I had a thought several hours ter. A thought that Beaver Valley expanding the walls for the refugees was not as much of a friendly gesture meant to make them fortable as I first believed. Because I knew now that had the city not done so, they wouldn’t need a whole district’s worth of area for them to live in. Most of them would be dead. It was just a practical choice to not have the people seeking safety try to flood the streets and alleys and live iter rather thaorn apart by the creatures that hid iches of forest, or ierways, or in tuhat apparently went deep and spread for miles.

  We hadn’t even found a demon by lund I and Jaina had still almost died at least a half dozen times each. Luvetra and Redagga were like guardian spirits that would swoop in and shred things at the st sed when we failed to protect ourselves, which was ofteood near Jaina, tanking blows and using axe or pistol to kill the beasts that went for our healer. Whereas Luv? I never even saw her, something about to bite or cw ore me would just sprout an arrow somewhere vital or there would be a glint off steel and it’s throat would open suddenly.

  When we first set out I was a bit ed for Luvetra. She looked like a ranger from some historic epic, dark leather that covered everything but her eyes and fingers making up pretty much her entire look. A pair of simple but well cared for short-swords that looked like daggers in her hands were worn on her hips. A bandolier across her chest held several small metal vials not too dissimir to the infusions from the aid kits I’d used ages ago. But the major ‘sneaky woodnd rogue’ vibe she had made me think they were likely poisons of one sort or another. On her back was a short-bow, a sealed quiver secured sideways on her lower back. As impressive as it all was (and as nicely as the leather really atuated her curves if I’m being ho) I did wonder how well the archaic equipment would fare pared to the at least mostly more mear the rest of us were using.

  But when she just vanished into the surroundings once we set out, I uood. Guns would very much be too loud for whatever her stealthy Css and Skills were. Not to mention that the arrows she fired were accurate enough to slip into gaps iural armor of some of the monsters we fought. To be pletely ho, watg Red pummel a massive bear creature with spikes all over it half to death with her shield, then use her pistol to finish the other half, that was impressive and kind of scary.

  Seeing some six eyed boar with teeth the size of my arm suddenly fall over mid charge for no reason and die without having noticed the bdes slig through its side and into its heart? That was fug terrifying. Luv was clearly the more dangerous batant, and that was saying something sidering how well Redagga would just bash enemies aside and break them. She was exactly as people called her, a Wall. Nothing moved her if she wao stay still, nothing pushed past her. Ser things would reach around her shield and hit her sometimes but she nted like a damn tree.

  But Luv was just unseen, unheard, death. Striking with sudden deadly precision with barely a hint to her existence as she did so. ‘WHY IS THIS TURNING ME ON SO MUCH?!’ My mind screamed at one point after a worm/spider/chipmunk hybrid thing dropped dead a few yards near me and Luv appeared at my side a moment ter with a hand on my head.

  She pet me softly as I looked up into her eyes, then winked, and disappeared again. Oh she knew what she was doing to me. It was awkward for her the first couple of times, but after a few more she seemed to enjoy it. It did eventually make sehough. I needed her, in a very clear, very real se must have been a fort after my fuck-up the day before. I was happy to oblige, even giveentially deadly circumstances.

  When we pulled back towards one of the patrolled roads for a break to eat I was already worn out. Sore, tired, embarrassed at a few poor showings where I missed easy shots or fumbled a clip while trying to reload. But also a new issue had decided to emerge. One I wasn’t going to be stupid about this time.

  We ate the food that Wen had packed for us eagerly. Not only had we worked up an appetite hunting monsters out here, but the food was incredible as usual. Red was giving some praise to our Healer, she’d not only proven mostly cool headed when having to heal during a fight thanks to the previously mentioned bear with spikes, but had actually managed a couple of killing shots with her own pistol. Two kills might seem like a lot for a lower level healer, but we had a crate with dozens of ed monster hearts in it to take as proof of kills for bounties. Which I had not even known was a thing before Luv mentio, but hey, more money for the tribe is good.

  I cleared my throat to get their attention after food was fio do that whole not being stupid thing I promised “Jaina, sorry, but my nub hurts like crazy, could you take a look at it?” that got a small smile from her, as she made her way over and got to examining me.

  “Huh, yeah there’s the cause. Bruising and scrapes in an iing pattern on the front… and a different pattern on the back? What the abyss caused this?” she muttered mostly to herself.

  “Kneeling to shoot. It would hurt a bit each time after a bit. It’s why I started going prone instead after a couple of hours, it hurt less.” I told her with a sigh, then looked at Red “Think Brigg e up with some adjustments to help?”

  She chuckled “If she doesn’t know of something already she’ll enjoy figuring it out.”

  Jaina smacked my shoulder “You were in pain and didn’t say anything again?”

  Luv patted the Healer “In bat, some pain happens. Unless it’s seriously debilitating or life threatening you w-wait till you rest for a while safely. She did the right thing this time.”

  I smiled at my giant lover and leaned against her. It was nice seeing her rexed enough that her words were more steady. Having her save my life repeatedly was good couples therapy it seemed. We’d have to do this more.

  Jaina blushed “Oh… Okay that does make sense. Sorry, it’s just-”

  “I know.” I said while reag out and giving her hand a squeeze. “You’re right to be worried about that, all things sidered.”

  We sat bad rested for a bit while Jaina used her healing magie theached my leg. I took the moment to peer at my System notifications. Huh, that was a lot more kills than I thought.

  “Oh damn, I leveled twid didn’t notice. I’m twenty one now and, oh Advas.” I said with a smile. The rest of the group started at nothing, cheg their own Statuses as well.

  Red griwenty nine, fuck yeah.”

  Jaina squeaked “Twenty two! Oh gosh, I heard this was a faster way to gain experiehan just passive css use, but this is so much more than I thought.”

  I turo ask Luv about hers and she was staring off and… g? “Luv? What happened? Are you okay?”

  She looked at me and sniffled, nodding. “I h-hit forty. I… my Adva, it’s…” She let out a small sob. “One of them, it-..” she pulled her hood off to dry her face.

  “Hey, Statuses are private, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.” I told her as I squeezed her hand.

  She shook her head and looked at me “M-my Primary is- or was, Tainted Heart Strider. Uh, it w-was because of… b-being half feral for s-so long and not… you know, h-having people I t-trusted.” She smiled at me then “B-but I just ged it. M-Mended Heart Strider. I think that’s because of y-you and Carmil.”

  I felt my heart leap happily in my chest and I pulled my giant love into a kiss. “If I have mended your heart, then I must also do everything I to keep it that way and fill it with love.” and she squeezed me.

  She kissed my cheek “I h-hope your Adva is g-good too.”

  I smiled and gave a small chuckle “Yeah, maybe something good to repce Survivor. I had a few options at eleven but they seemed…kinda…” it was at that point everyone was staring at me, Redagga in particur seemed somewhat, frankly, horrified. “… what?” I almost thought maybe they were bothered that I was sharing private details so easily to them, but this felt different.

  Red quickly helped Jaina up “We’re going back early today. I need a drink.”

  It felt it smart to keep my mouth shut. I was so bothered by the oppressive gloom that I fot to level up. One we made it back I got put in the yurt with Luv and told to stay and after a few minutes of my nerves eating my brain alive everyone came in all at once. Wen was carrying aire huge keg and Brigga had a crate that she set down and started pulling a bunch of earthenware mugs out of. No one said anything as drinks of some dark golden brew got passed around and then everyo down with me.

  After some awkward silence, Brigga downed her hug, set it aside, then crawled over and hugged me. “Fek… gods that expins so much.” she said as she pulled back. She looked like she was trying not to cry. She nodded and kissed my forehead and pulled back.

  “Okay, someone please tell me what’s going on because I feel like I’m attending my own funeral.” I blurted it out, feeliremely worried at this point.

  Dekarru took a breath “Do you know why people sider System details to be intimate, or private?”

  “Uh, I figure it’s because Csses and Skills are based on who you are, what you do, things you’ve experienced. So it’s like revealing secre- oh gods what does Survivor mean?” I was starting to get the picture of their worry.

  Red spoke up “It means you-… we had, rough childhoods. No, fuck, rough is an insult. You have to nearly die several times and live in horrible ditions for years fog almost entirely on just trying to live one more day throughout most of it. Survivor is…” she took a breath. “I told you I ted. My birth family were not good people. A lot of my scars are from them. They would go weeks fetting to feed me sometimes and I was eating trash, rats, bugs, whatever I could. I ran away when I was fourteen but by then the damage was done and even all the love that my encve family gave me wasn’t enough to erase the mark that was left on me. So when I became an adult, I had Survivor and Guard.” she looked into my eyes “Survivors don’t e from happy pces.”

  I was flicted. “But I don’t even remember anything but a few-…” then I touched my jaw, remembering ‘mother’ pung me. “I, I don’t think it was that… bad?” the ied wound Tendri had to . The disgust I felt at letting some noble man touch me so I could help her, but doing it anyway. Freezing in an alley sharing the remains of a discarded meal with someone important to me. My painfully telling Skills. My high Endurand Willpower even at level ten. Shit.

  I felt Luvetra’s hand on my shoulder and I snapped out of it, but it still left a feeling of disquiet inside me. Luv leaned down and kissed my cheek softly “We’re h-here for you.”

  “Does, does it even matter?” I forced a weak ugh “I’m not Lietri anymore, I’m Esme. Even if I remember some of the, the pain-” my voice caught in my throat so I cleared it “That doesn’t mean I’m…”

  Redagga looked into my eyes “Even if you don’t remember it all. You still act like someone used to accepting suffering. I would know. You don’t have to remember why you behave a certain way to have a cause behind it.”

  “But, I mean it couldn’t have been all that bad, I don’t even have any scars. I just… I pushed myself to take care of Tendri, I know that much. I suffered for her. Maybe more than I thought but-.”

  “You had scars before.” Carmil spoke softly “Before you were ged, you had scars. All over. You don’t remember them but they were there.”

  I shook my head and tried to smile. This wasn’t as big a deal as they were making it out to be. Right?

  Wen grabbed my hand “Why are y to deny this? Csses are the subject of study like everything else. Most base Primary and Sedary csses are extremely well doted and uood. It’s the big reason you don’t talk about that stuff. Just knowing someone’s base css tells you a story about their life. Especially some of the more difficult to acquire csses. Survivor is one of them.”

  I looked down “Because I don’t want this to be an excuse for my behavior. I don’t want you going soft on me ai away with that shit just because you feel sorry for me.”

  Dekarru gave a thoughtful “Hmmm” nodding her head slowly “You are right, it isn’t an excuse. But, at least to aent, it is an expnation. As Weren said, some csses tell a story. Yours tells us that you have suffered, likely alone, for most of your life.” she took a breath “Meaning that while you’re not getting out of this unpunished, we better uand why you did it. Gods, you’re more trouble than Red was.” she huffed and Redagga gave the old woman a silent gre.

  Wen too a breath and nodded “Well, I’ll get the auditorium set up then. Probably take a whole day sidering the mess the st use left. But it’ll be ready in two days. Sound good Dekarru?”

  The seer nodded and grinned. I however was worried now. “What do we need an auditorium for?”

  The shaman smirked “Your punishment. We were just going to be angry longer, let you stew for a week or two. But with today’s revetions I think the timescale and just let it all out at once.” I don’t know for sure what look I was making, but Dekarru ughed “Oh don’t worry, you’ll recover from it fine. You have a personal healer after all.” She chuckled “Of course, you say no and take the longer route tiveness. Either way would be seen as equally worthy. One slower but requiriion and willio dedicate yourself to a long path of redemption. The other… faster, but more painful, more humiliating, a more severe strain on you for a smaller period of suffering.”

  “I’d do anything to make things right again.”

  The shaman’s smile was dht evil at that point. “Good girl.”