SereneDreamer: So I’m officially deg that I won’t waty more episodes of South Park. Those guys might think that edy has no limits, but I beg to differ. Poking fun at Troy’s rea to the paparazzi is ohing, but making fun of sexual assault is not. I don’t eveo remind you guys that the woman they so crudely depicted in that episode was senteo 33 years in prison. Fuck South Park!

  LunaBliss: I agree wholeheartedly! Troy is spending millions of dolrs every year to save kids from what he had to gh, and these assholes are making a joke about it! Fuck South Park!

  icalScribe: Not to be the devil’s advocate, but the episode was funny.

  TroyFan_88: I don’t think so. Their brand of edy has been going downhill with each season. Now they are res to making fun of kids who are not even 18 yet. Fuck South Park!

  SocialJusticeStan: I think you guys are overreag. It was just a joke. I agree that it was a little mean, but that’s how Trey and Matt work. It’s a parody and it is perfectly legal.

  LunaBliss: Just because something’s been happening in a particur way doesn’t mean it ever ge. In Nazi Germany, atrocities were itted, and they were all ‘perfectly legal’ as well.

  MovieBuffGeek: Damn! Did you have t in Nazi Germany? Although I agree with you guys. Fuck South Park!

  PixelWarrior77: Fuck South Park!

  DarkMatter69: Fuck South Park!

  FireStarter12: Fuck South Park!

  I had not said anything about the episode. At all. Yet, people had seen it and formed their opinions already. Reading my fans’ wave me fidehat I wasirely wrong in doing what I was doing ialiation.

  “Is this thing on?” I looked in the camera while saying that. “Oh well. If it isn’t, I’ll just record another oer. I just retly came across this website called YouTube. I liked it, so I decided to upload this video here rather than go to some news el that will probably edit out important parts from my message. I don’t know if anyone will even watch it, but that’s not important right now.”

  I looked away from the video for a moment. I was hesitant before saying the part because if it came out disho or too rehearsed, my reputation would go dowter.

  Taking a deep breath in, I turned back to the camera and tinued, “Let’s address the elephant in the room. Yes, I saw the South Park episode they made about me. Most of it was good and kinda funny, but there are two points I want to address about it. First, see this ued clip of what happened a few days ago in Los Angeles.”

  I pressed pause for a moment. At this point in the video, I’ll get Evan to add in the clip where the paparazzi took things too far by invading Rihanna’s personal space. I had the video from two different angles, and I had chosen the ohat showed the entire enter from start to end.

  Getting ready for the part of the video, I said in a firm voice, “Now that you’ve seen the full video, let me say this thing: It is not okay to toueohout their permission. Doubly so when a fully grown man in his 30s touches a 17-year-old minding her own business. I am not sorry for my as, and I won’t apologize for defending my girl. You sue me if you want, but that will not ge my stance about it. I will fight you all the way to the Supreme Court if I have to.”

  I paused the rec to take a deep breath. Hopefully, that came out well. I had decided not to script this video to give it more authenticity. I had jotted down the major points that I had to touch, but I didn’t have a full script on hand.

  After taking a breather, I started the rec again, “ing back to South Park, I don’t really have a problem with them making fun of me. In fact, I would say, roast me to hell and back if you want, just keep one important thing in mind: It is not funny to joke about sexual assault.”

  I paused a moment before tinuing, “Let me rephrase: Just because I’m a guy doesn’t make it okay to make a joke about sexual assault. If I was a girl instead of a boy, this episode wouldn’t have been the same. And it’s not like I’m making it up or that it is debatable that I was attacked.”

  I took another deep breath before tinuing, “Matt Stone and Trey Parker, you twreat edians, but you o know what is okay, and what isn’t. If you don’t have the sensitivity about how to broach such a topic, which seems to be the case, visit the website appearing on the s. This is a website to a foundation I started specifically for the victims of sexual abuse, and it also has many articles about what’s okay, and what’s not okay to say to such victims.”

  Now that the b part was dohe vindictive part of my video came . I smiled, “To my fans out there: I know most of you guys are upset with the episode. I have seen your messages online and I’m very touched that you guys are supp me. Unfortunately, I ’t do anything legally to take it down because it is a parody and is protected under free speech ws or some shit like that. However, you guys help me. Fshing on your ss are the personal phone numbers and emails of Matt Storey Parker, the makers of South Park, and Doug Herzog, the President of edy tral. All you have to do is use this information liberally ahe offenders know how much the Trojan Army didn’t like the episode. Peace out.”

  And with that, the camera was turned off for the st time of the day. I had been pnning this for two days. I had been wanting to find a way to get back at Matt and Trey, but couldn’t think of something that would teach them a lesson. That is until Evan joked in passing that I should give their phone o my fans. On the surface, it seemed to be a bad idea, but sharing phone numbers is not sidered an invasion of privacy, thus pletely legal. Just like parodying someone is. If they skirt the w to hurt me, so I.

  I didn't really mind the sexual assault joke that much if I'm ho because I uand that it was exactly that, a joke. I'm just using it because that's the easiest way to attack them publicly, or so my PR and legal team thought.

  With Dad’s es, it didn’t take long to get the required numbers and emails. Let’s just see how devoted my fans are.

  “Seriously? Trojan Army?” Evan, who had been silently watg the ehing, asked with a raised eyebrow.

  I shrugged. “Trojan is anything belonging to the city of Troy. That’s why the Trojan War and Trojan Horse. I think Trojan Army is the perfect moniker for my fans given my full name.”

  Evan gave me a skeptical look. “Are you sure that’s the dire you want to go in? Have you thought of the implications?”

  “What implications?” I asked cluelessly.

  Evan smiled. “No. Nothing. I’m probably overthinking it. Let me edit it for you and then ost it.”

  I felt as if I was missing something but nodded heless. The sooner Evan was doh it, the sooner we could post the video. Thanks to my newly acquired stake in YouTube, I’d make sure that anyone visiting the site or watg some other video would see my video at the very top of their reended list.

  (Break)

  Matt Stone was a very busy man. The success of South Park opened a plethora of opportunities for him and his best friend Trey Parker. Earlier, hardly anyone would take their scripts seriously, but now they had bidding wars going on for their ideas.

  At the moment, he was w on the script for the episode of South Park. Usually, he and Trey would write jokes separately and then e together to crack them at each other’s expehat told them quickly what was a hit and what wasn’t. edy is such a subjective thing that what one person may sider funny could be something mundane for others.

  Right now, Matt was w on this amazing idea about Stology and Tom Cruise’s involvement in it. He just had a feeling that this would be their best episode to date.

  That was until his phoarted ringing. Seeing it was an unknown number and that he was busy writing, he ig. After a few moments, it went to voicemail.

  He went back to writing, but the ph again.

  He ig again.

  After it rang for the third time, he picked it up in frustration.

  “Hello?” he asked, his irritation clear.

  “Is this Matt Stone?” A girl asked oher end.

  “Yes, it is.”

  “How dare you!” She shouted. “Making fun of child sex abuse is not funny, you creepy weirdo! You will die and go to hell!”

  Before the young dy could tinue her tirade, Matt ehe call. Strange. How did that girl get his phone number? And what was this about child sex abuse? He had not made fun of that ever, as far as he remembered.

  But it sounded like a good topiake fun of.

  He wrote it down for another project he was w on before remembering that he still had an episode to finish. He had written only the introdu of Stology when…

  ring

  ring

  Matt sighed before pig up the phone. He saw that this time the phone number was different from the st one, so he accepted the call and silently put it to his ear.

  It was anirl.

  “You motherfug freak! How dare you make fun of a poor child who was assaulted!? I’ll fug kill—”

  Matt ehe call and put his phone down again.

  ring

  ring

  “You will burn is of hell!” the caller, who sounded like a younger male, shouted.

  Sick of the wild accusations, this time Matt didn’t sit silently. “What the fuck did I d?” he asked the caller in frustration. “I didn’t make any jokes about any assaulted kids!”

  “Two words: Troy Armitage,” the boy said smugly. “We are the Trojan Army, and we will i your life to hell and back like the Trojan virus for hurting our man Troy.”

  And then the boy disected the call.

  Matt could only sit down and stare at his phone dumbly. Trojan Army? What sort of pretentious fucks would hemselves after a brand?

  ring

  ring

  Matt sighed out loud before putting his phone on silent mode. He would think ter about how these eighth graders got his phone number. He had better things to do in life.

  He opened up his e-mail to see the st draft that Trey had sent him. The problem was that the e-mail was taking a lot lohan usual to open. When it did, Matt was surprised to see 99+ unread messages. His eyes widened.

  He saw the subject of the first one, which read: Matt and Trey will burn in hell!

  What the fuck is going on!? Just one joke episode about Troy Armitage led to such a public backsh? And it was one of their tamer episodes. It could have gone so far beyond what they did. Some of their initial jokes had been omitted because of that. But this rea was unpreted. They had received backsh before as well, but his extreme.

  Elsewhere, Trey Parker was in a simir boat. His voicemail was full, so was his inbox, and ut, he didn’t even have a clue as to the reason for it all because he didn’t bother asking or reading e-mails.

  Simirly, the phone lines of edy tral and its CEO’s personal phone numbers had been flooded with pints and threats from Troy’s fans.

  Breaking News: Troy Armitage calls out the makers of South Park fly portraying him as the vilin in their show.

  A female reporter appeared on the s, saying, “Troy Armitage, better known for portraying [Harry Potter], has called out the makers of the show South Park for not doing proper due diligence before releasing the episode ‘The-Boy-Who-Judo’d.’ The young man of 16 has announced a full-out war against Trey Parker and Matt Stohe makers of South Park, by releasing their personal phone numbers on his now-viral YouTube video and requesting his fans—‘the Trojan Army’—to harass the two men. While I don’t aking a defamatory parody of a 16-year-old, I also think that tws don’t make a right. Troy should be a role model rather than using his fanbase in such a terrorizing mao harass his oppos.”

  (Break)

  “Expelliarmus!” I shouted while pointing my wand at Jason Isaacs, who pyed Lucius Malfoy. Jason, pying an experienced Death Eater, swiftly stepped aside from my curse aaliated with a silent curse of his own.

  Gary Oldman stepped in front of me with his wand raised high, shielding me silently.

  Then, in unison, he and I shot a dual Expelliarmus at the blonde Death Eater. Jason, who had been fitted with generous amounts of wires, went flying bad out of the frame.

  “Nie, James!” Gary grinned without even looking at me. I grinned back with enthusiasm that my godfather was happy.

  “Avada Kedavra!” Helena Bonham Carter yelled in our dire, but Gary and I both ducked in time.

  “Get away,” Gary yelled at me. “This is my fight.”

  Thewo cousins, Sirius arix, had their big fight. Without the apanying CGI to fill out the se, it looked quite b in real life. Everything was fully chraphed. Eaent, dash, punch, kick—everything. It took away the spoy of the se, but it was a beautiful thing to watoheless.

  “That’s all you got?” Sirius mocked the mad bck sister. “I know you do better.”

  Beltrix shot a dark curse at Sirius, which he sidestepped, but Beltrix had anticipated that and shot another o him, right where he was standing at the moment. And just like that, Sirius went flying through the veil of death.

  I stood there for a few moments, uo grasp the reality.

  “Sirius?” I called out. When no answer came, I yelled louder, “SIRIUS!” Then I ran toward the veil to save him somehow.

  I was intercepted by Remus Lupin. I yelled and thrashed against him with all my might to somehow reach the veil and save Sirius, but Remus’ grip was tight. I broke down pletely in his arms as the reality of the situation dawned upon me. I would never see him again. All because of one persorix fug Lestrange!

  All my sadurned inte within moments. I got out of Remus’ grasp and ran toward Bel.

  “I killed Sirius Bck,” she sang happily as she ran in front of me.

  “CRUCIO!” I yelled, pointing my wand at her. She stumbled and fell down. The spell hadn’t worked correctly, but it had worked enough to make her falter. She k on the ground and looked up at me uainly as my wand was trained on her. My face was full e, about to cast some of the worst spells, until I heard the voice…

  “Cut!”

  After a few moments, Helena Bonham Carter got up on her feet and walked over to me. “Are you okay?” she asked.

  I frowned. “Why would I not be?”

  “You’re still scowling at me,” she pointed out. “If I didn’t know aer, I’d say you want to kill me for real.”

  I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before opening them again. “Sot too ied in the role. This is my favorite se in the books, and I wao do it justice.”

  “Uandable,” Helena nodded with a small smile. “Just don’t get too lost in it.”

  I nodded silently.

  “Troy,” Tobias walked up to me and interrupted our versation. “There are a few people here who want to meet you.” He looked decidedly unfortable with whatever was going on.

  “’t you see we are shooting?” I said with slight irritation. “Rian hasn’t even approved the shot yet.”

  Tobias shifted uneasily on his feet. “It’s Matt Stone and Trey Parker.”

  All my bad mood about the intense se evaporated as I resisted the urge to ugh at that sudden turn of events.

  _________________________________

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