wasn’t your fault. If you want to bme someone, bme the Empire for f us to piss off Uvtrayl. Bme the generals for throwing lives away for some asshole elf on a throne on airely different ti. Bme Uvtrayl for firing the shots that started the war. You did not get her killed. Do you hear me?” She sounded almost angry. I imagine she was. She bmed herself for her sister for a while, not in any way that made se-…

  That’s it though, isn’t it? Hurt removes sense. Grief makes everything wrong.

  “You know, we used to dance. After we both finished w for the day, we’d e home and the shop keeper’s radio would py well into the evening as he worked in his ba downstairs. We danced after dinner, almost every night. Gods, I never felt so warm, so happy, as I did in her arms.”

  “Then you have a duty.” I sat bad looked at her in fusion. “She did so much to help you get a better life, to live happily. So that’s what you o do. For her.”

  A tear streaked down her face. She eaking to herself about her sister as much as she was to me. I nodded slowly. “I… I haven’t sent off her nter.”

  “We do that together if you like.”

  Evening came and the sun slowly set behind the forest. Peri and I stood by a ke a mile from the city. A dozen or more others stood with us, most holding a paper ntern, most g like I was.

  A priest stood on a small ptform, his tone somber. He spoke but the words were lost to me. I khem, I’d been here for Peri, but I could not hear them now. After a brief sermon, he called people up, one grieving group at a time. They gave the name of the lost, and lit the o see them off.

  Eventually I stepped forward and my voice caught in my throat. The priest atient, the others were patient, everyone khis ce of hurt. Peri squeezed my shoulders and I caught myself.

  “Lietri Dawnlight. I see you off, may the gods give you pead guide you across the river.” Somehow I mao speak the words without faltering. The priest nodded and I lit the ntern. Moments felt like ay before it rose from my hands, drifting into the air to joihers, a guiding light for those who have passed that they might find their way from this world and on to the .

  Peri stayed with me that night, making sure I was okay. I wasn’t, but maybe I would be. We stayed up te talking about Lietri and Peri’s sister. Telling embarrassing stories, happy stories, sad ones, and g together. I thank the gods I met Peri when I moved here, I don’t think I would have made it otherwise. She was the best friend I could ask for.

  In the eh passed out on the couch together o ay bottle of wine.

  Lietri held me close as we swayed to the musiing from the shopkeeper’s workshop, slow and sweet. This was the best part of the day. The moments when she held me close, whispering her love for me. We would be wed soon, aher off us could wait.

  “But this isn’t how it happened, is it?”

  The voice owerful, beautiful, dangerous. “Lietri love, did you hear that?” Silence. “Lietri?” I looked up and Lietri was gone. I was dang with no one. Our apartment had vanished and I was standing on the mossy bank of a creek. “What? Lietri!?”

  “I’m so sorry little one, but she’s gohe voice spoke again and I turo face it.

  I fell to my kears streaming from my eyes and my heart rag as divinity revealed itself to me. I don’t think I am capable of accurately describing what I saw. It was the entire universe lit up like fireworks and at the same time a tranquil river flowing through a flarden while also lips on my ned hands squeezing my legs and the ughter of loved ones long lost and those yet to e all dang in my mind.

  Eyes like eight poiars looked me over, a hand reached out aly wiped my cheek, my tears twinkling on her skin that was the night sky made flesh. Small lights fshed ihuorm she wore as hair. “Today is a day for tears, isn’t it?”

  “Y-you’re… what are you?”

  “A goddess.” And I knew she told the truth. This was a dream, but real, and she was a divine being visiting me in my sleep.

  “Wh-what, what do you want with me?”

  “Things are happening in your world, little one. Important things, even fods. I have a task for you.”

  I froze in fear, Pitrak’s churches were all of the Golden Temple of Light. They were not antagonistic to other faiths and it’s not like there were legal punishments for practig a different religion, but there were often social repercussions.

  “Calm yourself, Tendri Dawnlight. I am not asking you to worship me. tinue your faith to the Golden. They are not cruel gods. But you are important and will shape your nation’s future.”

  “Me? But, I’m just an assistant inscriber. A fn born orphan. I’m no one.”

  “Lietri did not think so. She believed you to be everything. So much so that she was willing to die for you.” I bit my lip. My heart throbbed in my chest in pain. “This task will help your people and bring peace to the memory of the woman you loved. This I swear on my very being.”

  I only hesitated for a moment. “What I do for her?”