The sun set, last sliver of red sinking below the horizon, cold air permeating the sand beneath our boots, numbing in a creeping wave. Long trails of footprints trawled the dunes behind us, mine even, hers stumbling and scattered.

  "It's not far now." I said, repeating the same sentiment I'd been parroting for the last half hour. Only this time she didn't answer.

  I turned.

  At some point she'd stumbled to a stop, staring out towards the windswept wilderness of the east, a subtle lethargy to her posture betraying an imminent fall. I jogged back, gripping her by the shoulders and jostling her gently. "We need to keep moving."

  She pulled away, frightened. "Who are you?"

  "A friend."

  "I don't know where I am. I want to go home." Her voice was so small, so pitiable.

  Self-loathing rose as bile in my throat. I asked anyway. "Where is home?"

  There was a pause. Her pupils raced side to side, searching for the answer. Finding none. She gave a small shake of her head.

  "It's alright. We can sort that out later." I pointed out towards the desolate nothingness that surrounded us. "Right now we need to go. The desert at night is as dangerous as any frost. I came here to find you in a hurry, but there's a place we can hunker down not far from here."

  "My father—" Her expression froze, whatever she was about to say dying in her throat. "My father. I hurt him. I hurt him for no reason. Why did I do that? Why would I do that? He didn't deserve it. He was never anything but good to me. So much better than I deserved. And I hurt him. Over and over I hurt him. Like it was nothing." She pressed her palms to her eyes, clawing fingers grabbing at her hair, leaving scratches down her forehead.

  "Listen—listen to me." I pulled her hands from her head. "I don't have all the answers. Or most, even. But I know a thing or two about fucked up families. And not appreciating what you have until it's gone."

  It got through. Her eyes flicked to me, dark and heavy.

  "You can still make amends. It's not too late. If he's as good as you claim, he'll listen. I can't promise he'll forgive you, or that he'll even understand. But he'll listen. And for the rest, you won't know until you try. If you die out here now, in the elements, none of that can happen."

  At some point, the awareness in her eyes had faded. She was somewhere else now, possibly someone else. Her mouthed whisper was barely audible. "—the snake devours itself. It eats and eats and eats and the circle never closes—"

  "Come on." I took her hand, fully expecting her to pull away, to startle. Instead, she didn't fight at all, simply allowed herself to be led across the dunes in a silent march, gaze never leaving the sand below her feet.

  My stomach roiled with nausea. I'd come here in search of weakness. A fatal flaw I could exploit, something to turn the tides. A vulnerability in her armor.

  And somehow, against all odds, I'd actually found it.

  But not in the way I'd wanted.

  Not at all.

  The pieces assembled themselves with logical brutality. Humans lacked the stamina of the immortal races. Our minds weren't meant to last forever. They frayed around the edges, unraveled, suffered beneath the ravages of time. And I knew all too well that while the loops undid harm to the physical, the experiences that left lasting impressions on the mind kept their impact, no matter how often time turned back on itself.

  And she'd been alive far longer than any immortal. A human mind, enduring the scars that accompanied centuries of violence and betrayal.

  No wonder she was twisted. It was a devil's miracle she still functioned at all.

  Alchemy provided the stopgap. The mystery potion, some amalgamation of restoratives and sedatives. I still didn't know how to formulate it, but that didn't matter. For now, it was enough to know that the weakness existed.

  Damned as I was.

  "Where… are we going?" She asked. When I looked back, her eyes were sharper than before, more lucid.

  "There's a dwarven bunker." I squinted as sand whipped across my cheeks. "Hardy folk, but they hate the cold more than most, which works to our benefit. It'll be warmer than a cave. More sterile, too. We can rest and get those wounds treated properly."

  "Will there be dwarves?"

  I shook my head. "It should be empty. They're… elsewhere."

  A small smile broached her lips. "Thank you. You're very kind."

  No. I'm not.

  It took a great deal of searching and referencing the map to find the bloody thing. Even knowing exactly where it was, we passed by it at least twice before the sandblasted hatch finally caught my eye.

  A violent gale kicked up in a cyclone around us, summoning a seething curtain of sand that banished all sight, countless flecks of stone battering at any open skin they could find. In the up swell, I felt her small hand slip from my glove.

  There was a crackle of mana, and a high-pitched keen deafened my ears.

  When the wind settled, the woman was gone. In her place stood the monster, white hair askew, hand applying pressure to her bloodied side, golden eye honed on me with deadly intent. "Did you see?"

  "What?" I stalled, trying for confusion.

  "Did you? See?" Her voice was liquid calm.

  The truth isn't an option. Need to sell it. Whatever she's most likely to believe, or this is the end of it all.

  I scoffed. "Oh. You mean the way you were wandering around like a daft child, completely unresponsive, refusing to so much as staunch your bleeding, making me practically drag you here? Or are we talking about the five wyvern flambé you nearly paid your life for because your stubborn ass is incapable of walking away from a fight?"

  I waited for her to pause, for the dangerous calm to lapse into doubt. Once it did, I turned back to the hatch, angrily wrenching it open. "Maybe you don't value your life at all. Maybe you've died so many times that it means nothing to you. What a fucking luxury that must be. But this is the only one I have, so I'd appreciate it if you'd shed the wanton stupidity and act your damn age."

  "Do not seek to lecture me." She hissed.

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  And quietly, I breathed a sigh of relief.

  The bottom of the bunker was dark, but clear. Warmth from below radiated upward, a welcome balm. It wasn't a long drop, no more than ten rungs of the ladder.

  Before I could so much as stand, Thoth shoved in front of me and dropped down. There was a heavy thud and pained grunt. She'd landed badly and had fallen beneath the ladder. And I think, that was when I realized how hurt she really was. I'd assumed she'd cauterized the worst of her wounds, but from the spatter of blood that surrounded her in a jagged circle, she'd simply let them bleed.

  I descended the ladder quickly, slamming the hatch shut as I went. The loosely applied bandage on her side seemed to be the source of the worst of the bleeding. But when I went to touch it, she slapped my hand away, pushing herself up on an arm.

  Her eye flashed. "Potion. Now."

  "There are more pressing problems—"

  "I'd rather die with my mind than live without it!" She roared, anger and desperation fused as one.

  "Take it then." I snatched the opaque bottle and shoved it roughly into her waiting grasp.

  As she popped the cork with her teeth and drank it greedily, I lit a nearby lamp and returned, tearing the bandage at her side free, calling the flame. Mana streamed out of me at an alarming rate, as it always had since the death of the ley lines, and quickly, I pressed the violet flame to her sundered flesh.

  She cut off mid-quaff, mouth tight in a muted scream as the flesh blackened, flow of blood finally staunched.

  Far too late.

  "Fuck you." She seethed. But even with the glamour in place, it was obvious how pale she was. How weak she'd grown.

  "Right." With a shaking hand, I wiped the drying blood from her side on my trousers, only to partial success. My voice was hollow. "Fuck me."

  "Now the knife."

  So. Here we were again. I stood perfectly still. "You asked for palliatives. Needle and thread."

  "Look at me. We're past that." A shiver trailed her body.

  "I didn't bring it."

  "What?" She sat up straighter, darkness in her gaze.

  A small smile split my lips. "I can't control you. No one can. And if you renege on our agreement, there's not a damn thing I can do to stop you. But I don't have to make it easy. That's not how this works."

  "I decide how this works. You—" She grunted with effort, pushing herself up to a standing position.

  "—Stop—"

  "I decide when this is over." She bellowed, voice ragged and raw, taking staggered steps forward. "You exist at my behest. At my mercy."

  It would have been reasonable to be angry. Furious at her limitless arrogance and stubbornness. But the rage never came. "Enough. This is folly, you can barely stand."

  When she continued to close, I put a hand to her chest and firmly pushed her backwards. In ordinary circumstances it wouldn't have even registered. But she stumbled backwards, arms flailing, and when I went to catch her, she regained her balance and charged forward.

  Thin cruel fingers wrapped around my throat, cutting off my air. She leaned in close, iron on her breath, her gilded eye all I could see, a dragon in human form.

  "Stop." I tried, but no sound emerged.

  "It doesn't matter." A cruel chuckle escaped her. "It doesn't even matter if I close your loop. Erase your memories. When the next iteration comes to pass, you will be nothing more than an empty vessel, dead on your feet the moment time marches forward again. Because you broke the only rule we ever had."

  I didn't know.

  My vision narrowed to a swimming pinhole, my eyes losing focus.

  I couldn't be sure. But for a moment—just a moment—she seemed more stricken than enraged.

  "What right do they have to claim us? They are nothing. Beings who have done nothing with their immortality, beyond preying on the weak, ignorant as centuries pass beneath their very noses. Ambivalent scavengers who offer no value to any but themselves." Air flooded my lungs as her grip slackened, hands trembling as she hung her head. "How could you do that? So much traded for nothing. Why?"

  "Because—" I coughed, throat filled with daggers, vision still swimming. "—Because I made a promise. To protect the people who sheltered me in a storm. And yes… it could be argued that it was made in ignorance. That I didn't know how bad things would get. What it would cost. But I made it just the same."

  Her face twisted in agony. "And where was that resolve in the eternity that passed before this cycle?" The fingers began tightening again. "Where was it for the promises forgotten? What makes now so different from every other time that came before it?"

  It was you.

  The answer escaped my lips before the thought was fully formed, a secret even from myself. "From the very beginning, it was you."

  She straightened as if shocked, nearly releasing entirely before her expression hardened and she clamped down harder.

  "Don't. Don't you dare lie to me."

  "Look into my eyes and find deceit absent." I lowered my head, forcing her to meet my gaze.

  "Nonsense." She shook her head, pale lips tight. "I was always here."

  "Of that I held no memory. It was lost, severed by the edge of that viridescent blade. Until the one time it wasn't." With a shaking hand, I reached out and tilted her chin up. "I saw you. In the sheer magnificence of your terror. Power unlike anything the world had ever witnessed. Leveraged to destroy everything I ever loved, with little effort. And when I took that vision to my next life, and discovered that rather than a nightmare or horrible rumination, it was, instead, a promise… I couldn't be complacent anymore. Not if I wanted any chance at a kinder future. There were others that shaped me. Guided my path towards being who I needed to be, a worthy leader, stronger ally. A better person. But you are the reason for my resolve. From the start, it was all or nothing. Anything less would have led to ruin. I chose all."

  "…For all the good it did you." She sneered. Her grip tightened, and my vision faded once more.

  "Yes." I managed. "For all the good it did me."

  It was done.

  I closed my eyes.

  And waited for the end.

  "Fuck the demons." She hissed, far away in my fading consciousness. "Fuck them. Fuck their ledgers, and pacts, and smug self-importance. They have enough baubles to play with. They don't get to end this. They don't get to take us. We're done when I say we're done."

  A flood of mana washed over me, to a magnitude that was almost impossible to describe. An ocean of power rushing over me, its currents tearing at my skin, my insides, my very soul.

  CRACK

  Something deep within me snapped.

  Suddenly the grip released, tidal wave of magic fading with it.

  I doubled over and gripped my knees, drawing ragged gasps, sweet air flooding my lungs, pain fading. My hand went to my chest, heart hammering within as I probed for damage, finding none. "What—what did you do?!"

  "Did you think you were the first? To fall prey to the buzzards out of weakness?" Thoth staggered away, swooning on her feet, her visage entirely ashen.

  "The pact." I realized, alternating wonder and horror. "It's—"

  "Intact enough to pass muster. Too eroded to collect. Sabotage. They're old. There were incidents with time fuckery even before our era, if you can believe it. This is the best method we had of sidestepping those safeguards." She hit the wall shoulder first, leaning heavily against it, face hidden.

  "Why would you..."

  "Because it vexes. Because I can. Nothing needs to change. It was fine the way it—" The rest was lost in a fit of coughing.

  Unlike before, I saw it happen. As she turned and slid down the wall, legs folding beneath her, every muscle in her body surrendering, refusing to function, her white hair dyed brown again, trailing her shoulder as both eyes shaded brown, the milkiness in her blind eye dissipating.

  The woman I didn't know stared up at me, her breathing labored and heavy.

  And smiled.

  "Cairn."

  I knelt before her, conflicted in so many ways I'd lost count. "…Yes?"

  "I'm so glad… you came back—" Her chin trembled, and pain wracked her voice. "What I did to you was so horrible… we can leave her alone… I promise… she’s safe… from me… if it hasn't happened yet, chances are… it never will."

  "Rest now." I said. It was all too much to process, and my mind was frantic, every revelation leaving me sicker than the last.

  Outside the windstorm reached a fevered pitch, barrage of raging currents battering the hatch with sand, suppressing all sound from within.

  Weakening, the woman's pale lips parted, and she asked a question forever lost to the din.

  Somehow, even without hearing it, I knew the answer.

  No.

  The light left her eyes.

  And the world turned white.

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