I awake, as always, to a tap on my shoulder. Kara stands in front of me with a small smile on her face. Jared and Finn are standing behind her, a satisfied look in their eyes.

  “Morning Blue, welcome home.”

  I’m suspended a few feet above them in a pristine b. My body is decrepit, ptes that have long fallen off y on the floor. I try to move, but find my limbs are attached to a harness, as well as having dozens of seized motors.

  Kara takes a step forward, taking my face in her hands.

  “You fucking idiot.” Someone else’s voice comes from her mouth, and the world fades.

  I’m ying on my back staring at a face with a bright blue sky behind it. My vision locks onto two emerald eyes, focusing only on them. My mind is so ravaged and torn up it takes me a few long seconds to even comprehend what I’m seeing.

  “Cassie?”

  Her face is filled with anger, but her eyes tell a different story. She’s worried. I try to reach up to her, only for my limbs to not respond. I turn my head to Corax, sitting on my chest with just as worried a look.

  “I’m ok.” I let my head drop back onto the sled.

  “You fucking better be.” Cassie reaches behind my head, flipping the switch on my neck and returning my limbs to me. She drops a book into my p and sits back. “Read.”

  “I’m ok.” I try to push myself up, only to find a belt keeping me pinned to the sled. I undo my restraint and turn to Corax, already perched on my shoulder. “Thank you.” I lean into him, and he leans back with his entire body.

  Arms grab me, and pull me into a tight hug.

  “I’m so sorry.” Vince says quietly into my ear.

  “It’s ok.” I close my eyes and let him take some of my weight, not having to worry about my body helps reduce the strain on my mind. “I should have been more careful.”

  The car comes to a quick stop, and Ivy steps out, walking slowly over to the four of us.

  “How are you feeling?” She asks me seriously.

  That’s a good question, how am I feeling? What even happened? The memories threaten to overwhelm my mind, far too much for my ravaged self to deal with. I’d have to entirely stop repairing myself to dissect them. I don’t have to do that right now.

  “Not good enough to answer that question.” I respond after a few seconds.

  “Tell me when you are, so I can yell at you.” Cassie mumbles quietly beside me.

  “I will.” I promise.

  “We’re only a few hours from the Monterey Canyon, we’ll find a pce to rex there for a bit.” Ivy says gently.

  “Ok.”

  “Get better.” Ivy gives me a tap on my shoulder and returns to the car. Even that small sensation rocks my mind.

  “I will.”

  My backpack is just to the side of me, filled with a few hard drives. I’m certain they’re infected, and I’m in no position to fight that thing again. Any important information is in my chip anyway, it’s just supplemental details and books that are stored in there. It’d be safest to just wipe them, but I would like to keep the data.

  “How long was I out?” I ask just as the sled begins to move again.

  “Twenty-four hours.” Vince says.

  “Sorry to make you worry.” I lean further into him.

  “It’s alright, I’m just gd you’re safe.” He squeezes me harder.

  I almost wasn’t. That fact washes across my mind, but I can’t let myself be consumed by it. I don’t have enough open threads to process anything other than what’s happening.

  “I wasn’t sure I’d see any of you again.” I open my eyes and look individually at Corax, and Cassie, trying to show how much I appreciate them. I hope the look on my face is enough, even if I don’t have the words for it right now. When I turn to Vince, I’m met with a rge, swollen bck circle around one of his eyes.

  “Are you ok?” I yell louder than I mean to. Fear springs forth in my mind, I can deal with that. Acknowledge, rationalize, move on. He’s not actively dying, I can wait for a response.

  “I hit myself on the door accidentally.” He says as casually as he can.

  I look deep into his face, something’s wrong here. He’s more careful than that. Is he lying? If my hard drives were still connected I could just reference exactly how his face looked when he lied in poker. For now, I guess I have to accept what he’s saying.

  “Be more careful.” I close my eyes again and return to his chest.

  “I will.” He promises.

  The four of us sit in silence for a few minutes while Corax, Vince, and Cassie let their presence comfort me. Vince is forced to break the silence eventually though.

  “Alright Little Blue, you are a little heavy.”

  “Oh, sorry.” I push myself away from him and sit on my own. It’ll slow down my healing by a tiny bit to control my body, but it’s ok. I’ll have a whole storm to fix myself soon, and I hopefully won’t have to hack anything before then. “How are the others doing?” I change the subject.

  “Surprisingly well.” Vince tells me. “We’ve had to dip heavily into our medical supplies, and especially into our antibiotic stash, but they should all live. We just need to find somewhere that’s willing to take them.”

  “I’m really gd.”

  Vince and Cassie end up making small talk along the drive, and I just let their comforting words wash over me while I work on rebuilding my mind.

  “Help?” Corax’s voice breaks through the silence. He taps on the back of my neck, where my chip sits just under my skin.

  “I don’t think I can handle seeing what I look like right now.” It’d probably be possible to meld without seeing myself, But I don’t want to take that risk. I probably look simir to the Follower of the Scorched Sun member I killed. “Ow!” Corax pulls on my ear before that thought can go any further. “Thanks.”

  Another worry about melding is that the worm might still be hiding somewhere deep in my mind. Melding would certainly infect Corax, and there’s no way he could ever survive it. The only reason I’m safe is because I happen to be organic, I can’t be wiped in an instant.

  A few hours ter the car once again reaches the end of the world. A canyon just as rge as the Grand Canyon is id out before us, although with a much more gentle slope downwards. It carves its way across the ndscape, a great gash in the world.

  The car slows to a stop, and Ivy steps out with her rifle drawn. Issac, the uninjured survivor, takes the wheel. Only a moment ter we’re moving again, entering the canyon.

  The walls are mostly sloped barren rock, far steeper than the sand can comfortably pile up on. Innumerable holes dot the walls, once underground caves that have long since dried out.

  “There’s the smell.” Cassie wrinkles her nose. “Ugh.”

  “Not a fan of fish?” Vince asks while unslinging his rifle and letting it sit in his p.

  “Fuck no.”

  “They didn’t smell much better alive, believe it or not.” Vince chuckles.

  Silence settles over everyone, and I see my chance to ask a question that’s been weighing on my mind.

  “Vince? How should I act?”

  “Be yourself, but I’m not sure it’ll matter.” All the lightheartedness from his joke has drained from his voice.

  “Why not?”

  “Someone nuked San Francisco not long ago.” Cassie says bluntly. “Any survivors fled, and most of them were heading here.”

  It takes me a few seconds to even process her words, and by the time I’m done Vince is already continuing her expnation.

  “Any small vilges that survived the influx of people aren’t going to have beds for us. We’re going to try to find a small, uninhabited cave to hide out in. I know of a few hidden ones that Ivy’s going to check, but it’s been a long time since I was st here.”

  “Where are we going to drop them off then?” I ask, nodding to the car. We can’t bring them with us, I don’t want to be responsible for their deaths.

  “We’ve got a thousand miles between here and the trench Mara’s in. We’ll find somewhere for them.” Vince reassures me.

  “Ok.”

  Only a few minutes ter the car pulls into a side ravine and comes to a stop. A hundred feet in front of us is the half buried mouth of a cave.

  “Cassie?” Vince takes a shooting stance, and Ivy rolls down her window to give further cover.

  Cassie jumps to her feet, knife and gun in hand, and silently runs to the mouth of the cave. She spends a few moments listening before shaking her head and returning to the sled.

  “That pce is packed.” She sits back down, and the car turns around.

  We stop to check a new cave every few hundred feet, and every time Cassie reports they’re occupied. Sometimes they even have guards posted out front, and we keep driving past those.

  Twice Ivy calls back, reporting people on an upcoming ridge. The three of them keep their guns trained on the armed people. Nobody fires, and we make it through.

  Eventually the car stops in front of a crevice that the car might barely be able to squeeze into. Cassie jumps to her feet and creeps up to the edge. She closes her eyes to concentrate on her hearing. After a few seconds she turns the corner.

  “Oh fuck.” Cassie mumbles just loud enough for us to hear. “Sounds like it’s abandoned, but uh, Vince?”

  Vince stands up, and I follow close behind. We turn the corner into a tight crevice. An artificial roof has been constructed high above, and a few crude doors have been carved into the walls.

  In a perfect, tight, circle on the ground are a dozen human corpses that are just beginning to decay. Each one of them has an empty cup pced gently in front of them.

  Don’t process what it means, just look. I’m ok.

  “I’d assume it’s either a suicide cult, or a trap. Maybe both.” Vince sounds weary instead of surprised.

  Ivy steps out of the car and walks up behind the three of us. She takes a long look inside before talking.

  “I can’t see anything.” Ivy steps bravely into the ravine, checking behind the doors one by one. From the little glimpse I get, each one is a small, empty room. “It’s safe.”

  “We should bury them.” The single thought is the only thing repeating in my mind.

  “Yeah…” Cassie nods and keeps looking at the bodies for a few more long seconds. “Yeah.” She turns back to the car and grabs two shovels from the back. She hands one to me and gets to work digging a hole outside the ravine.

  I don’t think I should be doing work like this right now, but there’s nothing that could stop me from helping.

  While the two of us work on digging a long trench along the wall of the ravine, Vince drives the car through the entrance. It’s such a tight fit the metal squeals as it scrapes against the side, leaving behind streaks of paint. The car does make it in though, and the inside is just wide enough to let the doors open.

  Vince comes to help us dig in silence after only a few minutes, and Ivy gets the others settled in one of the rooms built into the wall.

  With the three of us working, it doesn’t take long to dig a grave rge enough for all of them to y side by side. Cassie and Vince end up moving the bodies one by one while I stay out of the way.

  “What do you think their names are?” I ask once they’re all in pce.

  “It’s easier if you don’t think about it.” Vince says. “Anyone have any st words?”

  “They probably deserved better.” I say.

  “I’m sure they did.” Vince tosses the first shovelful of sand onto them, and Cassie and I follow.

  We cover them in a small yer of sand. It’s not nearly deep enough to stop them from getting disturbed, but I’m sure no matter how deep we dig the storm would uncover them eventually.

  I wonder if this makes up even the smallest amount for the people I killed? No, I don’t deserve that.

  JanePtinum