Chapter 23 - Dread, Shame & Regrets

  Dread.

  It was a thought put off for most of the journey to Qalydon, but now that Azurus stood before the un-walled city's streets, he felt that terror in full force. A tide of it so high it blotted the sky. A nauseating feeling threatening to drag him on his knees. Azurus had not the courage to face High Lady Coraine.

  He entered the city proper, a hundred Whitecoats marching behind him. They looked out of place in a city of stone, a city almost entirely grey. Azurus had never been to Qalydon before. Impressive was too meager a word to describe what it is he now saw. Streets were wide, cobbles were kempt, and buildings spaced appropriately. A lovely city, he'd have imagined, if it weren't for the people lining up along the sides of his path, frowning, cursing, and some audacious among them throwing rotted vegetables at the oh so honorable Whitecoats of Exaltyron.

  Azurus heard anxious mutters at his back. He felt the soldiers' irritation, and found himself irritated in turn. They sought to retaliate. To retaliate against despairing citizens they were charged with protecting. This went beyond animosity and deflection of blame for the thousands of Whitecoats that had sunken beyond Qalydon's shores during the attempted reclamation of Kovar. Indeed, the quality of the House Lakris' banners had fallen as well since Emeria's ascension to power. She'd loosened regulations and allowed the city nobility a stronger hand in management to ease her own burdens.

  Azurus tried being understanding. She was alone, overworked, and sought aid. But to allow things to occur without a moral watchful eye let corruption thrive and standards fall. Recruit standards were low, and training neglected. Manners and discipline were lacking. Sir Aegis must be weeping in the afterlife, watching me fail so miserably.

  Azurus' own authority went disregarded. A commoner turned guard captain whom the nobility in Emeria's council ill respected. Any hard hand he tried forcing got pushback from them, which entered her ears and saw Azurus reprimanded. Reprimanded by the woman he loved and could not disobey. He held hope that she'd remember one day, but each setting sun found his heart become more and more ragged from the flaying it received.

  Azurus steered his contingent down a side street as wide as most others. It went up an incline with slight bends that then led to the small plateau where Coraine manor overlooked the city and its harbor. The clop of Eleanoire's shoes became a ceaseless ticking in his mind while the uniformed march of the Whitecoats became a war drum to be feared. Dread fell away from Azurus' shoulders the way grime slides off a slanted surface. Left in its place was raw shame, pale as skinned flesh. He found his mental state further eroded. These new Whitecoats could not understand the weight of all their commander bore. If they had, they might have walked in silence and shared that burden than return curses at the people continuing to scowl their way.

  Tilda would have received word of the Crown's decision regarding the pirates, and that word had spread to her people. If I but had an immortal army that followed my orders without hesitation… Azurus felt closer to figuring out the means through which this might be done through Chronary. A means of tethering another's soul to his own… The difficult part was getting a free willed person to agree to the combining of lifespans at the expense of personal freedom. For that, Azurus would have to find likeminded people that shared his dreams of a world at peace under one rule.

  The ride of shame came to its end. Azurus dismounted before Coraine manor's front gate. A stately yet humble abode, all things considered. He expected more when hearing of High House Coraine's immense wealth. Creeping ivy crawled up the grey walls, and a few flowerpots hung from the rails of several verandas, though not all. Azurus had seen more ostentatious keeps belonging to nobility in the capital.

  The Whitecoats stood outside the courtyard, talking idly than standing by in silence. Maids worked before the gates, planting flowers and trimming bushes. They spared side glances for their guest. Azurus felt bare without his armor —especially his helm. With it, he might have hid from such searing gazes. In its stead he wore the violet uniform of the queen's guard commander, a spec of dark color that did not suit his surrounds.

  The manor gates opened for him and a maid in a long grey tunic gestured for him to enter, bowing slightly. He could see her jaws clench. The muscles in Azurus' arms twitched. I am afraid he acknowledged, and his first instinct in the face of fear was to draw his sword.

  Alas, shame was a foe no blade could cut.

  Azurus was guided to the sitting room. No one asked after his comfort, nor did they offer refreshments. They left him there alone with the hollow sound of the wind come through open windows as company.

  They left him there to mull over his own dark thoughts.

  Minutes passed, and Azurus feared they might lead to hours. He did not mind the silent torment, but worried for the impatience of the soldiers outside. To good fortune, Lady Coraine appeared not soon after. She walked gracefully down the grand stair of her manor, the ends of a forest green gown dragging down the steps behind her. She wore no adornments that he could catch, not even a ring. Her dark hair, kept loose, ran an inch beyond her shoulders.

  Azurus hardly noticed the grey clothed handmaiden trailing after Lady Coraine. The High Lady was a woman rumored to have been desired by many a suitor, if only for her fame as both an adept dancer and fencer. There was a delicate tan to her complexion a touch lighter than Lady Sar'tara's tone. In her handsome face, Azurus caught much more that might have made her desirable once. Desirable still, he thought, considering the words of certain nobles who sought the widow's hand.

  Azurus stood, bowing his head. “High Lady,” he said, a subtle quake in his voice. He suddenly felt robbed of air. The layers he wore became too many as sweat seeped out of his pores. Azurus was not ready for the harsh words she'd surely have for him. He spent so long mentally preparing for the shame her words might bring that he left himself utterly defenseless in the face of her actions.

  Tilda Coraine slapped the commander of the queen's guard.

  Azurus froze. His gaze fell to the floor. The sting on his cheek became a singeing brand upon his heart. That ache spread its tendrils along his chest. He felt a need to flee, but every shallow breath released saw his legs become stone blocks buried deep below. His mouth dried, but he swallowed still, feeling a stone at the base of his throat.

  “Will you say nothing?” Tilda asked. “Will you not lash out? Will you not scream? Will you not even succumb to a drop of rage for the shame I've brought upon you? Can you not do any of this, Sir Aegis, so that I can feel in the slightest bit justified for having assaulted you before I even responded to your greeting?”

  “I… would not be justified in doing so, my lady,” Azurus said softly.

  “You should be!” Tilda near screamed. Her handmaiden jumped. “Now I feel ashamed for having done what I did.”

  “Please,” Azurus begged. “I've been stripped of all honor on my journey to Qalydon. Please do not shame me further, High Lady. I've nothing through which to defend myself.”

  “You should not have come here, Sir Aegis. The pirates have been skulking just beyond the harbor. They've brought half a fleet. You should have just gone to them with your offerings. You should have left me be, so that I could've remained content in the heinous image I'd crafted of you. I knew better to assume such of the man the Thundersword raised, but I did it anyway. Now I know for certain that you are not vile, and it hurts.”

  Azurus clasped his hands. He lowered himself to a full bow. “Forgive me, my lady. I wish I had a say in this, but I don't”

  “Spare your apologies for my people, Captain. I have no use for them myself now. You are not the one upon whom I wish to breathe my ire.”

  “Please do not wish it upon her majesty. She's…” She's what, Azurus? For how long will you defend Emeria's actions?

  “Too young for the throne?” Tilda tried.

  “Yes,” Azurus said.

  “I should have figured she's not the one to have come up with such a proposal. Hire my husband's killers as privateers with free reign of the Basin. Did someone at least voice an opinion in favor of me at the council meeting?”

  Azurus turned his head away. “Only me.”

  A scowl came over Lady Coraine's fair face. “Now you shame me even further for having assaulted you, Sir Aegis.”

  “It was deserved. A better man might have walked away than take part in what I'm about to.”

  “And by doing so you'd have doomed my people to a second assault from the pirates. I've less than two hundred men to defend my harbor, and near half of those bear wounds from the last attack.”

  Azurus felt his legs grow heavier. “I've only brought a hundred with me, my lady. You can use them but… they'll be of poor use in defenses. Her majesty has left much of Exaltyron's management in the hands of lesser nobility. The standards of the city watch have fallen low.”

  Tilda sighed. Azurus noticed dark spots beneath her eye. “You do not sleep well, Lady Coraine?” he asked.

  She shook her head. “My son, he keeps me up at night. Four years old now, but fears the dark and does not like closing his eyes at night.”

  Under different circumstances, Azurus might have smiled. But here, shamed to oblivion, he could not help but recall Lady Draumen's kindness, followed by her ghastly face as she swung with the wind, a rope tied around her neck. Her children had been left to die in the blaze that ruined their manor.

  Tilda turned to her maid. “Get Sir Aegis refreshments. See to any request he may have.”

  “I but only ask for forgiveness my lady,” Azurus said despite Tilda's earlier statement claiming she did not need an apology.

  “I…” Tilda began. Her fist closed and her grace vanished as she became more rigid. Then she sighed out a long breath, relaxing her posture again. “I do not think I can give it. At least not right now.” With that, she walked away.

  Azurus bowed, though she saw it not. At least not now. That implied that she might yet forgive him if he could set things right. They both knew that could not be possible. She had shamed him again, though perhaps not meaning to this last time. For the shreds remaining of his own self-respect, Azurus left the manor before any refreshments could be brought out.

  ***

  A half hour later, Azurus found himself aboard a ship named The Virulence. As ominous a name as the creaking boards of the deck implied. Gulls cried out from above, their shadows circling the glaring pirates standing with hands near to their cutlasses and crossbows. The dozen Whitecoats Azurus had brought with him became invisible in the face of such obvious threat. They would be of no use, he knew, if violence were to ensue.

  Azurus kicked forward three large strongboxes filled to their rims in Xenarian gold. He'd not a bearing on the state's exchequer, but that had to be a sizeable portion of the Crown's annual tax revenue. A bald, one eyed man limped forward with the aid of a cane. Azurus stepped back from the offerings, resting his left hand on the pommel of his blade.

  “I was expecting more than a mere three crates from the great nation of Xenaria,” the bald man said. A wave rocked the ship and his jaw clenched as he pushed down harder with his cane to keep his balance.

  “Mind your greed, cur,” Azurus sneered. How he wished he could draw his blade. He heard the anxious whispers of the twelve soldiers behind him. As useless as swords in a mining pit, that lot.

  “Now, I could just throw you dogs overboard and keep this offering as well as maintain control of the Basin all the same,” said the one eyed man. “Hmm. Alas, the offer of legitimacy is indeed a great one, so I'll forgive your outburst just this once. Now, with whom am I treating?”

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  “Sir Aegis, Captain of the queen's guard.”

  That brought about low whistles and sharply drawn breaths from the wary pirates watching Azurus. They stood a little taller, as if measuring themselves against him.

  “The Thundersword himself?” a dark skinned woman asked. Her arms were folded and three spears were bound to her back. “You're younger than I'd heard.”

  Azurus saw no need to correct their error. Reputation had its uses. “And to whom am I speaking?” he asked, struggling to keep the edge off his voice.

  The limping man snorted, ignoring the question. “Aki, check those boxes,” he said.

  Azurus ground his teeth. He imagined that ridiculous bald head flying through the air and rolling across deck. The thought brought about a sudden wave of disgust. I've fallen so low that I'd attack a cripple? Pirate or no, it would be dishonorable. No. No it wouldn't. Not after all that these foul men have done.

  Two conflicting thoughts. Azurus could not figure out with which of them he aligned.

  The woman with the spears approached. She twirled one of those shafts in her right hand, keeping a wary eye on Azurus's weapon. With a deft flick of the arm, she spun her spear and lifted the lid from one of the boxes using the tip of the blade. The revealed gold glimmered in the early evening sun. Aki did the same with the other boxes, keeping her distance from Azurus all the while.

  “Gold all,” she announced.

  “And what are the terms that her gracious majesty has offered alongside this,” the bald man asked.

  Azurus eyed the chests of gold. Such a price would have been worth it to repurchase the use of the Aegis Basin, assuming Lady Coraine were given control over the waters. But it was not to be. Azurus pulled out the contract drafted by Emeria and the council and began reading the terms

  “Reign over the Basin in return for allowing our merchants to sail without coming under assault. You may set taxation rates no higher than five percent a merchant's profits for the use of these waters to aid in the management of your ships and men, and the island of Kovar. No burden will be upon you to share that revenue with the Crown. In return, you will be asked to defend our shores if our enemies, the Empire of Tarmia, or any neutral or allied faction such as the Thousand Sun City, or the kingdoms of the Illeyan Alliance, seek to assault our shores. If you've any qualms with the terms or would like to discuss additional clauses, I would hear them now,” Azurus finished. He felt sick even reading the contract. Xenaria was conceding too much.

  “And this… deposit,” the bald man said, waving his hand, “is an injection for management costs, yes?”

  “… Yes,” Azurus said.

  “It's Crow,” the man said at last. He scratched at his brow directly above the eyepatch he wore. “Crow, Captain of the Silver Serpents. In that case, I'll accept two chests instead of three. In return, I want some additions to the contract.”

  Azurus masked his surprise. He would have expected pirates to have been greedy than level headed. Perhaps they were, and this man, their apparent leader, was the mind behind their operations. “Speak,” Azurus said.

  Crow grinned. “You see, there's a slight problem we're dealing with on Kovar. An… unrest from a somewhat malignant faction. They're violent, you see, and much enjoy raiding. I cannot guarantee the safety of merchant ships until this faction has been, er, destroyed. To that end, I want delivery of weapons, as well as the use of several hundred men. They need not be soldiers of Xenaria. You can take this chest of gold I've returned and hire us mercenary bands. Oh, and some of Lady Coraine's larger ships would be a most pleasant welcome too.”

  “That…” Azurus began. None of the demands were particularly outrageous. Save for the ones requesting Tilda's ships, which would see him shamed further, he could not deny Crow's demands. Emeria's orders were explicit. As long as no foul play was involved, and the cost not heavy, the contract was to be signed. Rather than being costly, Crow was returning a chest of gold to ensure he got what he needed. “That can be done,” Azurus said, relenting. He would have to visit Lady Coraine again for some of her vessels. This time he'd be stripped bare of what self-respect remained.

  Crow raised his cane and clapped his hands. “Then it is done. We shall attack Xenaria's shores no more. Of course, I will do my best to prevent this malign faction from doing so as well, but I can't promise that until I have those mercenaries.”

  Is he lying to have a continued excuse to raid our harbors for a few months more? Perhaps. Perhaps not. There was no way to know. A table was brought and Crow signed the contract, keeping a copy for himself. Azurus penned his own signature beneath, along with the words 'I, Azurus Aegis, Captain of the Lotus Knights, with full authority from her majesty, Queen Emeria of Xenaria, acknowledge the terms of this contract and the additional clauses that have been added to.'

  And so it was done. Azurus turned to leave. Pirates barred his path and those of his twelve Whitecoats.

  “Not so fast,” Crow said. “Can hardly let you leave without celebrating this new partnership between us, dear Thundersword. I heard you were there three years ago when Theodore Coraine came to reclaim Kovar. Never thought I'd have the great Eildred Aegis come asking me for an alliance.

  Azurus turned on the man, glaring.

  Crow threw up his hands, leaning heavily upon his undamaged leg. “I meant no offense. Come. Drink the night away with us and let the past remain buried.”

  “I am humbled, Captain Crow,” Azurus said through his teeth, “but it is quite alright. I need to be returning to the capital soon.”

  Crow's eyes narrowed. More and more pirates surrounded Azurus and his men. “I insist,” he said. “A light jest for old time's sake. If I keep you here for the night, Lady Coraine will stress about negotiations and won't be able to sleep.”

  Azurus let his scowl deepen.

  “Call it an old man's petty vengeance,” Crow continued. “Her husband took my eye and leg after all.”

  And in return you killed and enslaved her people. There wasn't even a clause in the contract for the release of the slaves. Azurus closed his fists. He should've expected as much from the nobility on Emeria's council. I should have paid more attention when they drafted the contract than wallow in my own Flaming depression…

  “Fine,” Azurus said. “But we leave at first light.”

  “Of course, Sir Aegis. Of course.”

  ***

  “I'd have expected you to demand more coin than give a whole box away,” Aki said, leaning against the frame of Hawthorne's cabin door. A dimmed lamp lit the room and Crow held the contract up to it, reading it over.

  “If I'd done that,” he mumbled, “there's no guarantee my requests would be complied with. I could have tried squeezing him for more, but better not to test that one. Especially if he's everything they say the Thundersword is.”

  Aki's eyes narrowed. The sounds of laughter and merriment flowed through the hall outside as the pirates drunk themselves to slumber. She wondered if Crow's sole remaining eye had lost its power. It was not possible for the man they'd spoken with to be Eildred Aegis. The Thundersword should be at least ten years my elder. Instead, that boy looked ten years my younger. “What now? We wait out the months for a larger force? Weren't you already siphoning Eksa's numbers?”

  “We won't wait,” Crow said. “I just want greater numbers for unseen outcomes. And a newly come mercenary company will be easy to control with all the wealth we've just been awarded.”

  How much of this still involves his ambition to create his own nation, Aki wondered. She chewed on the edge of her lip, thinking to gut him right there. It would be simple, quick, little different from the hundreds of fish she'd gutted in her youth. But Hawthorne's guards watched the hallway. If she so much as stepped an inch into his cabin, they'd come to haul her out.

  Crow suddenly looked up, giving that ugly grin of his. “Go up, Aki. Enjoy the night and our newfound power. Go and drink yourself dead.”

  She did just that, marching away as she tried gleaning any hidden meaning there might have been in his remark. She climbed up the steps and out into the open air beneath a cloud filled night. The pirates aboard had lost their wit to the sweet seduction of alcohol, making a mess of the wood boards and their clothes through spilt drink. A mess they themselves would have to scrub clean.

  The white uniformed Xenarian soldiers, who at first seemed anxious and eager to flee, had loosened up after a mug or two. Curiously, their captain was missing. Aki shrugged, uncaring. She ignored those so drunk that they dared make passes at her and began climbing up the main mast to the crow's nest above. The night was not a bad one. She could spend the time hidden away at that height until the raucous partying died down and she felt more at ease with these men. She considered grabbing a drink to sip on in silence, but couldn't be bothered trying to carry it up to the nest.

  Aki reached the top, finding her favorite spot already occupied. A stream of curses filled her head when this person turned, their violet coat blending them into a piece of the darkness surrounding them. “Thundersword,” she said, hopping onto the cramped platform. There was hardly a meter of space between them.

  The young man put a hand to his sword hilt. “What do you want?”

  “I could ask the same,” Aki said. “You're in my spot. Not that I mind, course. Not going to share a drink with your men?”

  “No.”

  It was hard to make out his expression in the dark, what with the way he had his head turned and his wavy hair fell at the sides of his face. His jaw was strong, and face hard from what she remembered earlier in the day. Handsome to most, she imagined. Aki preferred more docile types that she could dominate, not sword swinging hotheads. Although, something about his young face did give him that docile appeal…

  “You're not the Thundersword, are you?” Aki asked.

  The boy flinched.

  “You're too young. What are you? His son?”

  “Something like that.”

  A non-answer. Aki wasn't actually expecting an answer. Now that he'd given it, she saw him more as a fawn than the rather feral nature she'd assumed of him earlier in the day. Is this what they call a knight? Gentle yet deadly? Her curiosity was piqued.

  “What your captain said about there being another faction on Kovar. Is that true?” Azurus asked.

  Aki folded her arms and examined him. “It is. But that faction is run by a girl about your age, and too soft to do what's right. Crow will devour her. A shame.”

  “A shame? You sound displeased… Aki was it?”

  “Perhaps I am. I wonder how this night might have differed for you had the letter from your queen reached the Red Serpent than Crow.”

  The young knight snorted. “Am I supposed to be feeling regret here? You're all filthy sea scourge.”

  “Ah, yes. Easier to sleep at night isn't it, when you demote us all to the same category, a category you deem as subhuman.”

  “That's…”

  Aki raised a brow. She hadn't expected to beat him with such a simple argument. I'm too used to men like these being sharp tongued like Theodore and Hawthorne. “That's?” she asked, pressing for more.

  “What might have changed if the letter reached this other person?” he asked.

  Aki let a sly smile spread across her lips. “For one,” she said, reaching with a hand and touching locks of his hair behind his ear, “we would not have met here.” The boy jerked his head to the side as if to bat her hand away. “Do you have a name, or am I to call you Eildred for the night?”

  “It's Azurus.”

  “Azurus Aegis. Doesn't exactly roll off the tongue.”

  Azurus turned away, rounding to the other side of the nest. “Why are you on this ship if you don't want to be?”

  “There are reasons,” Aki answered.

  “Do you want to come with us on the morrow?”

  This idiot boy really knew how to dig himself holes. “My, Azurus, that almost sounds suggestive.”

  He clicked his tongue.

  What a killjoy. The night was deep. Here, so high on this ship and with the ceaseless sounds of loud laughter and poor songs from below, they'd have been hidden from all others. But Aki knew when to drop a meal. This boy was too disaffected for her to bother. “Here we are, two similar people, hidden away in the dark of this starless night.”

  “Similar? I'm not a pirate.”

  “And I don't want to be one,” Aki said. “But I'm left with little else.” She sighed aloud. I've made my choice to stay here and undermine Crow for as long as I can.

  Azurus did not answer.

  “What's your story, Sir Aegis? How've you come here, in your father's shoes, treating with those he once fought? Is the Thundersword dead? Did the attempted revolution take him as it did the former queen?”

  Silence still. Perhaps the boy was being cautious, unwilling to divulge any more information than necessary. Or perhaps he was broken, just as her. A crack appeared in the clouds above and a near to full Elaina reared her beautiful silver face, giving Aki a more detailed look at the young knight's appearance. She changed her mind on it. He was one for sore eyes, though not quite the killer that creature, Jackrin, had been. A killer in more ways than one, that one.

  Aki took better measure of Azurus' pale blue eyes. It was the look of both longing and loss at once. She decided to throw a spear in the dark and put a story to this sullen young man. “Here you are, sent to do a task by the new queen which you're loathe to do, which is against everything Lord Aegis taught you,” she said. There was a slight twitch to the boy's shoulders, but he stayed silent otherwise. “Do you love her, this new queen of yours?”

  He flinched.

  Oh? “You love her but… she does not love you back?” Aki tried.

  “You can stop now,” Azurus said. “I don't know what you're trying to do, but I don't care.”

  Aki ignored him. “Or perhaps she did love you, but does no longer now?” she questioned. She got another agitated reaction out of him. This boy would be a terrible hand at card games with dishonest men. Aki stopped. She put her hand to the railing and stared out at the southern horizon. “The betrayal of a woman,” she mused. “Ever the bane of honest men like you.”

  “She did not betray me. She's just… busy…”

  Now he chooses to loosen his lips. Aki felt bad for him. She'd seen his type many a time. The type to be swindled and taken advantage of all too easily. This boy was not world weary in the slightest. She'd robbed several his type in a not too distant past. A past of shame and regret. “She's so busy in fact that she sends her former lover to do something he's sure to hate. I'm sorry kid, but take it from another woman. Your case is lost.”

  “You're wrong.”

  So believes every honest man bled dry by a dishonest woman. “If you say so,” Aki said.

  “Emeria didn't draft the contract. The nobles of the court, they pushed for it. She couldn't say no.”

  “Ah, so there are others you would acknowledge as subhuman than us foreigners. Is it their better dress and speech that prevents you from drawing your sword as easily as you might draw it upon those like us?”

  “No, that isn’t—”

  “Consider this, Azurus Aegis. Perhaps if you'd been rash enough to spit your ire on those men, you'd not be here. Perhaps if you'd silenced the coward you probably label as honor, you'd not be here. Perhaps you might have set this all right had you seized power for yourself. Instead you've come here, and given that Flaming bastard Hawthorne enough to carve out a country from the Basin's surrounding lands.”

  “Hawthorne?”

  “Crow,” Aki growled in irritation, wondering how it was she'd gotten so worked up. She slumped down and sat with her back to the mast, knees tucked in. Her spears pushed against her spine, but she couldn't care less right now. “You were betrayed kid. The sooner you can acknowledge it, the sooner you'll get out of the bog you've happily walked into. Consider this advice.”

  Azurus sat down as well, his back to the railings of the nest. He did not talk any further. Aki continued to watch him for any reaction. He wasn't taking her words to heart. A dangerous thing, for it was when gentle men succumbed to anger did disaster arise. He was close to that border. It only made Aki regret her past actions more. “Despair is only damning if you let it be,” she muttered. Words I myself refuse to live by. What was she doing, trying to help this tortured soul when she couldn't even help herself?

  Azurus did not seem to have heard those words, and Aki did not feel like repeating herself. And so the night wore on.