A fifteen-minute countdown timer appeared as stone gates rumbled open, releasing the hippos.

  They trundled out in pairs, four in total, their massive bodies painted in lurid neon colors—bubblegum pink, radioactive green, taxicab yellow, and midnight blue. Their eyes rolled white, jaws splitting wide enough to crush a car.

  Dweller 0.99350D – Hungry, Hungry Hippo [Level 50]

  Fun fact, Hippos kill more people annually than lions, tigers, or sharks combined—estimates range from 500 to 3,000 deaths a year. They can sprint up to 30 kilometers per hour on land, weigh over 3,000 pounds, and their jaws open nearly 180 degrees, delivering a bite force strong enough to crack open a crocodile’s skull like an icy cold Bud Lite. That’s baseline reality.

  Now imagine something worse.

  Hungry, hungry hippos aren’t your run-of-the-mill river cow. These are prehistoric revenants, ravenous and armored like walking siege engines. Their hides are impossibly thick, reinforced with jagged plates of calcified bone, their eyes glow with insatiable blood-hunger, and their mouths gape wider than physics should allow, bristling with tusks that could core an armored truck.

  They lurk in flooded areas, wallowing until the scent of prey—or worse, the shimmer of one of the giant pearls they hoard—draws them into motion. Word to the wise, they won’t attack until you try to take something they’ve marked as theirs, but once you do, they will trample, bite, and maul until the water runs red with your blood. Hippos are notoriously territorial, and these things are apocalypse-level possessive.

  The first Hippo immediately oriented on one of the pearls and charged, mouth wide, squat but powerful legs thundering through the water as it ran.

  I acted on instinct, using the ambient moisture to conjure a slab of thick ice to stop it in its tracks while I simultaneously attempted to snatch the pearl up with a thread of telekinetic power—

  Except the luminescent orb didn’t budge so much as an inch.

  There was an immense weight to it that reminded me of the time I’d tried to lift the Snowmaw Hag.

  “Ah, ah, ah, nice try, buck-o,” the announcer taunted, “but pearls can only be lifted and propelled through pure physical force.”

  Perfect. The game was metaphorically cockblocking me. Just what I needed.

  The Hippo effortlessly smashed through the ice blockade as though it were made of crepe paper and continued stampeding straight toward the pearl. Since Psychic Sovereignty wouldn’t help, I instead triggered Neural Slipstream, and time lurched as the material faded away and my body shifted into the realm of pure thought. I dashed forward with unnatural speed, my feet phasing through the water with no resistance as I closed the distance.

  With the added speed boost, I easily beat the Hippo to the target and promptly killed the spell the second I was in range. As time resumed its normal ebb and flow, I lifted the pearl from the pedestal without an ounce of resistance.

  That was a mistake.

  The incoming Hippo nimbly adjusted course and charged straight toward me instead, death, destruction, and bodily mutilation burning in its beady little eyes.

  Worse, it wasn’t alone.

  Taking possession of the pearl had drawn the irrational, territorial wrath of every single Hippo in the arena, and they all stampeded my way, fully intent on tap-dancing across my pulped corpse.

  “Oh shit!” I yelled. “Cover me!”

  Jakob darted forward with both shields raised, splashing through knee-deep water, just in time to intercept the first Hippo. He braced for impact, but the Hippo smashed into him like a sentient wrecking ball. He never even stood a chance. If a regular hippo weighed three thousand pounds, this thing had to be double that. The Cendral went sailing through the air, landing hard, then rolled over and over through the water in a series of splishes and splashes.

  I didn’t have anything that could go toe-to-toe with one of the monsters, but Krampus and Drumbo might be able to stand a chance if they worked together.

  I conjured both Horrors, and they instantly burst through slashes of void space, quickly cornering the bright pink nightmare. Krampus shot forward on skittering metallic legs, hands wrapping around the Hippo’s crushing jaws, while Drumbo lit the monster up with bursts of minigun fire. The bullets ricocheted harmlessly off its hide, whizzing through the air and slamming into the stone walls.

  The fallout-green Hippo was closing in from the right, and I needed to get rid of the pearl before it gored me, trampled me, or both. Although I couldn’t use Psychic Sovereignty directly on the orb itself, the game didn’t prevent me from using it to go airborne, even while holding the pearl. While Jakob and Temperance duked it out with the raging Hippos, I zipped toward the nearest hoop and lobbed the ball toward the stone rim with a broad grin.

  I was feeling pretty smug, right until an enormous tentacle—thick as a tree trunk and made entirely from intertwined vines—burst from one of the unseen pools below, batting the pearl from the air.

  “They have fucking vine goalies,” I thundered. “You’ve got to be kidding me!”

  The pearl tumbled into the water, only to be scooped up a moment later by the blue Hippo, before disappearing down its gullet in a single gulp.

  I felt a small wave of panic, until I realized that the pearl wasn’t lost for good. As soon as it disappeared, another one immediately respawned on the empty pillar.

  It was the first lucky break we’d had so far. And now that I no longer had possession of the pearl, the Hippos didn’t give two shits about me. I was damn near invisible—or the next best thing. Instead, they were already fixing their greedy gazes on the rest of the orbs scattered around the arena.

  We weren’t off to a great start, and had less than nine minutes left to rack up as many points as possible, but we did have options. The Hippos were powerful, sure, but there were only four of them and there were three times as many pillars and orbs. They couldn’t be everywhere at once and they also only actively attacked if you had an orb or were unlucky enough to get in their way.

  I was sure we could use that to our advantage.

  This would be a fucking cakewalk with Physic Sovereignty, which was probably the reason the game had nerfed my ability. Heaven forbid anything in this godforsaken place was easy.

  There was another way, though.

  What we needed was sheer, overwhelming numbers—enough bodies on the field that the Hippos couldn’t focus on all of us at once. We’d take casualties, no question, but if we won, the payout would be worth the asking price.

  I thrust my hands out and conjured a dozen disposable Horrors—all Kevins, Kathys, and Kannibal Kid Timmys—and sent them running to the edges of the room. “Get the pearls,” I bellowed at my minions, “then keep ’em away from the Hippos. Don’t engage unless there’s no other option!”

  The Horrors didn’t need to be told twice, and the arena quickly devolved into bedlam as they scattered like roaches, snatching pearls up one after another, while the neon monsters bellowed in bloodthirsty rage and gave chase.

  “Jakob!” I hollered, “do your best to slow ’em down. Run interference.”

  “That didn’t work out so well last time,” the Cendral called back, still sopping wet from his tumble through the water, “but I will do my best.”

  “I can’t ask for more than that,” I replied. “Croc and Harper, you two will be on a team. Harper, fly up to one of the hoops—Croc, get pearls and feed them to Harper so she can score. Temp and I will do the same thing with the other hoop.”

  “Feed them to Harper?” Croc asked. “Like with a spoon or something?”

  “No. Jesus, Croc. Get the pearls and pass them to her. From the ground while she’s up in the air. Like a basketball.”

  This narrative has been purloined without the author's approval. Report any appearances on Amazon.

  “Oh, yeah, I suppose that makes a lot more sense,” Croc replied, nodding its head in understanding.

  “Now go!” I barked. “We don’t have much time!”

  We broke apart, Harper and Croc darting toward the hoop on the left, while Temp and I posted up by the one on the right.

  The Hippos were busy chasing down the Horrors, who weren’t even trying to fight back against the monstrous creatures. Instead, they were racing through the water, kicking up rooster tails of murky spray as they sprinted with pearls clutched tightly in their arms. The Hippos hit hard, but thanks to their bulky frames, they weren’t nearly as fast or agile as my reanimated minions.

  The giant sunken pits were turning into a real problem, though.

  One had already swallowed one of my Kevins whole, which is how I learned that the Horrors—for all of their many skills—weren’t great swimmers.

  And by that, I mean they sunk like lead weights.

  From my vantage overhead, however, it was easy enough to spot the watery holes that drilled into the murky depths. Using Hydrokinesis, I flash froze sheets of two-inch-thick ice over each one—they’d be slippery as hell, but that was still better than the alternative. I also hastily cast Frostfang Spire, attempting to throw up blockades to help my Horrors.

  I might as well have been using Silly String for all the good it did.

  Below, Temp was already in motion, her sword burning with dark fire as she grabbed a pearl from a pillar then whipped it toward me. I shot to the left and caught it midair, cradling it like a newborn baby. I whirled and blasted forward, but just as I got close enough to the hoop to make a shot, another column of vines exploded upward, easily smashing through the ice I’d conjured, then swatting me aside like a buzzing gnat.

  I careened out of control, slamming into the wall, then dropping into the water below, the pearl rolling from my grasp.

  “Ah, ah, ah, nice try,” the announcer jeered, “but the goalie says DENIED!”

  An encroaching Hippo lowered its jaws and swallowed my prize before I could do anything to stop it, then wheeled around and took off toward a nearby Horror.

  “Fuck this,” I growled, letting my anger and frustration momentarily get the better of me. I pushed myself to my feet then lurched back into the air, this time targeting the still thrashing vine guarding the hoop. “You wanna play games? Then let’s play, dickweed.”

  I thrust a hand forward and cast Hydro Fracking Blast. Then I activated Rock Splitter just for good measure. A thin jet of burning water blazed from my palm and sliced through the trunk. The vines shrieked and recoiled, a gout of green sap pouring from the wound as the vine retreated into the watery hole below.

  “Incoming!” Temp barked as she grabbed another pearl and lobbed it high.

  I spun and swooped, snatching it from the air before pivoting and launching the pearl. This time, it sailed through the hoop, and the PA went berserk as we finally managed to get a point on the board.

  “Would you look at that, folks?” the announcer blared. “The form, the grace, the accuracy! He shoots, he scores, he doesn’t die… Yet! What a play!”

  It was a start, but we were still behind.

  Temp raced toward the next pillar, bouncing across platforms of hardened air, then grabbed the next pearl, tossing it toward me with the precision of an NFL quarterback—a true testament to all the points she’d dropped into Athleticism.

  I grabbed the pearl even as I shouted out a warning to Temp.

  The blue Hippo was barreling toward her, jaws stretched wide enough to swallow her. She sidestepped the charge and vaulted up onto its back, her blade sparking as it ripped across bone plating. The beast thrashed, but she clung tight and cast Biblical Pestilence three times in short succession, releasing a storm of chitinous locusts that swarmed across the monster’s eyes. Then, with terrifying calm, she invoked Ghost Leash, tethering herself to the enormous beast.

  It roared and spun, trying to buck her off, but she was a burr in its hide, hacking through plates and carving channels of raw, bleeding flesh with her sword.

  Meanwhile, Jakob was everywhere at once, running interference like a man possessed. He intercepted a green Hippo with both shields, then activated Quantum Entanglement—strings of wriggling light momentarily locking its limbs in place. It thrashed and roared, but Jakob held the line long enough for two Horrors to slip by, orbs clutched tight.

  Another Hippo peeled off, charging toward a cluster of Kannibal Kid Timmys.

  Jakob slammed his shields together and triggered Broken Car Alarm, the sound ringing through the arena. The Hippo skidded, ears twitching, then turned its hate on him instead.

  Jakob bared his teeth. “Komm, ich bei? nicht… hart,” he taunted.

  On the far side of the arena, Croc had ditched its customary combat form, transforming instead into a colossal, rubbery octopus. Tentacles lashed out in every direction, battering neon hippos away with wet smacks. One thick limb snatched a pearl, wound back like a baseball pitcher, and hurled it skyward.

  “Catch, Harper!” Croc bellowed as the pearl arced overhead.

  She dove and spun, wings slicing through the heavy air, before narrowly catching the pearl in one outstretched hand.

  A vine column erupted from the water below her, swerving to block her before she could get close enough to score. But as fast as the vine was, Harper was faster—her training with Temperance paying off in real time. She cast Shadow Eagle and a pair of shadowy black birds exploded from one hand, blasting a nasty chunk from the plant guardian. It swayed uncertainly and she barrel-rolled right, then streaked past the stunned plant, slamming the pearl home with a thud.

  “Boom shakalaka! She’s on fiiiiire! Another point on the board for the visiting team!”

  We were finally starting to get the hang of things, though the battle below wasn’t going quite so well. A yellow Hippo clamped down on one of my Kevins, biting him clean in half. His top half flailed, guts hanging out in spools, before he finally vanished into the water. The Hippo gulped down the pearl he’d been carrying.

  Temp leapt from the back of her badly wounded Hippo, using the Ghost Leash like a rope swing to propel herself toward another pillar. She swept up another pearl, then bounded back on top of the Hippo, once again using the Leash. The creature was incensed, knowing its prize was so close, but unable to reach it. She hurled the orb up at me with one hand, then went right back to work, hacking and slashing at her unwilling mount, finally dropping its total health below forty percent.

  I knew that killing the Hippos wasn’t the actual goal, but I suspected we’d be rewarded somehow if she managed to pull it off.

  I snagged the orb, blazed forward, lined up my shot, and threw.

  The vine was still wounded from my last attack and too slow to intercept. The pearl dropped into the hoop and blinked out of existence, while another one reappeared on a column below.

  “What a play! That’s another bucket for Team Carnage! But you better move quick! Only five minutes remaining! More Pearls! More Blood! Who wants to be tonight’s big winner?!”

  Although we were hemorrhaging time, things were finally starting to click into place like a well-oiled machine. Temp riding her Hippo like a demon rodeo queen, Jakob baiting and slowing the beasts below, Croc hurling orbs in a frenzy, Harper dive-bombing the hoops, and me cutting vines and threading shots whenever Temp could get me a pearl.

  We’d already scored eleven points—officially putting us into the top five on the leaderboard—but every victory came with blood.

  My Horrors fell, mauled and viciously torn apart, pearls snapped up by ravenous jaws, vines slamming down like living whips. But we were claiming some casualties of our own. Through sheer grit and a potent combination of piss and vinegar, Temperance had somehow managed to carve her way through the blue Hippo’s armored exterior. And once she was past the plating, it was just as susceptible to disease as anything else.

  She activated Patient Zero and boils crawled across the hippo’s body, pus spraying from its mouth, blood leaking from its eyes and ears as its HP plummeted. Once it finally dropped below ten percent, she ripped her sword free and brought it screaming down in a vicious arc, decapitating the monster with an impossible swing, fueled by the power of Fetch the Skull. The giant head plopped into the water and the body fell to the ground, still twitching.

  The announcer howled in maniacal approval, “Four Bonus Points added to the board for the kill! Look at that lady go!”

  Despite the chaos and carnage, I couldn’t help but grin from ear to ear.

  We’d just hit the one-minute warning, but with the four extra points, we might actually have a shot at claiming the high score. But we’d need to get two points to do it, and that would take a miracle. Particularly since one of the gates rumbled open and not one, but two new Hippos trundled out onto the battlefield—bringing the total up to five. The two new additions were also ten levels higher than their counterparts…

  And they had wings.

  Because of course they did.

  I probably should’ve known.

  Sure, killing the hippos granted extra points, but it also increased the overall difficulty. That was an elegant way to keep Delvers from just massacring the Hippos instead of actually playing the game. I could only imagine how brutal it would be facing off against eight Hippos, all level 60 or higher, who could also fly.

  Honestly, that sounded like a good way to get dead.

  Across from me, Harper dove, precariously catching two pearls at once—cradling one in either arm—her wings beating furiously as she began to climb.

  A column of vines darted toward her from below, whipping forward to block her path. With both of her hands full, there was nothing she could do to stop it. Which meant it was up to me to play defense. I activated Hydro Fracking Blast, carving a gash through the base of the vine, then quickly cast Frostfang Spire in javelin form, spearing the giant tentacle to the wall. Jakob seemed to have the same idea, since he triggered Quantum Entanglement, summoning a fresh round of glimmering strings to bind the colossal plant.

  Harper slipped and twirled like an airborne ballerina, narrowly juking past the grasping green tendril—though she wasn’t in the clear just yet. The bubblegum pink Hippo lunged from the water, jaws snapping, body arcing upward like a breaching whale.

  But then Temp appeared on its back, sword buried to the hilt, Ghost Leash locking her in place as she dragged the blade sideways, carving open the beast’s skull. It shrieked, flailed, and fell sideways—far from dead, but no longer an immediate threat to the airborne healer.

  Harper flared her wings, twisted, and hurled the first pearl through the hoop with every ounce of strength left in her body, then jammed the second one in just seconds before the buzzer shrieked, ending the game.

  The scoreboard exploded in light, numbers spinning upward, fireworks bursting overhead in a shower of neon sparks.

  “Wow! That’s it, folks!” the announcer shouted. “A last-second buzzer-beater for the ages! New High Score! Let’s give it up for tonight’s big winners!”

  As though someone had flipped a switch, the Hippos turned around and lumbered back through the stone gates, before the arena spit us through the entryway door and back into the arcade proper—bloody, sopping wet, and gasping for air.

  Pooh looked up at us with wide eyes, his face slathered in a layer of golden honey. “Well, how was it?” he asked.

  I grimaced. “You were right… Not very much fun at all.”