“Hahaha! Is this all you’ve got? Pathetic!” I keep laughing, mocking the dead player below my feet.

  What am I doing, you ask?

  Well, I’m doing what any self-proclaimed mad scientist would do. When defeated, you must run away in the most obnoxiously annoying way imaginable, but when you win and defeat your opponents, you instead must make sure to mock them to no end, proclaiming bullshit like ‘It was easy’ or ‘You’ll be perfect test subjects’, ideally in an even more annoying way than when you run away.

  And that’s what I’m doing: mocking the dead opponent of our second bracket match.

  I hope the dead players have stayed in his fantasmal form and are now gritting their teeth in annoyance… That’s my purpose for doing this, after all.

  “Ahaha, all that ‘clairvoyance’ stuff… What use was it, huh? Useless bullshit. And here I was, expecting so much of you… Give me back my excitement!”

  In the middle of poking the dead body with my staff, Ricard approaches and interrupts my ‘victory monologue’.

  “What are you doing? Stop wasting time. Remember, we must catch the one that escaped to win.”

  “Yeah, yeah…”

  I reluctantly leave the corpse alone and start walking towards the laboratory door. I say reluctantly, but in fact… “Well, well, well… Since there’s a rat in our dungeon, what could be more fitting than another rat going to catch it? An elephant-riding rat, of course! Fufufu! Hahaha!”

  Since we’ve long revealed the presence of my ultimate weapon, the Abohemoth, there’s no need to keep it hidden. We can now freely use my monster as we please.

  And DON’T remind me of the name change, okay!? I’ll get angry if you do.

  “Wait. I’ll come with you.”

  “Hm? Sure.”

  Ricard starts walking next to me, towards the deepest part of our dungeon, where the Abohemoth lies.

  Ooh, yeah. I’m sure you’re curious about it. Our opponents this time are – or should I say ‘were’? – called Time Lords. According to our intelligence official, Ricard, right next to me, the reason for that name comes from certain traits each of their members has.

  First, the ‘Untouchable Jin’.

  According to Ricard, nobody has ever landed a single attack on him throughout the whole tournament. To be more precise, he avoids any weapon and arrows, as well as single-target magic, as if he could predict the trajectory ahead of time.

  As expected, though, his ‘untouchable’ status doesn’t extend to autotargeting spells like Magic Missiles, wide area of effect ones like Poison Cloud, or unavoidable effects like Chain Lightning’s jumps after the initial hit.

  If I had to judge from what I’ve seen… Yeah, I agree with his nickname.

  The ‘Untouchable’ nickname sure fits him, but not for the reason Ricard gave us. As soon as he even smelled a tiny bit of danger, he bolted away. To put it in other words, he didn’t take any damage. Thus, he’s ‘Untouched’.

  If you always run away, it’s not unusual if you take no damage.

  Still, I wonder if he’ll be able to keep that nickname after this fight. I want to see how he avoids a strike from my massive monster when the whole passage is filled by it and there’s no space to dodge… I’m looking forward to it.

  Then there’s the ‘Surestrike Tom’, whose sword strikes never miss. Like the first guy, it’s almost as if he can predict your moves ahead of time, as if your time slows down, unable to avoid his strikes, regardless of how he swings his sword.

  But sometimes, the matchup matters more than your skills.

  He had to face Ricard, who doesn’t care at all if he takes damage. Having to face an unrelenting self-healing undead, who doesn’t die regardless of how much damage he takes…

  Truly, an awful matchup. I kind of pity him, though not that much.

  Then, the third one, the one I was mocking at the start: the ‘Seer Ron’. As you can imagine by his nickname, he’s the party’s brain, and he can see the future. Or at least, that’s what everyone says.

  His plans aren’t on the level of a genius, but on the level of someone who knows everything.

  No, it’s even more than that. They’re on the level of someone who ‘knows the future’.

  Unexpected plans and monster attacks, traps, puzzles, and random events alike. He doesn’t make assumptions or predictions as most players do, but instead acts as if he already knew of their existence.

  A missing puzzle key piece? He knows where to find it, even if no one else has ever found it. Not only that, but he also knows what shape and colour it has.

  A random meteor falling from the sky? He makes the whole party stop, even before the meteor spawns. The meteor falls without harming anyone, and they resume the invasion as if nothing had happened.

  An unavoidable room filled with poison gas? He orders a poison-immune support mob he prepared before the match started to step inside and deactivate the device spewing the poison, clearing the way for everyone else.

  Truly, truly, ridiculous. I still can’t believe some of the things I’ve seen in the replays.

  As for the fourth and last guy…

  To tell the truth, I don’t know. I’m sure Ricard told us about him, too, but since he didn’t come to our dungeon and must be facing Clara and Laura inside their dungeon, I completely deleted all the information I had about him from my brain as soon as I found out it didn’t matter…

  …to make space for more important stuff, of course.

  Stuff like the exact white tone of the eyes of the players’ corpses we just defeated, or the despairing expressions they were making at the moment of death.

  If you stumble upon this tale on Amazon, it's taken without the author's consent. Report it.

  Anyway, I’m digressing.

  What matters is that, since all of them act like they could see the future or alter time in one way or another, they call themselves the Time Lords. And they truly are one of the most tricky teams I’ve ever seen, especially the ‘Seer’ guy.

  There were even players who accused them of using hacks… Though the DMA staff, despite checking, couldn’t find anything.

  So, I’m sure you’re asking yourselves a question right now: ‘If they know the future, how could we defeat them?’.

  The answer is actually very simple. It’s because ‘knowing the future’ and ‘being able to change it’ are two completely different matters.

  Knowing they would predict everything, we set up an unavoidable trap. We put everything – except for the Abohemoth, because it’s too big – in the same room, leaving most of the dungeon empty. We prepared an unavoidable death trap for anyone who dared to step inside, and left them no option but to come inside voluntarily.

  How we did it, you ask?

  It’s all thanks to the key to open the dungeon core room. Placing it inside the trap room, too, the Time Lords had no option but to come, fully knowing the consequences.

  So, to recapitulate. They knew it was a trap. We knew they knew it was a trap. The audience knew it was a trap, and they knew we knew our opponents knew it was a trap… EVERYONE knew it was a trap, even the braindead Stitched, excitedly waiting for my return inside my dungeon.

  But knowing it was a trap didn’t matter, because to reach the dungeon core, they had to get the key to open the door, and I have been holding it all along, even right now.

  That’s how we killed the feared ‘Seer’ and ‘Surestrike’ players, and are now on our way to deal with the ‘Untouchable’.

  Alright, alright, I know… I’m sure you’re curious. I’ll show you how everything went.

  Flashback. Start!

  “Welcome! Welcome, dear invaders, hahaha!”

  I happily laugh, opening my arms to welcome them. The ‘me’ in the large screen, right behind me, does the same pose, repeating the same words. But this time the purpose isn’t to confuse them, but to annoy them, to make them more prone to make mistakes.

  I observe as the three players and their support mobs come into the laboratory, chuckling and provoking them with my words.

  “Did you enjoy the dungeon tour? Nah, there’s no need to reply. I’m sure you did, didn’t you? Hahaha!”

  They look around, searching for dangers. They know this is a trap, but they won’t see what they’re looking for. Everything’s hidden.

  “But this is just a taste of what I can give you. If you want the full experience, come to me, come to my dungeon! Come to The Mad Rat’s Lab! Open 24/7, 365 days a year, you’re welcome wherever you come!” Then I add, in a lower voice. “No reimbursements or complaints accepted.”

  An awkward silence follows my words. As much as I like players who allow you to finish your monologues instead of rudely interrupting, not reacting whatsoever after finishing never feels great.

  “Khm! Alright, alright… We know why everyone’s here. So, without further ado…” I make a dramatic pause. “... Let the deadly trap begin! Fufufu! Hahaha!”

  I press the big red button in front of me, and the room comes alive.

  Sirens blare, and the doors to the laboratory start closing. Right at this time, two of the players exchange a look and nod, and one of the three leaves through a closing door, leaving his team behind.

  That’s unexpected… Oh, well. He can’t do anything on his own. Not as long as I have the key with me…

  Just in case, I check that the key is still with me, and surely enough, it’s safely hanging on my neck.

  Why did that guy, Untouchable, abandon his teammates, then…? Oh well. Who cares.

  Following the sirens, several black pylons pop from the ground and walls, another door opens, releasing a wave of monsters, and five holes appear on the ceiling, followed by the fall of five ‘me’s.

  “Uaaah! Save meee!”

  “Iaaaah– gufu!”

  “Aah, my butt hurts…”

  “Aai, momma!”

  “Is this… is this how you clones treat the real me!? I demand retribution!”

  “The ‘real’ me? What are you saying? I’m the real one!”

  “No, it’s me. Meeeee!”

  “Haah… Bunch of useless clones…”

  I watch as my clones start to argue amongst themselves with my mouth wide open; the same holds true for our opponents.

  “Ugh… Why are my clones so stupid…?” I rub my temples.

  Ah, right. It’s because they’re controlled by AI, and I programmed them. I sometimes forget about it.

  Luckily, their purpose is achieved, and Surestrike-whatever loses his temper. In the middle of the chaos, where my monsters and theirs start fighting, and The Dark Horde starts pouring like rain from the ceiling, aiming for lucky debuffs, Surestrike ignores everything to go kill one of my clones.

  He swings his sword and, true to his nickname, the attack hits its target. Well, it’s more like my clone doesn’t even have the thought of evading his sword. Regardless, it hits its target.

  “Ugh. He got me!” My clone dramatically drops to the ground; its HP is still close to full. “Avenge me, my clones…!”

  “Clone my ass! You’re the clone!”

  “No, you’re the clone!”

  The ‘dead’ clone stands up and starts arguing with the others, completely forgetting the fact that he was pretending to die less than five seconds ago.

  To no one’s surprise, the scene confuses Surestrike. He blinks, trying to make sense of what’s happening around him. My clones’ actions make even me, who planned and designed this all along, get a headache. It’s no surprise he doesn’t know what to do.

  And right at that moment…

  “Dark Grab!”

  Ricard appears from behind a large machine and pulls Surestrike towards him. Then, giving him no time to react, Ricard draws a lever, and the two of them fall through another hole. Below, a room filled with water and undead fish awaits.

  Surestrike isn’t ‘untouchable’, that’s why this worked.

  “Hahaha!” I chuckle. This time, it’s the real me. “Have a nice swim with the fishes!”

  From the three players, the only one I had to be wary of was Surestrike. A mage isn’t good at dealing with a high-skilled, unavoidable assassin. But now that he’s gone, I can proceed with the rest of my plan unimpeded.

  Furthermore, Surestrike has no chance of beating Ricard in a one vs many fight, who has ridiculous resilience. Not when having his speed reduced for being underwater, on top of that.

  Now, I should focus on my prey.

  I press a few more buttons near me, unbothered by the ongoing chaos. As I press them, more and more traps start to activate.

  A large metallic roller pin filled with spikes starts to obliterate anything on its path. Following that, arrows and poison clouds drop from the ceilings and walls, indiscriminately harming anything on their path.

  Fire bursts from the ground, igniting several monsters. They start to run around in panic, spreading the flames even further.

  Monsters die in swathes, but I keep pressing buttons, ignoring everything else around me.

  At this rate, there won’t be anything remaining after this battle. But I don’t care.

  Only I may stand.

  “Alright, fools!” I call my clone’s attention. “Does it matter who’s the real me or not? No, right? What matters is that we have prey in front of us. Are we going to let him go!?” I say, pointing towards Seer, who’s desperately giving his and his teammate’s support monsters orders.

  “No!”

  Several clones reply at the same time.

  “Then, everyone with me…!” “““CHAIN LIGHTNING!”””

  Multiple voices overlap, and the chaotic laboratory is flooded by a sudden wave of electricity. It’s all aimed at a single target: the guy who calls himself ‘Seer’.

  “Let’s see how you avoid this, guy who can see the future!”

  Tell me. Did you see this coming?

  Fufufu. Hahaha!