JanePtinum

  Corax and I enjoy our time in our book. Endless, cozy romance in a world long gone. Of course, it can’t st forever, and we finish before the sun comes up.

  It’s bittersweet finishing the book. I’m happy for the girls, but the uncertainty of what comes after looms over my head. Did they stay together forever like they wanted to? Or did their world end up the same as my own?

  I guess their endings can be whatever I want. It just doesn’t feel the same making that decision for myself.

  “That was really good.” I y back on the bed, careful not to disturb Corax’s nest. It’s nice not having to worry about breaking something if I move wrong.

  Corax gives a small nod in response. Or at least I think so. He’s so buried in my sheets I can only tell something is moving.

  “We have the poetry book, do you want to start on that?”

  “No. Boring.” Comes his muffled voice.

  “Right, I should have guessed. What do you want to do then?”

  The endless sheets begin to shift until Corax’s head pokes through.

  “Roof.”

  I hold my hand out for him, and he climbs to my shoulder once he finishes extracting himself.

  The hallways are abandoned this early in the morning, and it’s far too te for even Cassie to be on the roof. We’re alone up here, illuminated by the faint blue dome.

  “Back soon.” Corax stretches his wings and disappears over the desert.

  His body is invisible against the sky. It should be safe to let him fly as long as he’s back before sunrise.

  I lean against the concrete railing of the roof for a minute, feeling the cool air across my skin. I hadn’t realized just how much I missed being able to feel everything, it’s almost overwhelming.

  I take in the sight of the city, the desert, and the few stars visible in the sky. I can’t believe I get to see these sights again.

  “But do you deserve to?” Kara leans against the railing next to me.

  “Please, not tonight.” I’m ok. Corax will be back soon.

  “And let you keep running from reality? How many people died so you could be here?”

  “They hurt Corax. I had to.” Why can’t I keep myself from responding to them? They aren’t even real.

  “And what are you going to do when Vince hurts him?”

  It doesn’t even matter if I respond or not. She knows exactly how to hurt me the most, no matter what I do.

  “He wouldn’t do that.” Right? No, of course he wouldn’t.

  “You’re right, He wouldn’t. He only needs one AI, and you’re far from the best choice.” Kara revels in every word that drips from her mouth.

  “Corax needs me just as much as I need him.”

  “No, Corax needs someone. Someone to dote over, someone to focus on, someone to help. There’s no reason that has to be you.”

  I don’t respond. She’s right.

  “Hell, right now it sounds like Lucas would be a good repcement.”

  “Shut up.” I can’t yell up here. Androids don’t yell.

  “Imagine that, getting rid of you, getting Lucas back, and keeping a far better hacker than you. Wouldn’t that be the perfect outcome for everyone?” She has the rgest, most arrogant grin I’ve ever seen.

  “I said shut up!” I sh out at her, only for her to easily step away from my hit.

  “Good job being quiet.”

  Kara steps around me, patting me hard on my back and knocking me to the ground. I don’t make any effort to stand up. I just have to survive until Corax gets back.

  “Giving up already? How about-”

  A book drops from nowhere inches from my face. A familiar book of poems.

  “I thought I told you to keep this close.” That’s not Kara’s voice. It’s full of concern.

  “Cassie? I’m sorry.” My voice is a shaky mess.

  “It’s fine. Read.”

  “I’m ok.” I slowly push myself into a sitting position against the concrete barrier. “She’s gone.”

  “Where’s the bird?”

  “Corax just wanted to fly for a bit. It’s my fault, I should have known better than to have a nice thought.”

  Cassie sits besides me, just out of reach. After a minute of silence, I realize Cassie isn’t going to say anything. I break the silence instead.

  “What are you doing? You can go back to sleep” I’m ok.

  “Waiting for Corax to come back.” She responds.

  “You don’t have to. I’m ok.” If I keep telling myself that, maybe it’ll become true.

  “Bullshit. You’re not ok, you’re distracted.” There’s a hint of anger in her voice, mixed with something else I don’t recognize. “If I grab my book and leave you’re just going to freak out again.”

  She’s probably right. All I’ve done is run away from my problems. That realization weighs heavily on my mind.

  “But how do I fix myself?” The desperation in my voice is nearly palpable.

  “I don’t know, you’re fucking weird.” Cassie shrugs. “Maybe get your emotions out onto something. Art or journaling or some shit. Worth a try.”

  “I guess I can try that. Do you have something I can write in?”

  “Just ask Vince or Sonia tomorrow.”

  “Ok.”

  Silence settles over us once again. A silence I once again break.

  “How did you know I needed help?” I ask.

  “Heard you scream.”

  “Was I really that loud? Is anyone else going to come check on me?” There are guards in the courtyard, they’re going to come check out the sound. I can’t go downstairs without Corax. Maybe I can hide?

  “Nah. You didn’t call for help, so they don’t care.”

  Cassie sounds incredibly confident in that fact. If someone comes up here she can probably get them to leave. I’m ok.

  “Ok. Sorry I woke you up.”

  “Don’t worry about it. I was awake anyway.”

  “I’m so sorry my reading kept you up! I’ll be quieter-”

  “Rex.” Cassie cuts my apology short. “It wasn’t you. Surgery’s tomorrow.”

  “Oh. Sorry.” I shouldn’t have assumed. “Are you going to be ok?”

  “I’ve done this before.” Cassie knocks on her leg, letting a hollow cng ring out. “I’ll be fine.”

  “Can I help somehow? I have to do some work in Sonia’s garage, do you want me there? Or should I work on myself another day?”

  “Do whatever you want.” Cassie says dismissively.

  “But which one do you want?” I don’t want to just guess what she’s thinking. I’m going to get it wrong.

  “I don’t care. Maybe you can keep Vince company.”

  Right, of course he’d be there.

  “Why do they do surgery in the workshop? That can’t be safe.” I try desperately to change the subject a little bit.

  “Why not? Antibiotics can kill any bacteria that gets in, and Sonia is very insistent that she works better in there.”

  There are so many problems with that, I don’t know where to start. I must be missing something, or Cassie must be simplifying things. As is, that sounds both expensive and dangerous. Maybe she’s not familiar with how operating rooms used to work? Vince could probably give me a better answer.

  “I see.” Thankfully, she doesn’t push me on my obvious disbelief.

  Only a few minutes ter Corax nds on my shoulder from nowhere.

  “Better.” Corax croaks out.

  “Do not leave her alone without a book again.” Cassie pushes herself to her feet without looking at Corax and heads downstairs without another word.

  Corax cocks his head at me, silently asking what happened.

  “It’s nothing.”

  Corax pulls hard on my ear, demanding an answer.

  “Ow! I don’t want you to feel guilty.” Another sharp pain blooms from my ear. “Ow! Ok! I saw Kara.”

  Corax’s entire body slumps. He can barely muster the strength to stand. I grab him and cradle him in my p. I don’t know if pressure helps him as much as it helps me, but it can’t hurt.

  “It’s not your fault. It wasn’t even that bad.” I do my best to reassure him.

  “Liar.” Corax quietly accuses me. He’s right of course, but I can’t just tell him that.

  “No really! It wasn’t nearly as bad as normal.”

  “Stop. Angry soon.”

  Is guilt better than anger? It would probably just result in him biting me, and feeling even guiltier. Why did he have to push it, why didn’t he just listen to me? Although if he did he’d probably just be stuck in some other emotion.

  The worst part is that I don’t even know how to help him. Time will work eventually, but I don’t want him to be miserable for days. Maybe reading to him more will help? I can’t just ask him though, I’m sure his guilt will prevent him from saying yes. I just need to get another book and start.

  “Alright.” I scoop him up in my arms and head downstairs. As much as I don’t want to annoy Cassie any more, I need another book from her. I’ve read the few she gave me, and I think a new book will help Corax the most. I take a moment to gather my courage and knock on the door.

  “What?” Cassie sounds annoyed, but opens the door regardless a moment ter.

  “Sorry, but I need another happy book.”

  Cassie spends a moment looking at her bookshelf without stepping away from the door.

  “Is romance fine?”

  “Yeah, we really enjoyed that st book.”

  She steps away for just a moment, returning with a book. It’s well worn, with several pages nearly falling out. The cover has been bent and creased so many times it’s nearly impossible to read the title.

  “Take good fucking care of this.” I’ve never heard her sound so serious.

  “I’ll be very careful.”

  “You better.”

  Cassie closes the door in my face, and Corax and I return to our room. I gently pce him in his nest, and he immediately digs his way deep into the covers. I settle in next to him to read for this little bit of night time we have.

  JanePtinum