June, 2005, Arizona, USA

  I couldn't help but curse my luck as soon as I ran into the living room. The lively atmosphere o had been immediately dampened by Toni's scream. Everyone was gathered around An Arkin, who was lying ft on the floor with his eyes closed. Toni Collette was h over him.

  As soon as I crouched beside her, she turo me in panic. "We've called 9-1-1, but they'll take some time to get here. Do you know CPR?"

  I didn't. I opened my mouth to say so, but then I noticed something strange. One of the crew's camerame to film behind-the-ses footage, was rec the entire i. Not only was this iive on so many levels, but the stra part was that the camera oi me, not An.

  I groaned internally as the realization hit me: this rank. A tasteless one. Pranks have limits, and these people had clearly fotten that. If you perform CPR on a healthy person or do it incorrectly, you could do more harm than good. But if they wao mess with me, I'd gdly turables.

  I Toni to indicate I knew CPR, then stood up. I motioned for the crew to step back, and they plied, most of them looking shocked that I was actually about to gh with it.

  Toni looked uneasy. "Are you sure you know CPR, Troy? Have you lear somewhere?"

  I nodded again before stepping forward and spreading An's legs slightly apart. The tension in the room skyrocketed as everyoched, clearly unsure of what I was doing.

  "CPR is done on the chest," Steve Carell said from behind me, his voice cutting through the tension. I must have missed his arrival in the chaos. "Why are you moving his legs?"

  I gave him a reassuring smile before lifting my booted foot and h it over An's family jewels.

  Immediately, An sat bolt upright.

  "What the fuck do you think you're doing!?" he yelled, shoving my foot away. "I'm not doing this shit anymore!"

  I burst into ughter at his rea, flipping the bird to the entire crew, including my fellow actors, who had thought pulling such a terrible prank on me was a good idea. My ughter was iious, and soon everyone was crag up at the prank's failure.

  When the ughter finally died down, An draped an arm over my shoulders and said, "I'm sorry. In my defense, you've been awfully quiet, kid. You o speak up. I made a bet with Carell over there that I could get you to talk, but clearly, I lost."

  I pulled out my notepad and wrote, I will talk soon.

  "I know that," he said. "But by then, I'll be killed off and head bae. We won't get the ce to speak at all."

  That was true. My character, Dwayne, only speaks after An's character, Edwin, dies iory. We'd see each ain during the promotios and film festival phase of [Little Miss Sunshine], but there'd be a signifit gap between now and then.

  I shook my head and wrote, We will speak. If not now then ter.

  "I hope so, kid," An said. "Just a piece of advice: if you don't want to antagonize everyone you work with, don't do method ag too often. It might bring out your best performance, but it's not worth it. I like that at least you're not pletely embodying your character and have only gone silent. I've worked with some extreme method actors, and almost everyoed them o. Some people eve so far as to say they wouldn't work with them again because of their erratic behavior."

  I nodded in uanding. I hadn't worked with a dedicated method actor yet, but I'd heard plenty of stories during my time in the industry.

  "All right, everyone," Jonathan announced. "Let's . Today's shoot is over."

  (Break)

  "Jesus, I'm tired," An Arkin groaned. "I'm so fug tired. Do you know how tired I am?" He turo me aly poked my arm to get my attention. I g him on irritation before turning my gaze back to the window.

  "If some girl came up to me and begged me to fuck her, I couldn't do it. That's how tired I am," An tinued, pletely ign my ck of response.

  "Dad!" Greg turned around in his seat while driving. "Watch the nguage, huh?" He turned back to focus on the road ahead.

  "She's listening to music," An said, gesturing toward the nine-year-old girl grooving to musi her headphones. "See? Olive, I'll give you a million dolrs if you turn around."

  As expected, the girl remained blissfully unaware of the versation.

  An turned bae. " I give you some advice?"

  I shook my head.

  "Well, I'm gonna give it to you anyway," he said, pletely unfazed. "I don't want you making the same mistakes I made."

  "'t wait to hear this," Greg muttered sarcastically from the driver's seat.

  "Dwayhat's your name, right?" An asked. When I didn't respond, he tinued, "Fuck a lot of women, Dwayne. Not just one woman—a lot of women."

  "Hey! Dad!" Greg shouted from the front.

  "Will you rex? She's got headphones on!" An snapped before turning bae. "So, are you getting any?"

  I shook my head.

  "No? Jesus. You're what, 15? You should be getting that young stuff. That young stuff is the best in the whole world."

  Despite how morally wrong the statement was, An's delivery was so eous it took all my willpower not to break character and burst out ughing.

  "Hey, Dad! That's enough! Stop it!" Greg shouted again.

  "Will you kindly not interrupt?" Aed, before addressing me again. "See, right now, you're jailbait. They're jailbait. It's perfect. I mean, you hit 18… man, you're talking about three to five."

  I looked ahead at Steve Carell, sitting in the row in front of me, desperate to keep from ughing. That turned out to be a terrible decision. Steve's shoulders were shaking wildly with suppressed ughter, and as soon as he turned and our eyes met, we couldn't hold it in any longer.

  "Hahahaha!" Steve and I ughed like madmen.

  Abigail, who was sitting beside Steve with her headphones on, pulled them off to figure out what was happening. Greg and Toni had also started ughing, leaving An the only o amused. It helped that the car wasn't actually being driven by Greg. Instead, it was on a low-level trolley pulled by a truck.

  "Why are you ughing?" Abigail asked me but shifted her question to Steve mid-sentence when she realized I wouldn't answer.

  "Nothing, dear," Toni replied instead. "It's just that An is ag very funny."

  Abigail pouted. "Why 't I hear the se as well?"

  An leaned forward and patted her head. "Don't worry, darling. When you grow up, I'll give you the DVD of this film." Then, turning to me, he whispered, "You realize how bad it is that yhing at this line? I bet decades from now, when I'm dead, people will remember me as the old grandpa who gave such terrible advice to you."

  Instantly, my ughter vanished. In a way, he was right. When An Arkiually passed away, I mostly remembered him for this role—and what a brilliant role it was.

  "Guys," Valerie's voice called out over the speaker. "Let's redo the se. From the start."

  "Yes," An me. "And please don't break character this time." He gnced meaningfully at Abigail. "She'll get distracted otherwise, and she's far too precious to be hearing the nguage I'm using."

  That just made me respect the old man even more. Before we started shooting, An had insisted on a dition: every time his character cursed, it couldn't be audible to Abigail. The writers had tweaked several ses so she didn't have to be present whenever a curse word was said. Like in this se, Abigail was wearing loud headphones.

  "A!"

  (Break)

  It had been more than three weeks since I started my vow of sile was tough at first, but I gradually adjusted. Now I hardly slipped, no matter how provocative or troversial someoried to be. And believe me, they all tried to make me break my vow—but I didn't. An Arkin evehe set without ever hearing my voice beyond ughter.

  Finally, the day I had been waiting for was here.

  "So, you uand your emotions for this one, right?" Valerie asked.

  I nodded in uanding.

  "Remember, this is supposed to be the most powerful se of the movie," she said with gravity. "I know you'll do it justice."

  Wow. No pressure at all.

  This se was one of the most challenging I had ever doionally speaking. Within moments, I had to portray a spectrum of feelings—indifference, sadness, grief, anger, rage, and finally settling on despair. The hardest part was ensuring I didn't overdo it.

  This se was the main reason I wao be in [Little Miss Sunshine]. It was the kind of moment you wat a theater and think, This guy is getting an Oscar. In the inal timeline, Paul Dano delivered this se beautifully, yet received nnition from any award bodies.

  Let's see how well I do. I walked over to the car and sat down i. This time, Greg was actually driving sihe car had to stop, and that part o be recorded. A cameraman was sitting in the car with us, holding a camera to capture one of the most powerful ses of the film up close.

  "A!" Valerie's voice rang out over the speaker.

  "It's an A! 't you see it? Right there," Abigail poi the visio kit she'd picked up at the hospital.

  I shook my head, indig I couldn't see it.

  "It's bright green," Steve Carell pointed out.

  Again, I shook my head. Slowly, the realization began to dawn oill, I wao firm my fears. I furiously wrote down, What? on my notepad and showed it to Steve.

  He paused, as if deg whether or not to say it. Finally, he spoke.

  "Dwayne, I think you might be colorblind," he said softly.

  It felt like my entire world had crumbled beh me. Not knowing what else to do, I shook the notepad again, demanding more answers.

  Steve sighed, then gave me the final blow. "You 't fly jets if you're colorblind."

  The notepad and pen slipped from my hands as I slumped back against the seat. Nothing made sense anymore. My entire life had revolved around this goal, and now I was being told it was unachievable.

  What was the point of my vow of silence if the dream I was fighting for was impossible? What was the point of anything at all?

  I closed my eyes for a moment before banging my head against the side of the car. A few tears escaped, but I didn't care. All I wanted was to get away—from this pce, from this moment.

  I started hitting the car—the roof, the seat in front of me, anything that might help me escape the crushi of despair. I was so absorbed in the se that I barely registered the versation happeniween my co-stars.

  As soon as the car stopped, I threw the door open and bolted from the vehicle, running as fast as I could. I halted in front of the camera, where a marker indicated my stopping point.

  "FUCK!" I screamed at the top of my lungs before dropping to my knees in sheer anguish. I bent forward, pressing my face to the ground, and shouted again. "FUCK!"

  Due to my presehis se had been ged a bit. I'd suggested to the directors that it should be shot iake, beginning in the minibus and tinuing until my breakdown. However, due to logistical challehey had promised. The oake started from the moment I ran from the vehicle, and it was still rolling.

  I sobbed into the dry grass for what felt like ay. Finally, Toni Collette's gentle voice broke through the haze.

  "Dwayne, honey, I'm sorry."

  I kept g, ign her words.

  "Dwayne, e on, we have to go."

  "I'm not going," I said slowly, my voice hoarse from screaming.

  "Dwayne–"

  "I said, I'm not! Okay?" I shouted. "I don't care. I'm not getting on that bus again."

  "Dwayne, for better or worse, we're your family."

  "No, you're not my family!" I yelled at the top of my lungs, maintaining my Ameri at. "I don't wanna be your family. I hate you fug people. I hate you! Divorce, bankrupt, suicide!" I poi Toni, Greg, and Steve respectively. "You're fug losers! You're all losers!"

  The only reason I could curse so freely in front of Abigail was that she was wearing earplugs, blog out my words entirely from such a long distance.

  Toni took a cautious step forward, her face filled with , but I stepped bastinctively and raised my hands defensively. "Please just leave me here, Mom. Please, please, please." MY voice getting desperate by the end of it.

  When she didn't approach again, I sank back to the ground and hugged my legs tightly to my chest, burying my fato my knees.

  A few moments passed in silence, broken only by my ragged breathing. Suddenly, I felt a gentle arm around my shoulder. Then, a small head leaned against my right shoulder.

  The warmth of the touearly broke me. I almost sobbed right there but mao hold my emotions back at the st moment. I looked up at the little girl who was smiling at me.

  "It'll be okay," she said ily.

  "Alright," I said softly, caressing my on-s sister's face tenderly. "Let's go."

  We both stood up, and Abigail instinctively grabbed my hand. She swung it pyfully as we walked, the way kids do when they feel happy and safe. Despite the weight of the se, I couldn't help but smile at her innoce, yet there was a bitter taste in my mouth.

  "Cut!" Jonathan Dayton's voice rang out.

  As soon as he called it, the entire cast and crew erupted into appuse.

  I looked around, bewildered by their rea. I hadn't thought my ag in that take was anything exceptional.

  "e on, guys," I said aloud, trying to wave it off. "It was just the first take."

  Steve Carell stepped in front of me, his expression serious yet warm. He pced both hands firmly on my shoulders.

  "We're not appuding your performahough it henomenal, by the way. We're appuding because you did something most of us couldn't do. Heone of us could do. It's not easy to stay silent for nearly a month just for a job, but you did it. And you did it wonderfully. For that, you have my eternal respect."

  Without another word, he pulled me into a hearty, manly hug, patting my back as if sealing his words.

  Looking around at the nods and smiles of agreement from everyone, I felt deeply touched. Despite the vow being one of the most challenging things I'd ever do had also led to some of the best experiences I'd ever had ohis was defiurning out to be one of my best experiences on a film set.

  When Steve finally released me, Jonathan stepped forward, breaking the moment with a sheepish grin.

  "While that is good and all, we'll o redo this se. You were perfect Troy, Abigail, everyo's just that the sued a gre in a particur shot, and si is oake, we'll have to do it all again."

  I suppressed the urge to groan. There was nothing more frustrating than redoing aionally exhausting se for something as mundane as a gre.

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