Chapter 22

  All Hell Breaks Loose, Literally

  Part 2

  “So. What exactly do you plan to gain by coming here with your armies?”

  “We consume the world and all that is on it, as we have to countless other worlds for eons past, and as we intend to do in eons to come!”

  “That must get pretty damn old.”

  “How amusing! You're the first to try and bargain! Most before you would either run away, screaming, or charge like mindless madmen at the mere sight of us, but you, you try to cater to our nature!”

  “You said 'most'?”

  “Indeed! Usually, those that did neither would just freeze in place or literally lie down and die. I was right to think this talk would be a wonderful change of pace.”

  “So, this is entirely uncharted territory what we're doing?”

  “Well, not entirely uncharted. We don't always invade the new worlds we consume. We do get invited from time to time.”

  “Like now?”

  “Yes. Like now. It never ends well for those that do.”

  “So what usually happens to them?”

  “Oh. We do keep our end of every bargain we make, yes. But the fools who betray their worlds for us never, as your people on your world usually say, 'read the fine print' and it costs them, dearly. Maybe what they asked for wasn't what they actually need. Maybe their own people would turn on them as traitors. Maybe they got exactly what they wanted, but they wound up not liking what they got, or they found that they grossly misunderstood what it is they were asking for. I leave the rest to your imagination.”

  “Aren't you worried that word might get out? Would make it less likely that people would be willing to invite you in if things always go badly for them.”

  “Hahahaha! We don't have to worry about that! Not only is there a powerful barrier between worlds that keeps people from seeing or hearing what's going on, unless we specifically let them, but even if those fools somehow hear of it, they always, ALWAYS think themselves superior to those who went before and it will never go badly for them. In the end, their souls come into our custody and they find themselves as the lowest of the low in our slave pits, forced to make the very gear we use to conquer the next world! Nobody caring about them or their fate.”

  “And you're not worried about revolt? Especially since the people making your war tools, armors, consumables, etc. are all slaves and therefore treated with contempt?”

  “Oh. We do have revolts every so often. But since no one ever truly dies in The Abyss, they run out of steam pretty quick and then the retaliation is brutal, and they find themselves facing even more dire circumstances as an example to the rest.”

  “And you're not worried about sabotage, shortages, or other more passive -aggressive resistance?”

  “Oh. They try that too. They quickly regret it because if their quality falls off, they don't meet quotas, or they backtalk their superiors, they're made to wish that they actually could die until they're properly cowed and start working properly.”

  “That can't possibly be stable...”

  “Oh? Tell me how well your 'Land of the Free and Home of the Brave' is doing. For all your talk about equal rights and so on, you've got 'leaders', and I use the term very loosely, far more insterested in posturing against each other than actually getting anything done, and even when they do focus on getting stuff done, they're far more invested in doing whatever they can to get votes than doing what's best for the people they supposedly represent. And that's just the leadership! Your rank and file commoners are a source of great amusement! Forming mobs and riots known as 'Occupy Wallstreet' whatever that is, just because the '1%' had the gall to have bigger bank accounts, people clogging up your courts with ridiculous lawsuits such as suing a coffee company because they asked for ice in their coffee and now it's too cold as a result, among even more ridiculous things, or the notorious suit that started it all!”

  If you spot this story on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

  “Oh. You are not going to go there, are you?!”

  “Ah? And what's wrong with mocking a woman who thinks the best way to drink hot, boiling coffee is to stick the cup between her legs, as if she's trying to drink it with her crotch, violently rip the lid off, and splash it on herself, and then had herself driven in her private carriage to the nearest town crier where she loudly announced that she didn't know coffee was supposed to be served hot! And then she won her suit anyway! HAHAHAHAHAAHAHA!! Even a generation later, all her supporters can say in her defense is 'those burns were terrible!' and they bend over backwards to invent things to blame the restaurant for, like 'the lid didn't fit perfectly' or 'the coffee was indeed too hot' when it was served at a temperature the company was legally required to serve it! It's just too amusing about your country's 'Lawsuit lottery' culture!”

  “Um. Jade. What is he talking about?”-Alura

  “Coffee is a beverage made by roasting a certain type of bean and then grinding it to powder before dissolving it in boiling water, or close to it. My wife had her own lovely little plantation where she grew her own beans and would love to serve me some every morning. I'm sure you'd like it.”-Iluna

  “Our new 'friend' here is merely making fun of my country of origin...Wait a minute, how does Your Scaliness have such intricate knowledge of my birth nation?!”

  “You think we would just swarm in to a world we know nothing about? We watch the actions and broadcasts of any potential world with great care and interest, but Earth is a special case, as we've been there before, if not actually originated there. You know the Egyptian gods? We're in that faction, and we could go back at any time, if it weren't for the new-er gods like Y'w'h, Odin, etc. keeping us out. In fact, these gods are so busy keeping us out that they can't really do miracles any more and your people have taken to saying there are no gods, which weakens the faith they feed on, weakening your world's defenses! Oh, it's just a matter of time now. Your world's suicidal stupidity is our greatest entertainment. Just look at a 101 examples of what your people waste their time and money on!”

  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YtdQhJ0lpug

  “Yes. That is rather amusing, and embarrassing, but the only reason your society even remotely works is that you've got a supernatural force making it work against its will.“

  “And what, exactly, is your point?”

  “Time and again, in societies great and small, tyranny always collapses under its own weight sooner or later. Freedom has countless flaws, yes, especially the need for eternal vigilance, but it has time and again proven itself a better way. If you keep your model of enforcing an extremely unjust hierarchy, where the lowest caste are treated as livestock, and trying to keep everything stable with new conquests and super-natural hi-jinks, your people will wind up biting off more than you can chew. It may be today, or it may be 10,000 standard solar years from now, but it WILL happen.”

  “Hahaha! Oh. This was indeed a very amusing chat, little Dungeon. But, alas, time for talk is over. The emissaries of the other gods have left the area, and now we must fight.”

  “Quick question. How does that work? IF you're truly planning to take over the world and consume it, you're going to bump heads with those two and their backers eventually.”

  “Oh. That's a good question. Usually, we avoid each other best we can and it's 'first come, first serve' when it comes to planetary, or dimensional, conquest. We and our armies are here first, so those two's backers will have to pull them out and send them elsewhere.”

  System Message To Jade:

  Hidden Quest Completed: “At least you tried.”

  Mission Parameters: Attempt peaceful coexistence with extra-dimensional arrival.

  Rewards: +1 Boss Monster slot unlocked.

  System Message: To Chhkthssk

  By entering this dimension, you have authorized your integration into System rules and regulations.

  As a result of refusing to even attempt peaceful coexistence, you have been penalized. Your pseudo divinity has been revoked. Your contractual immortality has been neutralized. Your soul is now added to the System's cycle of reincarnation and your phylactery has been rendered completely inert. Should you die, you will not immediately return to life but will instead have your soul reborn in a local native with your past-life memories scrubbed. Do you still wish to proceed with your ill-advised invasion?

  “A System dares to judge ME? The great and mighty Chhkthssk?! What unbelievable impudence! We shall not just consume your world, we shall dismantle you, one subroutine at a time, over countless eons, just as we have done to Systems before you. We shall savor your unending, excruciating, agony, for every plank second of your suffering!”

  System Notice: Emergency Quest: STOMP THE SNAKE.

  Objective: Destroy the intruder by any means necessary, the more brutal and painful, the better.

  Rewards:

  For Jade: Male humanoid avatar that would allow for reproductive activities with chosen mate Alura.

  For Alura: Resurrective Immortality. After death, automatically return to life in 24 hours within 1 meter of Jade, presuming it's safe to do so. If not, such as Jade being deep underwater, the revival will be delayed until such time as being resurrected will not result in death or grievous injury.

  For Iluna: TBD

  “Everyone! Crouch around me, now!” Jade cries out before a stream of viscous liquid was fired in their direction.

  Blueprint Fluoroantimonic acid acquired. Resource: Antimony acquired. Fluoride Acquired.

  “Fluoroantimonic acid?! What is this creature's throat made of? Teflon?! Well, no matter. It has just given me the means to end it!”